Not happy about being pregnant

[amberu97]

I need some advice ladies.
I am currently 7 weeks pregnant today.
However I am not happy like I thought I would be, I’m just anxious, worried, depressed and feel a sense of dread.

I was diagnosed with PCOS so my partner and I decided we weren’t going to have children after miscarriage after miscarriage. We went to our first early scan the other day, saw the little fetus and even saw the heart flicker but I didn’t really feel anything.

My partner is being understanding but he’s happy with the pregnancy which is making me feel worse. I just wanted to know if any other woman felt the same. Because at the minute I feel so detached from this and my mental health has been getting worse since finding out.

Society shows happy women but I’m miserable and feel awful for it!

Could you be miserable as a way of protecting yourself after all the miscarriages?

I felt that way at the same point in pregnancy. For me I think it was this huge realisation about how much life was going to change. Also about how my body would change, I found it overwhelming. I wonder if there's a hormonal element to it because for me it disappeared almost overnight at the beginning of the second trimester, and I went back to the nervous excitement I'd felt pre-pregnancy.

What were your feelings about having a child before this pregnancy?

Hi OP, I was in a similar situation myself. I had many, many miscarriages as a result of PCOS. Was prescribed metformin and had our miracle baby, who was born in March 2023. I felt the same as you throughout my pregnancy - wanted to be happy (like my husband was) but couldn't be and didn't know why. Speaking to a therapist, it seems it was a way of protecting myself after so many losses. I think also, I'd grown to accept I probably wasn't going to have children so had accepted the fact I'd never 'stay' pregnant. What you're feeling is natural and I found that true bond came when I first started feeling kicks etc x

The thing is, I came to the realisation that maybe after all I don’t want children because they are a little human around you for the rest of your life and I’m someone who likes my own time etc. I believe it’s my mental health that’s making me feel this way, I struggle with death anxiety etc and since finding out about the pregnancy I almost don’t feel real, it may be me just processing how I feel but it’s just scary seeing how happy my partner is and how many negative thoughts I have x

Yes. I felt very similar to you. If you are going ahead with the pregnancy, seek help from your midwives as early as possible and self refer to the mental health team. You should get priority due to pregnancy (though my first appointment was arranged for after birth after multiple.mistakes in my case). If it helps, the baby I thought (up until the day of birth) I didn't want is now in school and the light of my life. I even have a second.

Be gentle with yourself, especially after miscarriages. Pre-natal depression is tough. I so resented my DH for being happy, and my parents for (in my eyes) rejoicing in my suffering. If it helps with your anxiety and fear of death, you can from your booking in appointment request an elective CS. It is what got me through, but of courses your fears may manifest very differently! Just make your needs and fears known at the earliest meeting so the medics can support you.

I went through 3 IUIs, a fresh IVF transfer and fell pregnant on my 1sy frozen round. Everything that could go wrong up until transfer did but I was certain I wanted to go ahead, didn't have high hopes it would work and when I saw the double line on the pregnancy test I felt full of regret and guilt, for 2 whole day's I just couldn't believe what I had done.

I'm now just under 8 weeks and getting more used to the hormones and how it makes me feel .. I think I feel this way cause I've wanted it so long and put soooo much into it. I also did counselling last year about what life would be like as a childless person and it defo looked less bleak and could find the highlights if I tried hard enough.

I reached out on an IVF forum and so many women said the said. I also think when so much has gone I to it or it's been hard to achieve a pregnancy it's not easy to accept it could all go to plan. I feel like I'm keeping myself detached this early on.

I do think getting some support is a good plan, but you aren't alone in your feelings