I’ve just had a positive pregnancy test after an embryo transfer. I’ve had two previous rounds of IVF before (one unsuccessful, one ended in a miscarriage). In my head I was very prepared for this to be another failure. I’ve actually had a really strong positive.
When I got the results I burst into tears (and not happy tears) and had a panic attack. Since then I’ve been in a state of complete panic or numbness. I don’t feel happy at all. Part of me wonders if this is some sort of defence mechanism in case the scan doesn’t go as planned/the pregnancy doesn’t progress. Or if this is because of all the hormones. But I’m really worried I’ve made a mistake and I don’t actually want to have a baby. I’m a natural pessimist and I don’t think I ever had a period where I believed this would happen. I’m scared I’m too selfish to have a baby. I never dreamed of having children when I was growing up and I think I’ve always been a bit on the fence. I had to talk to my consultant and a couple of nurses at the clinic yesterday to get ongoing meds sorted and they’re all so excited and happy for us (my husband works in the field so he’s a colleague to them as well as a patient).
I feel awful as I know how many women would love to be in my shoes right now. And I know how upset I’d be if it had been a negative/inconclusive result. I’m also worried that I’m ruining this for my husband (who has been nothing but reassuring and reminded me that I also had a panic attack when we got engaged and that this is probably just my usual anxiety disorder/response to change/magnified by loads of hormones etc).
I have a counselling session with my clinic booked next week. I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else had experienced this?