First time pregnant and constantly worrying

[HungryPenguin89]

I really hope someone on here can help me gain some perspective before I go completely crazy. I found out I'm pregnant a week ago, I'm about 6 weeks. No check up or anything yet as it's quite early, I have a pre-booking appointment with my midwife in 3 weeks. The pregnancy came as a surprise as I thought at 34 surely it'll be a while, or it will be difficult. I'm from a culture where women have their kids young (like early to mid 20s) and mums in their 30's are considered really old. I was always told that it'll be hard to get pregnant, that there might be something wrong with the baby, that it'll be a hard pregnancy compared to when you're young. I never paid it any mind until I found myself pregnant sooner than I expected. My husband and I gave up on contraception and approached it as "see what happens" and lo and behold in 2 months, it happened. I now find myself unable to think about anything else, but something being wrong. Is it normal early pregnancy cramps or am I miscarrying? Am I gassy or is it an ectopic pregnancy? Will my baby be born with a disability because I waited too long to get pregnant? I can't sleep, can barely work, I obsess over every symptom. When I told my midwife she said not to worry, that things go wrong sometimes but also most women go on to have healthy babies and to only worry if I have serious pain or bleeding. It doesn't help that the internet is filled with horror stories of everything going wrong for hundreds even thousands of women every time! Any perspective is massively appreciated!

I don't know if this will help in your exact case, but I was similar having conceived for the first time in my mid 30s after a period of infertility including a failed round of IVF. It was during lockdown too so I had very little to do except sot around and obsess over the pregnancy! Something that helped me was to tell myself "I'm pregnant today" and focus on enjoying each day, trying not to think too far into the future. I told myself that even if something ended up going wrong, having prepared myself for it by stressing beforehand wouldn't make it any easier. I might as well just focus on enjoying each day, and then if the worst did happen at least I would have happy memories of being pregnant. I now have two completely healthy babies by the way, born in my mid/late 30s so they not to worry about age too much!

I was the same at 38
6 failed ivfs

It gets easier

Focus on the next milestone etc and celebrating your pregnancy too

I was very similar throughout my pregnancy and it’s so hard to get out of that mindset. I know it’s hard but try your best to stay off the internet and Google. Try to take each day as it comes and have faith in your pregnancy - I wish I had let myself enjoy mine more.

Ok this will sound a bit mad but what has really helped me is putting my hands on my belly and talking to the embryo/foetus about all the things I'm grateful for that day (in general!). It's a positive habit to get into, really calmed me down, and now in the second trimester baby might actually be able to hear me! I started around 9/10 weeks but I don't see why it wouldn't "work" for you earlier. Hope you find a way of dealing with the anxiety that works for you!

Remember that your worries cannot change your baby's genetics or what will happen. The genetics are already defined. How your baby develops is set (obviously take care and do not binge alcohol etc).However, your worries could stress you and your body.

Do what you can, put your seatbelt on (take whatever is recomended etc eat healthily, dont binge drink ) and enjoy the drive to the destination. You dont know exactly where the drive will take you. And that is scary, but
It is out of your hands. There are only some things you can do to change the route. Some things you just cannot control so accept that.

I feel the same as you, constantly worrying! Some of the advice on here is so helpful. Taking it day by day ❤

I was like this when I found out I was pregnant just over a year ago. I have a health condition and the risks for me were high for pretty much every complication going. Even though I allowed myself to enjoy the pregnancy, there was a huge part of me just waiting for something to go wrong. I didn’t believe I would end up with a healthy, happy (or alive, to be honest) baby. As I’m writing this, my 18 week old daughter is sleeping on my chest. ❤️
the feeling of doubt faded through the pregnancy, but it was always there quietly in the background. Even on the day of my c section, it just wasn’t as overwhelming as in the first 20 weeks. Things get a lot easier once you can feel baby moving, it’s a bit of reassurance.
If you want some extra reassurance at this stage, you can get a private NIPT test done that screens for many conditions from 9 weeks. It’s not cheap, but I did it and it gave me so much peace of mind. It tests for a lot more than the NHS, and it can also tell you the gender if you want.
Try to enjoy this stage, even just a little bit. My little girl is my world and I wouldn’t change having her here for anything, but sometimes I miss those early exciting days and the wonder of pregnancy.