Birthday cake

[Igglepiggleandhisboat]

I know I’m being stupid but due to existing conditions my miscarriage or stillbirth risk is 50% which has made me a nervous wreck.
My children want to get me a birthday cake. They don’t know I’m pregnant. Problem is I panic about shop bought cake. I planned to make my own but constant nausea and aversion to food has ruined that idea!

I realise this is pathetic but I worry so much that there will be germs of some kind in the cake that will hurt the baby.

can anyone recommend something to read or help talk me down. I want to be normal for the kids and they will be upset if I don’t agree to them getting one.
please be kind, I know this is a high level of anxiety but sometimes need help xx

Do you eat any pre-made/pre-prepared foods OP? Just trying to understand why the cake specifically is an issue.

Maybe let them get a cake that they will like more, get some well washed fruit placed around the side of it and eat that instead.

I'm sure your kids will likely be more excited for eating cake themselves than if you do, your excitement at seeing it will be enough for them

No preprepared food as it triggers anxiety. Although with cake I worry that the icing or jam will have listeria 😳

You need proper help asap for your anxiety. This level of stress over germs is not healthy for you, your family and your baby.

A shop brought cake won't harm you.

It's incredibly processed and it's unlikely to cause an issue.

BUT the bigger issue is your anxiety. Are you doing anything to address this? You deserve to enjoy your pregnancy

Thank you. Yes have help for anxiety and have specialist consultant help due to the 50% risk of this going wrong. I just can’t relax. 7th pregnancy and haven’t enjoyed any of them as I know my odds are not good :(

I agree with this. (Bought not brought though.)

If you have professional help for your anxiety this is where you need to be going for support. If your level of anxiety is still this high with support in place then they need to know it's not helping you so they can reassess and adapt what they have in place as it is obviously not working.

I blame fat fingers on a small keypad. Seems a bloody daft and unnecessary thing to pick up on, on such a serious thread though.

Shop bought cake is fine..your anxiety is the problem here.

OK! Just saying...🙄

You're not going to get listeria from a cake because it'll have been baked at such high temps for so long and besides any dairy will be pasteurised.

You could get a vegan one I suppose to make you feel better about it? no dairy or eggs so listeria impossible. But I'm only saying that so you can find a way around this without triggering anxiety, not because there's any meaningful risk of getting listeria from a baked product.

I'm sorry to hear about your previous losses, that must be very difficult to cope with.

It sounds like your fears are similar to OCD type thinking - the cause of the previous losses was not environmental, was it? It was a medical reason. Which means that your chance of anything happening to the baby from an environmental cause such as listeria is the same as normal, which is very very low, particularly with a processed food item such as cake. You could avoid home baking in case of undercooked eggs, and fresh dairy in case of incorrect storage, but a commercial cake e.g. from a supermarket, should be very safe with no risky ingredients at all. Perhaps chocolate chip muffins?

However, if this is OCD type thinking this kind of logical framing may not actually help. You probably need some specialist support and advice in terms of when to give in to the worries (and e.g. avoid an item which is not on the standard "to be avoided" list, potentially bringing your list of "safe" foods down to very small) and when to push through and do something which makes you feel afraid/uncomfortable. The line is very narrow, because if you're constantly trying to push through too much then it can cause the fear to get worse as you look for that control which is impossible to have. But OTOH if you avoid everything which makes you anxious then over time it's likely that more and more things will make you anxious, which again is not healthy.

Because this is also a temporary situation, it may be different to normal advice in that it perhaps does no harm to have a more restrictive diet for 9 months and having those boundaries in place may help you feel some sense of safety, whereas for someone suffering with OCD like worries not tied to a specific event like a pregnancy, that wouldn't be realistic.

I'd go for a very processed supermarket type cake for now and then speak to your professional anxiety support ASAP to make a longer term plan.

Cake will be fine, even if it was a bit out of date it will be fine. Stick to the NHS list and never Google these things. I was similar to you when I was pregnant with my first and I drove myself insane. The anxiety continued after he was born and made things very very difficult. I’m glad to see you’re getting help; make sure you’re being fully honest with them. We often do things in pregnancy we worry about even though we’re told it’s safe, things like taking paracetomol or having a coffee. Be kind to yourself OP and very best wishes.