Our DD will be two in January and is our entire, world of course!
She is wonderfully smart, sweet, funny, loving and more than we could have ever imagined.
My husband, daughter & I have a really small circle; almost non-existent family and very few little ones around. We've talked excitedly about having another baby for a multitude of reasons, but primarily for our DD to have someone grow up with. (Side note - she is painfully shy around most new people and her her socialisation with kids isn't great despite daily classes and groups.)
I took a test two days ago (and about 5000 subsequently) & find myself 5/6 weeks pregnant. Naively, I felt shocked (unprotected, once) but then just stupid.
Every feeling I've had over the past (almost) two years has completely disappeared & been replaced by complete and utter dread. I can't believe the total 180 I've been experiencing the past 48 hours.
The thought of a second baby has gone from seeming idyllic, albeit tough, to a total heartache. I feel devastated (a strong word, but the emotion is so strong) and couldn't stop crying imagining turning my daughter's life upside down and not being 'hers'. I just feel so guilty and like I wish it would go away.
Have spent hours reading other's accounts and whilst many feel some initial guilt/upset at the prospective dynamic change, I feel alone in that....I was so sure I wanted this but now feel like the fecking world is ending.
Having spoken at length with my husband, I just feel like I'd be going through with it hoping I'd feel differently. Which cant be healthy. But, if I were to take a different route I'd be filled with regret over what could have been.
I know nobody can tell me what to do and I know I've got myself in this situation, but has anyone else ever felt this extreme? Or is my gut just saying don't do it.
Feel so upset either way and perpetually guilty.