I’m not excited

[Charlottiex]

And I feel so guilty

This is my 2nd baby, the age gap will be 2 years and I’m so terrified

Im worried how I’ll cope, the early days are daunting and I’m so scared for a newborn and a toddler and sleep deprivation.

I feel so guilty for my DS as he’s still so going and I just don’t feel ready for another child

This wasn’t a planned pregnancy, I didn’t want to terminate though. Before anyone suggests that was an option (nothing wrong with people doing this, I just didn’t want to)

Will it change when baby’s here? I just feel so scared about it all

it’s okay to feel whatever you feel, and to work through your emotions .

it will definitely feel different once your baby is here - and trust me, everybody is daunted by their second and the enormity of coping with two and splitting your love/having less time for older DC.

and yet somehow it all magically works out.

I planned and tried for baby number 2 and then as soon as I was sure I was pregnant I found myself really upset/worried. I had horrendous sickness and felt I was a crap mother to my DS and he would never forgive me for being useless for 9 months and then taking half of everything away from him. I booked private scans to try and help me bond and nothing really worked.
Then my DD was born and I adored her, when she met her brother it was clear that he also adored her. I found having a 2nd baby much easier than having the first.
Kids change so quickly that you can’t picture what you DS will be like in a few months or when new baby is here.
It all works out and I’m so glad I got through my pregnancy (which I mostly forget all about) and I’m so so glad I have my DS his best friend in my DD. I hope they remain as close as they are now forever.

It will work. ❤️ Ours are 20 months apart and while it surely was crazy for a while there (post-delivery slow recovery and winding up exclusively pumping added a whole additional layer) we survived and thrived eventually. They’re each other’s best friend now and have played together for years… and looking back at videos from the toddler era I realize just how sweet our oldest was with his little brother. At 9 and 7 now they have their share of moments with each other, but the level of togetherness they share is absolutely indescribable… they do EVERYTHING together and are truly best buddies.

All that to say… it was worth the bit of chaos for a bit in the earlier days!

I'm sorry you're feeling anxious, but try to remember this is a really common age gap, it is manageable - a lot of people prefer to have their kids this close together as you get the baby/toddler stage over faster and it is a good age gap for kids getting on. Yes, it will be tiring but it is doable, and I think it's worth reminding yourself that worry won't help - I almost use that as a mantra when I'm worried about something specific in the future that I can't predict. It sounds silly, but it can help.

You know for experience that the newborn days will be all over the place, and that's fine, they do pass and things after that get more manageable day by day after that.

Can you talk to your partner about your anxiety?

There are 17 months between my two and I felt exactly the same. Dd2 was also unplanned.
I constantly felt overwhelmed and terrified of what was to come but honestly, DD2 slotted right in.

The first 6 weeks were hard, I won't lie but I still enjoyed them and found the newborn stage soooooo much easier than the first time round.

Just get yourself into a routine asap and invest in a good baby carrier/sling so that you can keep baby close to you but have your hands free for toddler.

Mine are 4 and 5 now and having them close together was the best thing we did.

There'll be 2 years 9 months between my eldest and the one I'm expecting now. Planned pregnancy, very much wanted but I often feel similar. Guilty because I'm not really taking the time to enjoy this pregnancy or look after myself as well as I did the first time, and scared about how I'll cope. But I think it's normal.

2nd pregnancies are always tougher with a kid to run around after already and you never have time to just sit and embrace it or take naps whenever you want etc. And everyone generally copes, 2-3 years is a very common age gap and I read so many threads online from people saying they find going from 1-2 easier than 0-1 (although personally I think I'll find it harder, but I think that's down to personality and also what aspects of parenthood you find hard).

I think the most important thing to remember is that whatever you feel is fine, there's no need to feel guilty. I know from experience that's easier said than done.

The fact you're worried about how this will impact your family unit suggests to me that you're a good mum already. I had similar concerns with number 2 but the truth is it quickly fell into place.

I think your feelings of worry and fear are understandable and part of being a concerned parent - you're thinking it all through in preparation.

Guilt is not needed though, children have siblings of all ages, no age gap is right or wrong.

Parents have an amazing capacity to love multiple children whatever the age gap. You can try to tell yourself something like 'my heart will expand' to see if that is soothing.

It is hard and scary to accept that sometimes life just happens to us. We pretend we're in control, but we're not really.

Thanks everyone. I had to vent here I feel quite alone and I can’t tell anyone how I feel.

even the other week, DH’s sister in law asked how I’m feeling etc and goes “are you excited” and I knew she could see me hesitate. I said “just so nervous but yes!” And I think it was oozing out of me that yep I’m not that excited

and I hate it I always imagined 2nd pregnancy I’d be just as happy and excited as the first. I’m just riddled with guilt and wish I had longer to go :( it sounds awful the fact my due date is getting closer isn’t exciting it’s terrifying I don’t feel ready to split myself in two and I just can’t yet imagine loving someone like my DS