Telling people and feeling weird about it?

[FoleyHuck]

I'm 12 weeks this week with our first scan on Tuesday, so all being well it'll be time to tell people the good news soon (so far only DH and I know).

I know this is probably just a me problem, but I'm feeling really weird about it. I think I can trace this directly back to quite sensitive / embarrassing medical issues I had as a child being shared far and wide by my indiscreet Mum and Grandma, much to my intense pre-teen shame. I've been fiercely private about anything medical ever since.

The rational part of me knows everyone will be thrilled for us, particularly family, but the idea of telling people on FaceTime or in person makes me cringe, although I know this is how DH will want to tell people, and it doesn't seem fair to then just text my side (which includes indiscreet Mum)

A good amount of friends and colleagues are going to be completely taken aback I think, as for the 3 years we've been trying I've put up a solid pretence that we don't want them when asked, which seemed much easier than the awkward 'yes but it's not happening'.

Not sure what I'm even looking for from this post! A bit of reassurance? A virtual head-wobble? Lovely stories of pregnancy announcements?

Congratulations! Sorry to hear about your indiscreet mum. I don't think it's unfair to just text your side - it's your news and your family. Is there anyone you do feel excited to tell?

I tried to get other people to tell people for me! But I also didn't wait till 12 weeks. Basically anytime anyone asked why I wasn't drinking or anything I just answered truthfully, even when it was early days. And whenever someone did know I'd make it clear they were welcome to tell anyone else interested.

I found it really awkward as well. It's that weird thing of it being massively exciting but also utterly everyday an event so I could never work out how to say anything without feeling like I was showing off!

I've been the same, I text my family even though OH told his in person. I just find it all a bit intense / don't like all of the attention. Most people at work just got an email as I was about to go on annual leave. That being said I completely understand people wanting to announce properly, it's just not for me.

I've mostly just waited for my husband to tell most people because I don't really know how to bring it up. 23 weeks now so it's becoming more obvious at least!

Don’t tell anyone yet if you’re not feeling it. I told no one apart from DH and my HoD till I was 19 weeks. Friends and a couple of colleagues guessed, but were tactful enough to keep quiet.

I held out until 20 weeks for this reason. Just wanted it kept to ourselves. My mum would have been too much if she knew earlier.

You don't have to tell everyone yet.

I didn't tell anyone at work (apart from my boss and I asked him not to tell anyone else) til I was 28 weeks.

Thank you all. It's a real relief to know it's not just me! I genuinely feel better already. I thought I was an outlier for not being dying to tell everyone.

DH is close to his family and excited to tell them so it would be unfair to him to stall for too long, and once they know we've got to tell mine really.

I think a PP put into better words what I'm feeling, it's like I don't want to be the centre of attention, and I shouldn't be because it's a run of the mill thing, but by announcing it I'm sort of asking to be? I certainly don't think we'll do any kind of social media announcement or scan pic sharing.

Some close friends I am excited to tell as they'll just be purely delighted for us, it's mostly some family (and a select couple of colleagues ) with very different boundaries to my own that worry me.

After a few losses I felt the same about telling people. I basically did the same as the PP, we told the mums and siblings and said they could let close family members know if they wanted to. I told my best friends by text and told a few people casually if I wasn’t drinking etc. I just didn’t feel like making a big deal of it this time and defo won’t be making any form of announcement. It’s been nice for people to just kind of find out organically! The people who matter know!

I'm going to be 20 weeks this week and haven't told many people. I don't think I can hide for much longer though🤦‍♀️

I know exactly what you mean. We've just had a quite a dramatic life event (major storm damage meant we've had to leave our home and move into temp accommodation for up to 6 months) and where most friends and family have simply said 'That's awful, are you ok? Can we help with anything?' and then left us to get on with it, my Mum has just sent INCESSANT questions about everything including all kinds of catastrophising 'what ifs'. The very last thing we've needed and I've snapped at her more than once.

I cannot imagine the overdrive she'll go into when she finds out that I'm 'homeless' AND pregnant...

I didn't tell my mum until about 28 weeks. This has been a long fought for pregnancy and I just wanted to deal with our own feelings about it rather than everyone elses. You do what feels right for you, it's not like anyone else has to prepare etc

I’m the exact same. I’m on my third and after a loss last year I just didn’t want to tell people. The other two I didn’t tell till later either, similar i just felt a bit off saying it! Like not wanting the attention on me but also not wanting to jinx it in a way!

Hated telling people it literally felt like I was announcing I'd had sex!! I felt very awkward

Feeling similar OP! Also have my 12 week scan Tues and going to tell mine and OH parents this weekend. I’ve ordered some small cookies that say Baby X due X just make the “announcing” feel easier. Not sure that makes much sense to others but in my head it does!

I think a lot of people may feel like this. I personally hate attention, overthink everything and know once the news is out it’s all that will be spoken about. I’m enjoying the secret bubble me and OH have at the moment. I’m sure when it comes to the day of telling people I’ll be excited but I’m also not going to put any pressure on myself to think what is the right way to be feeling.

Hi Op

I felt a strange sense of embarrassment/nerves telling our families I was pregnant also , I was 24 so still felt quite young and the first grandchild on both sides so just felt a little ☺️🤭 but the excitement everyone showed overtook that little niggle of oddness that came over me

I agree with others, don't feel like you have to tell everyone immediately, let yourself get used to it a bit too. Ones you are nearer 20 weeks and you can feel your baby and you will likely be showing then it will all feel more real. Also, if you want to tell your family by text then go for it.

Everyone will be really pleased an excited for you but you will get sick of questions about due dates and if you know the sex. Some women will randomly share their gory birth stories or their thoughts on 'the right way go give birth' or 'the right way to parent'. And this last one never stops, so you will need to develop a thick skin so to speak and just allow what people say to wash over you. Good luck op, hopefully you will only have to send one text to your dm and she'll blab to the rest of the family for you to make life easier!

Everyone will be really pleased an excited for you but you will get sick of questions about due dates and if you know the sex

Ha! A colleague who had a baby this summer had it daily from a couple of the older Women in the office. 'Oooh lucky you you're all bump you've not put on anywhere else, ooh it's definitely a girl/boy carrying like that, ooh, heartburn, you know that means he'll have a full head of hair! ooh how many days to go now?'. I'm hoping that if simply don't engage with them they'll get bored.

DH and I have already decided that the due date is 'June' to try and head off the nagging excited questions when the time comes.

I'm the same. It was weird keeping it a secret when struggling with sickness etc.

Our families will be thrilled for us. However, my PIL are a bit OTT and overbearing in general (our wedding etc.) This will be their first grandchild so we think they'll need some handling.

My parents already have GC. My Dad will be pleased but my Mum's going to be on another level and also has some overbearing tendencies and will need careful handling too.

If they're all OTT we'll keep any future pregnancies quiet until we've had the 20 week scan 😀