Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Second pregnancy. So upset.

5 replies

Mabelhc · 06/11/2023 22:58

Our DD will be two in January and is our entire, world of course!
She is wonderfully smart, sweet, funny, loving and more than we could have ever imagined.
My husband, daughter & I have a really small circle; almost non-existent family and very few little ones around. We've talked excitedly about having another baby for a multitude of reasons, but primarily for our DD to have someone grow up with. (Side note - she is painfully shy around most new people and her her socialisation with kids isn't great despite daily classes and groups.)
I took a test two days ago (and about 5000 subsequently) & find myself 5/6 weeks pregnant. Naively, I felt shocked (unprotected, once) but then just stupid.
Every feeling I've had over the past (almost) two years has completely disappeared & been replaced by complete and utter dread. I can't believe the total 180 I've been experiencing the past 48 hours.
The thought of a second baby has gone from seeming idyllic, albeit tough, to a total heartache. I feel devastated (a strong word, but the emotion is so strong) and couldn't stop crying imagining turning my daughter's life upside down and not being 'hers'. I just feel so guilty and like I wish it would go away.
Have spent hours reading other's accounts and whilst many feel some initial guilt/upset at the prospective dynamic change, I feel alone in that....I was so sure I wanted this but now feel like the fecking world is ending.
Having spoken at length with my husband, I just feel like I'd be going through with it hoping I'd feel differently. Which cant be healthy. But, if I were to take a different route I'd be filled with regret over what could have been.
I know nobody can tell me what to do and I know I've got myself in this situation, but has anyone else ever felt this extreme? Or is my gut just saying don't do it.
Feel so upset either way and perpetually guilty.

OP posts:
Mary7241 · 06/11/2023 23:06

Have felt exactly the same, in fact am due in two weeks and just spent a day crying about the way our family is about to change. It’s totally normal to allay grieve the end of a life stage - the family of three - but as my husband reminded me it’s also exciting to become a family of four, and just because they don’t remember all of it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and wasn’t incredibly important to them. Xx

girlmama2023 · 06/11/2023 23:13

Op I could have written this myself a year ago.
My eldest DD was 3 when we decided to try for our second, we took over a year to fall pregnant with DD so I was prepared that it would likely take that long if not longer with the second. Well this time I fell pregnant first time, I expected to feel happy, excited, and while I was grateful it had happened so quickly I was in complete shock and questioned wether we were doing the right thing. I cried so much when we found out, I felt like I was ruining DD's life, she'd have to share us and everything else. What if she resented us.
I'm not sure at what point but that feeling did slowly fade, I slowly started getting used to the idea although I never really did feel happy or excited about it.
Out second DD arrived in March and yes it did take some getting used to on everyone's part (at one point our eldest asked to "send the baby back now") but I am so so glad that we continued with the pregnancy, the bond our two girls have is so beautiful to see they are obsessed with each other.
Being in the place that your in just now is so so hard but it will get better and the feeling will start to fade, speak to your midwife about how your feeling they'll tell you it's a lot more common than you think.

Thankyouthankyoujellybean · 07/11/2023 07:15

Oh, this was me four years ago! I was thinking about it this morning, as I'm now pregnant with #3. I was horrified that I had done something so cruel and stupid (and yet very planned) to my perfect, quiet, shy two year old. He was my WORLD. DH didn't understand at all and I barely mentioned it to him because it found it so ridiculous.

Long story short: it was the absolute making of DS1. He and his brother are best friends/ partners in crime/ comedy duo. Now I'm questioning why we thought a third was a good idea 😅

Happy to answer any questions, I could write an essay on this!

Mabelhc · 08/11/2023 22:19

Thank you so much for your replies, I really appreciate you taking the time and it's given me some food for thought.
I just feel like I'm becoming more and more emotional over it & yeah, as though I'm grieving a major loas! Really hoping to see the positives (which I definitely DID hence getting pregnant in the first place) again because I'm fed up of being so bloody sad about it.

OP posts:
Bbqnights · 24/07/2024 10:36

Mabelhc · 08/11/2023 22:19

Thank you so much for your replies, I really appreciate you taking the time and it's given me some food for thought.
I just feel like I'm becoming more and more emotional over it & yeah, as though I'm grieving a major loas! Really hoping to see the positives (which I definitely DID hence getting pregnant in the first place) again because I'm fed up of being so bloody sad about it.

I'm in this situation now and just wondering how it all turned out for you? Has the baby arrived?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page