Insensitive and patronising partner

[Squicklesmith]

I’m pregnant with my first baby (6 weeks today!) my partner has 2 children from a previous marriage and thinks he is therefore qualified on all aspects of pregnancy!

I’m anxious and have had some spotting intermittently. I rang the doctors and they’ve booked me in for an early scan tomorrow morning.

Partner is now annoyed and we’ve argued over the fact that he feels I don’t listen to him and that spotting is normal. His attitude is that you’re either pregnant or you miscarry up until 12 weeks and I’m being paranoid. He says at this rate we’ll be going to hospital every week until baby arrives.

how can I make him understand that I do trust his judgement but also that every pregnancy is different and terrifying for a first time mum to be? I just want to hopefully be told all is well by professionals and not sit with my anxiety for another 6 weeks until my 12 week scan.

i really love him and he’s usually so good and supportive but I really feel like he just can’t see why I have a right to be worried and just want to do what’s best for our baby?

If he isn’t a midwife or doctor then tell him you’ll be taking professional advice over his advice! The hospital wouldn’t have asked you to come in for a scan if it was pointless. Fingers crossed all goes well for you x

No uterus, no opinion. He's being an arse! Tell him you'll be doing as you please as the human carrying his child. If he wishes to support you then do so, otherwise zip it.

Sadly as a man he will never fully understand the depths our brains go too when pregnant and you really can't tell if all is ok in there so sometimes we need a little reassurance from medical professionals. Spotting is totally normal, however it can also be a sign of other things.

The fact they want to do an early scan shows this - it will be more to double check all is ok and give you that piece of mind. You'll be told throughout that if at any point you are concerned to give them a call, because your are the one who's pregnant and you are the one who knows your body and your baby.

You could also remind him that stress and anxiety is also not good for you or baby so if you need piece of mind, you'll go get checked to make sure, no questions, no judgments.

I do hope all goes well and you get good news at your scan 😊

Is he medically qualified? I doubt it. I'm a doctor and went in for an early scan at the same stage as you due to bleeding and pain. No, I wasn't concerned about a simple miscarriage- of course there generally isn't much to be done about this. My main concern was to rule out an ectopic, and then something like a haematoma. And then as a mother, at least in my case, I wanted to know if I needed to be mentally prepared for a loss. A scan helps with that too.

I hope he's not this overbearing with other aspects of life he knows very little about.

Trust a bloke’s judgement on your body? Jesus, what a twat he is.

Ask him when was he last time pregnant; carrying a child inside him! He can be as annoyed as he wants as he will never understand how it is for us women. Good luck!

Alternatively, you could respect that he does have some experience and that spotting absolutely is a very normal thing to happen in pregnancy. If you are a worrier then I imagine that stretches to other aspects of your life and he is aware of that. It doesnt mean he has to play along with the paranoia.

You do you, if you are concerned, then get yourself some help, but it doesnt require a post belittling his own experience on the matter.

The man hating people on this forum are incredible, I actually dont know how any of you have stomached having sex with your partners to reproduce given your apparent loathing of every aspect of their beings.

U ok Hun?

Original.

'Experience' as the man is not 'experience' of pregnancy. It's 'experience' of being an outsider to the person with a small person inside of them.

There is nothing 'man hating' about the fact that he cannot possibly understand or know how it feels physically or mentally.

OP- I'd add this person's comments into the same junk as your partner's.

Yes! This was exactly my thought process! Luckily been today and there was a yolk sac but too early for a heart beat so going back next week to check for progress!

He’s calmed down and apologised now but he still just thinks it’ll either go well or it won’t.

I've told him it’s the peace of mind and I feel much better knowing there is a yolk sac in the right place and nothing sinister at this stage.

Thanks all for listening and understanding my rant! Sometimes you just need to vent to other who know how it feels 🙏🏻

Hes got third hand experience of another woman's pregnancy. It hardly qualifies him to tell OP not to get medical advice if she's worried. Hell, medical professionals have given her a scan to reassure her.

He doesn't get to silence her because he's only witnessed someone completely different have a pregnancy.

I did make a point of saying he’s usually amazing and this was out of character. Not man hating at all . . . Just feeling very lonely and needed some reassurance from others in similar situations to know that I wasn’t going crazy!

we’ve had a serious chat and agree there are changes to be made on both sides. Yes I can be a worrier and he is super logical so we’re both going to be more patient with the other.

its a scary time regardless of how you normally deal with situations and I think hormones and uncertainty can change your perception massively

He's not silencing her, hes also entitled to his own opinion.

Yes, my opinion as a pregnant woman is also worth as little as your other half OP. The only opinions that matter are the militant man-haters.

For the record, I wasnt accusing you of man hating, just the inevitable responses.

He says at this rate we’ll be going to hospital every week until baby arrives.

Many women would take that to mean "stop making a fuss". Then for the rest of her pregnancy, she won't seek medical advice because her partner will moan they're spending too much time at the hospital.

Youre right, hes allowed an opinion, but it's the way he's voicing it. He should be saying more like "I'm sure it's all fine but ask if it'll reassure you"

1 in 80 pregnancies is ectopic and ectopic pregnancy is the leading cause of maternal death in the first trimester. It's always sensible to have bleeding checked out in early pregnancy.

I'm glad I did - it saved my life.

No, the opinions that matter belong to the medical professionals who gave her the scan based on up to date guidance and departmental policies. Not lay people who highly value their own feelings on the matter.

I totally understand this, my partner is just the same. I had some bleeding over the weekend and was so worried I went in to get checked. They ended up admitting me overnight, my partner was making out I shouldn't have gone as I ended up staying. It just felt like it was one big hassle to him, he is always telling me to stop stressing and forget about it but that's a bit hard when you're very aware of another human in your body! Obviously they just don't understand what it's like and that mothers intuition and protectiveness kicks in so strongly. It's hard as they end up making you feel like a hypercondriac but I always say its better to be safe than sorry!

Gutted 😂

One extra scan and he is complaining? He sounds a bit pathetic. I needed 10 extra scans in my second pregnancy!