Hi OP, your post title really caught my eye and even prompted me to make an account in order to reply to you. I wanted to offer you some comfort as your post struck a chord with me.
I (31) recently found out that I am pregnant with my second child, which has come as a huge and total shock. My DS is 6 and I have 2 lovely step kids, 12 and 14, so our family felt very much complete. We’re in the swing of things, routine and life balance is great and the shock has been quite a lot to process, as our (my!) lifestyle and household dynamic are going to change quite a bit.
You are not alone and are brave for reaching out for help, as it’s something that isn’t really talked about a lot. My experience has led me to think about my ingrained societal expectations that women be full of delight and joy and certainty when they find out that they’re pregnant, but the reality is an unplanned pregnancy is a very huge and scary thing, no matter where you are in life.
I know our situations are different but our mental health backgrounds sound similar and the core feelings of shock, fear and confusion upon finding out sound very much the same. Just know that all of these feelings are all totally valid and normal emotions to feel when surprised by an unexpected pregnancy. The situation presents a huge change in our mental landscapes and plan for life, as well as a loss of control, which can be really hard to cope with when you have an anxious mind.
Do you have someone who you can speak to in confidence, who knows you well and your goals in life and will be able to lend an unbiased ear? The best thing I did was share my concerns with a good friend, someone who didn’t try and push me in any direction but who listened to my fears and supported me while I decided what to do. I would like to kindly say that it is still early days and you have the option to discontinue the pregnancy, if you feel that this is the wrong time for you, or you’re not in the right place, or whatever reason at all which is important to you. This decision is huge and can alter your whole life but you also have personal power to make whatever choices you think are best for yourself, your body and your life.
From reading your words it sounds like you have a long and stable partnership with your OH, a good support system and also self awareness of your needs, you have skills of articulation and practicality. These are already the makings of someone who can and will cope with that ever they decide to do. You are doing all the right things and writing it down and speaking to a midwife and friends you trust to support you are the very best next steps.
I’d also like to touch on the note of concerns that a baby will ruin your life, as I totally understand that fear. I won’t lie, it will inevitably change your life totally and utterly, but just because something is a surprise, doesn’t mean it won’t be a totally lovely and joyous one. Nine months is a lot of time to get your head around things and bond with the new life inside of you. Once they arrive it’s hard not to fall head over heels in love with them and I can promise you that once they arrive, you don’t for a moment think that they have ruined your life.
I hope this post comment helps in some way, it’s helped my own mental re-shuffling to write it. Good luck and go easy on yourself.