Advice to improve communication with my own parents?

[MumDaisy1980]

ever since I shared the news of baby, my parents are overjoyed but expressed themselves in an opposite way.

they had been neverending telling me the basic things about babies and the Donts only. and the so call advice were so like stating the obvious or completely irrelevant.

they will say do minimal make up , otherwise I don’t look good
remember to shampoo my hair after childbirth
the skull of the baby not fully grown when born, be careful.

i did express to them before that if I have anything I want to know I ask them

they had calmed down a lot.

But I reluctant to communicate with them for a couple of weeks, knowing that as soon as we speak they will pour over the advice.

and three weeks later - today I gave them a call. I do want to see how they doing but just exactly as I expected. The moment they pick up the phone, just seem like cannot wait to tell me all the advice. I did ask them to stop but they just talk over me . I was upset and the call ended in no time.

I ended up after call very upset and cried and even sent them long watsapp message telling them they are not helping and if I am not happy will affect baby growth.

I just donno how to communicate and they being elderly almost like gave up parenting to their adult child. When I told them to stop they will just say when I get to their age will be the same. For god sake that I am not their age and even if I am their age we are different human. Will never be exact the same.

I wonder if anyone had similar experience or suggestion. I by no means want to deteriorate relationship with parents. But I cannot understand if it’s generation gap or what that I seem no longer can communicate with them the more I enter into different stages in life.

We all do this- my friend got pregnant and dh was laughing that when she came over she was saying she was fed up of getting advice and we both nearly turned blue not telling her stuff but then she came out with a decision they’d made and it was actually wrong in that it could hurt the baby so we said diplomatically‘actually I think with babies you may have to x’. Her and dh looked it up and were horrified but still very obviously not thrilled with us. Op we’re all just trying to help and your parents are right about the baby’s heads!! People are going to come on here and say about boundaries etc I suspect!! Best of luck op and enjoy x

It won’t affect the baby…. So no worries on that front.

the best advice I can give you is get used to it. Every man and his dog will have an opinion about what you are doing with your child. And lots of people give advice because they are excited and want to share your joy!

Just say “yes I heard that/knew that” or a “hmm really” or “ I think the guidelines are different now” orrrr “thanks that’s really useful/ I didn’t know that”
something along those
lines then move the subject on.

Yes it's not much fun being around people whose love language is giving advice.

Have you ever heard of the Leaves on a Stream exercise? Basically just allowing thoughts to pass by, watch them floating away without having to hold onto them. Try the same with your parents in the first flow and then as soon as there's a gap ask them what they've been up to?

@stayathomer @GreatGateauxsby @PermanentTemporary thank you all. Thanks for your feedback and indeed many of us were on the same boat poured with advice. 😅