Dog and new baby worry

[FrancescaBlake]

Hi everyone
i am slowly doing the rounds with everything I am feeling anxious about 🙄
Its my first pregnancy and I am 10 weeks.
Me and my partner have a bullmastiff dog, 6 years old. She’s so loving and caring, snuggles up with us every evening and is so loyal. It’s in her nature to be very territorial and she’s not great around other dogs (gets bossy and dominant) but we manage it fine. She’s absolutely part of the family and we love her so much. She looks intimidating as she is very big and weighs about 50kg.
To cut a long story short, I am very worried about how she will be when a baby is brought into the equation. I get nervous with her around small kids incase they get in her face and stuff. She’s never done anything aggressive towards a human or child, but I wouldn’t be a responsible owner I wasn’t always on high alert when others are around.
It’s one of the biggest things that’s causing me anxiety. What if she feels left out and gets sad? What if she gets jealous and could be aggressive? What if when the child starts walking I have to shut the dog away because I can’t relax.
What I am trying to ask is has anyone had any experiences with bringing a new baby into your home with a dog that’s a bit feisty?
I will be looking into professional help with ways to introduce them in case I need it, but it doesn’t make me feel any less anxious 🙈

I think you know your answer already sadly

I'm not a dog trainer (just a dog owner), but I can imagine that shutting your dog away is only going to create a sentiment of 'things have changed and its the babys fault'.

There's no reason why you can't be a happy, harminous, conhabiting family with your baby and your fur baby. I'd recommend recommend giving a dog behaviourist (not a trainer) a call, someone preferably who has both dogs and children. I'd recommend Louise Glazebrook personally; she's got 2 children and a rescue dog, and I believe had a bull breed when her DC were born. She's not cheap but she can do online consultations and give you some tips/training on how to make sure dog is comfortable and relaxed with baby.

I wouldn’t have any dog with those behavioural issues that anywhere near a new baby

I would rehome the dog. Sorry op but there are too many horror stories for me to even consider having that type of dog in my home with a newborn. You have chosen a large dog who you acknowledge gets territorial and had issues with other dogs.
I know she is a part of your family and you love her, but as much as we love our pets they do, and should always, come second to our children.
You might get people on here telling you ways to manage this but imo its not worth the risk (and there will always be a risk).

I am 39 weeks and worried about how our very needy cocker spaniel is going to react. I’ve been following dogmeets_baby on instagram and there are loads of helpful tips there which have made me feel better.
those saying rehome your dog without offering any solution - that’s not how dog ownership works. OP needs a chance to make things work!

I think the issue is the size of your dog and its territorial traits. It might be territorial of you, it might be territorial of the baby but that might pose risks when the health visitor comes or just generally people coo over the baby in the street. A professional is definitely the best option here but be prepared there is only so much they can do and rehoming might be your only option. I would have a cut-off point after you’ve worked with her and a trainer and at that point you say the risk is still to high.

With our dogs we introduced baby things early. We stopped one dog sleeping upstairs when I got pregnant. We would play baby crying videos on YouTube to get them used to the noise and carry round a doll so they couldn’t jump and got used to something being attached to us. We also had a dog Walker which we kept when I was on maternity leave so they still had some fun without the baby. One of us would also stay at home with the baby and would take the dogs out so they got one on one time with each of us without the baby being there. They already knew the bed command and they know to go on their bed when they want a break, DD is taught not to go near the beds. DD doesn’t always follow this (she’s 2) so you have to watch them and consistently pull her away from the bed if she approaches them. So you don’t relax with non-territorial dogs and kids, you’re always watching for the kid approaching the dog. My dogs don’t have territorial issues but I still wouldn’t leave DD and the dogs alone. If I need something from upstairs, DD comes up with me or the dogs go in the garden for a minute. We don’t let DD feed them and she has to stay in the living room while they are eating in the kitchen. Again it’s something we are consistent on, even if there is a tantrum. We’ve taught her she asks the dogs if they want a cuddle and if they don’t come over, the answer is no but we do the same with her so we’ll ask if we can have a cuddle and if she says no, we don’t press it.

I had a beautiful dog that lived happily with my children for 3 years, Id had him from a pup for a few years before having kids. He was perfectly trained, we did agility, he walked to heal, his recall was impeccable he never really needed a lead.

He bit me because he was quite anxious, the kids exacerbated that (they’re noisy and squealy and unpredictable) and didn’t like the fast movement of their play on bikes, swings etc - he was trying to stop me on a swing and jumped out to bit me. It was an awful bite and I was absolutely gutted to rehome him - because I knew that the two things - kids play and him were no longer compatible and I was shutting him away whilst the kids played - that really limited his time outside and on walks because we just did everything altogether. He was so miserable.

Anyway - my point is I could have put money on my dog never, ever biting and everyone that knew him knew it wasn’t malicious. So if I had a dog that already had issues I wouldn’t even consider putting them together with my kids. It’s just not worth it OP. It’s no fun for a dog being shut out of the family either. He was only a small 13kg dog and still bit me down to the bone! Imagine a mastiff!

It’ll likely be fine OP, try not to worry. Obviously at first the baby won’t be anywhere near the dog, and you’ll have plenty of months to assess any changes in the dog’s demeanor before it gets to the point where there’s any chance of them interacting directly. Sounds like you’re a very responsible owner so you won’t leave the baby on the floor with the dog in the room unless you’re sat directly between them, make sure the dog can’t stick his head in the baby’s cot etc etc.

FWIW we had a grumpy terrier and a giant breed when we had our DC, I was quite worried about how it would work but both have been angelic with the kids.

I have a 16 week old and a rottweiler. We installed baby gates when I was 20 weeks pregnant in order to get her used to having to be shut out on the odd occasion. We also stopped her from being on the sofa around the same time. We did it early so that she wouldn't relate it to the arrival of the baby.

She's just too big and too clumsy and LO too small for us all to be on the sofa. She is, however, very much included and only shut out when we have to leave the room (eg, to go to the loo). She is included when we are on the floor with the baby. She lies with us and watches what we are doing. She is allowed to sniff him, but that is all, and we are vigilant.

She is the softest dog I've ever met, but we never let our guard down. It's just not worth it.

We had a rottweiler when ds was born. And a husky. Both on the dangerous dog's list. Well managed they all had a fabulous relationship.. Still have the 10yo husky and ds is 9. Never a paw out of line... Ds was 'trained' from a very young age to never approach them when asleep or eating. Never left unsupervised ever.. They say a ddogs training never stops well ime it applies to dc too. Ime you are overthinking op. Nowt as heartwarming than seeing a dc /ddog relationship blossom and thrive...

Thank you for all the responses!

Thank you for sharing your photo @Ibravedaflood 🥰 love it! I think you are right with the overthinking - that is what I do best in most scenarios. I want nothing more than them to have a great relationship!

@Faz469 thank you - I love Rotties. I very much want my girl to be involved and not shut out for sure, my anxiety is so high right now I keep thinking in my head things like is that going to be the only way I’ll be able to live etc, it’s horrible. I’m so cautious and always have been because of her size.

@Wotchaz thank you so much. I thought the same about having months to assess how it will be as they won’t interact for a long time.
I think my worry at that early stage is my dog being sad that our dynamic has changed etc :( I would absolutely not leave her alone for a second, I have read the stories in the news where people leave babies and dogs alone and it’s not ended well, even with dogs that have never shown aggression, you can just never be too careful.

@LavenderSweetPea thank you for your suggestion, I will look into Louise. We are happy to pay for someone really good to help us professionally.

Rehoming her now, without even trying is not an option for me. She literally is my family so I’m not going to give up before I have even tried. I have help from my mum who lives close to me and is experienced with dogs if I needed her to help.
Obviously, if I had continued issues and if it was clear it wouldn’t work then I would be responsible and make whatever decision needed, I wouldn’t continue to put anyone in any danger. I do appreciate everyone’s responses though!

What I would suggest - and it really won't kill your dc- is to allow ddog to smell and like your dc's feet when you bring them home!! Ddog had a good smell and lick and satisfied just walked away pretty quickly.. Not allowing your ddog to bond /accept dc in a ddog sniffing way is a bit cruel imo!! The 2 ddogs we have now are in ds's own words his 'absolute best friends' and could never pick 1 over the other... A true bond indeed...

Thank you ☺️ you have made me feel a lot better xx

@FrancescaBlake you also need to be watchful as your baby grows. My mum moved in with us with a jack russell cross when DS was 2. Randomly he got up from the floor one tea time dashed to the sofa and got the dog, who was asleep in a headlock. There was an adult in the room who pulled them apart and settled the dog (poor thing had no idea what had hit her), but toddlers can react in a split second. It's not necessarily the dog that will cause a trigger issue. You need to make sure you never leave your DC and the dog in the room together, even just to wash your hands or open the door, for the potential actions of the DC as much as the dog.

My frenchie is quite needy, constantly wants to be sat on someone’s lap so I’m worried he’ll feel pushed out once baby arrives. I’m going to send a blanket home from the hospital that baby has used and let him give it a good sniff

There is a brilliant Instagram page called Dogmeetsbaby who sell a series of training packs for introducing new babies to dogs and vice versa. Worth checking out.

I have a lovely, but reactive dog. He isn't aggressive, just very shouty when he feels excited / nervous on lead when he sees other dogs. Off lead he is fine. He isn't big, around 11kg.

Although he hadn't shown any aggression at all to anyone, or anything, I was very anxious. I introduced baby gates early, got him used to the baby equipment, and agreed with partner that we were going to be super hot on their interactions.

When I brought my son home the dog was an absolute nightmare. Barked constantly, kept trying to lick the baby, was really unsure of his new situation. We used lots of treats, gave dog his own space to retreat to, kept them separate at times and together when both of us could supervise. It was impossibly hard training a nervy dog whilst recovering from the birth, but after a few weeks the dog got used to the idea and he stopped trying to constantly lick him. I never really let dog and baby be on the floor in the house together, mainly because it sent the dog into lick mode.

We still separate them, mostly because my son is a very quick toddler who charges towards the dogs yelling his name, but they go on walks together, have garden time together and have supervised (for the dogs sake!!) time together. Dog is besotted, so is my son, and now toddler can throw balls he has figured out a way to interact, which is all he wanted to do. When dog now tries to lick, the toddler just pushes him away so he is respecting that as he does adults now.

I think in your situation with the huge size of your dog I would be even more careful, get a professional in early in keep an eye on the dogs body language. Don't worry about separating them, dogs get used to it as long as they get walks and attention. It's time for them to safely snooze. :)

One side note though - I can never let my dog off lead around toddlers anymore because he thinks they are the best thing since sliced bread. He used to ignore them.

OP while a completely different breed, I have a miniature dachshund with quite bad anxiety (terrified of other dogs and strangers) and who was treated like our child before our baby came along, very needy and wants to be with us all the time (Covid puppy and we both work from home). He weighs 8kg and baby now weighs nearly 2kg more than him.

It was hard at first, but honestly he’s not interested in the baby at all really. He will occasionally lick his feet or hand, but baby is almost 8 months now and I’ve never felt like the dog would hurt the baby. Obviously I wouldn’t ever leave them alone together as a precaution, but we will make sure our baby grows up knowing how to be respectful of our dog. In the early days with baby crying, the dog actually used to go and bury himself in his blanket as if he was trying to drown out the noise.

The key things that have helped us are firstly making sure the dog has a quiet place to go to if things are a bit much - he goes to his chair in our spare room and for peace and quiet. Secondly if you can, try and make sure either you or your partner still give the dog attention. We were really worried the dog would feel jealous of the baby, but actually making sure one of us gives the dog attention while the other plays with baby has been really important. I am ebf so inevitably it’s my husband that fusses over the dog, which has me riddled with guilt a lot of the time! But then when baby sleeps or my husband takes him I make sure the dog still knows I love him too.

its definitely not easy and I completely understand the feeling that the dog is part of your family!

Hi OP
definitely seek help of a reputable dog behaviourist which we did when introducing our dog and baby. Before baby is born get them used to baby items within the home, noises of baby crying off YouTube etc.

our dog has anxiety which concerned us but he has adapted really well, we have a baby gate on the living room with a crate in the kitchen, we were advised in periods throughout the the day to seperate baby and dog so he could have some downtime and know he won’t be disturbed (especially now she is walking!!)
i don’t think any dog can be completely trusted around children so unfortunately you can never take your eyes off them for a second but you can still have a happy home life with a dog and little one xx