Feeling nervous about leaving DS4 during labour

[Maybemaybenot76]

I’m due my second in a couple weeks and I’m feeling anxious about leaving my almost 4 year old with his grandparents.

We haven’t officially spoken to them about it, but it’s been casually agreed that they’ll come to ours and watch him.

The thing is, he has never spent a night away from me. We still co sleep. I’m so anxious about leaving him! I’ve told DP I will labour alone if through the night, until it’s time to push - or, he will have to come back and forth from the hospital. Get DS4 to sleep, then come back etc.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

Oh. I should add I’ll probably be induced, as I was last time. I had to spend 3/4 nights in hospital.

Maybe do a practice night or 2 so he (and you) can get used to it.

I would try this asap rather than the first night be when you’re in labour, more for your anxiety than him though. He will be fine, even if he gets upset he will be fine and not emotionally scarred. More important that you have your DH with you for both you and your DH

You need to be practising this now and getting him used to it! Completely unfair to put a 4yo in that situation a few days before bringing their new sibling home and the upbeaval that goes with that

Prepare him. At the age of 4 he will have enough understanding that mummy will be going to hospital to have a baby? Do a practice run (night with grandparents). The night I had dd2 was the first night dd1 spent without me, she was fine and had great fun having nanny look after her for the night, she was only 2 but understood what was happening and was very excited when I got home with her little sister.

My 3 year old has not slept out yet (has slept in my mother's with me) but my parents have put her to bed in our house quite a few times when we have been to a party or wedding etc and it's always been fine.

Do they spend much time together? My parents look after my daughter while I'm in work, she absolutely loves them so I know she will be fine. If not could they see him more over the next few weeks?

Could you get your parents over to do the bedtime routine and try going out nearby for a meal etc?

Yes! My first was a covid baby so hadn’t been minded by anyone else really but do you know what, it was totally fine. I did however as it was still in restrictions for my second baby, have to go in alone anyway, but I laboured in the night and partner came when it was time to push the next morning so it worked out well as she didn’t wake up to him not being there at least even though I had to vanish in the night. His family came to care for her for a few hours and then he went back to her. It was way less stressful than I built it up to be. I was also in three days but I was so tired and busy trying to care for the new baby I didn’t worry the way I had before I went in!

Thanks all.

I should add that he has been looked after at both his grandparents place and at ours by them, just not for bed time!

He will be fine. Honestly. When it was time to go to hospital for the birth our 2 year old was in bed. We left them asleep with a friend staying over in the spare room. They knew our friend but had never been left in their care at all. This was not the plan, in-laws were supposed to be there, or other friends we had lined up but but it didn't work out like that. She later told us how exciting it was and is now much closer to this friend.

However, if you are still co-sleeping, I would consider what your plan is going forward for the baby. As if you intend to cosleep with your newborn then you need to work out how to make that safe with their brother in the bed too, or how you will transition him to his own room without him feeling pushed out by the baby.