AIBU No acknowledgement at work

[redxlondon]

I shared the news about my pregnancy a few months ago at work, I’m now really showing and have been speaking with my boss about plants for maternity cover, how I’ll prepare the handover etc. He offered lots of congratulations and checks in how I’m doing.
His boss, who I speak with about once a week, leads our department. I’ve delivered some big projects for him, and recently interviewed with him for a promotion. We talk a lot about work and none work stuff. He’s not acknowledged my pregnancy or said anything, like congratulations or asking how I am. Is that weird?

No not weird at all, sometimes people do and sometimes they don’t. It just won’t be a big deal to them. I worked with people for years, fell pregnant, some people said something, others didn’t. It didn’t bother me at all.

There will be a card when you go on maternity leave/have the baby.

He may feel it's far too personal or unprofessional to mention it ... too many people are accused of being 'over familiar' in work situations so maybe he'd prefer to not comment. I wouldn't say anything in a professional setting unless the person raised the subject themselves. And to be perfectly blunt, not everyone is happily pregnant, even when I went to my fist midwife appointment when pregnant I was asked, tactfully, if I wanted to terminate.

Weirder to expect him to say something IMO. I would hate a male boss (that I'm not friendly with) talking about me being pregnant. Too personal. He knows you're pregnant so there's not really anything to say about it.

Thanks all. Maybe it’s because there have been so many other comments I’ve over thought it.

It could be that he just wants to remain completely professional or simply that he feels some kind of awkwardness. I say this because one of my best male friends (in a very senior position) is awkward, doesn't know how to react to pregnant women as he desperately wants to be a dad but hasn't yet found his lady... (haven't told him my news yet as I'm only 10+weeks)

Did you mean to post this in Pregnancy and not AIBU?
Some people find it personal and intrusive to be asked about their pregnancy so it's easier to say nothing. I think it's especially hard for men - they can't relate. Better to keep quiet rather than risk offending someone.

Also, if you haven't actually mentioned it to him, why would he bring it up out of the blue... how would he even start the conversation? 'I see that you're pregnant - congratulations!'?

Of course your LM needs to check in with how you're doing, if you're ill or anything it impacts your work but that's not the remit of his boss.

@jh274 your friend only needs to react with 'congratulations' 😎

No he will be waiting for you to mention it first.

These days people often try to avoid making any personal comments at work in case they cause offence.

You're way overthinking it

If your place has a proper HR infrastructure you would undoubtedly know that organisations make employees go through certain training where the end conclusion is...its basically offensive to ask anything about anything to anyone.

He may not want to say anything for various reasons such as it could be a rainbow baby or ivf. None of these things he would know.

Also, without sounding harsh, other people don't need to get excited about your pregnancy.

Just look forward to going on maternity leave and stop over thinking.

FFS, I’m not expecting anyone to be excited.

Also at the HR comment, I’ve had a week of people at work commenting:

1. How huge my bump is for only 24 weeks
2. How the skin on my nose looks gross and red
3. How I look tired

so….. feeling sensitive.

Thanks for sharing perspectives on this, would like to close this off now.

That's terrible! If anything those are the people I'd be annoyed with. How rude I hope you told them they are out of order. How dare they!!

He’s not acknowledged my pregnancy or said anything, like congratulations or asking how I am. Is that weird?

Not really no. It isn't your boss. Any logistics are going directly through your boss and things like leave and handover have already been discussed along with 'lots of congratulations and checks in how I’m doing' so I'm not really sure what you want from this guy.

I’ve got quite a senior role in the function and we interact regularly through the week. So it just seems odd he hasn’t said a single word about it…

This. Kindly, no one else should care apart from you and your partner. Maybe he and his partner experienced baby loss or infertility. Or he doesn’t need a reason as he’s not your friend or family

He's probably worried about intruding.

I’m surprised people are saying no one should care except you and DP.
Surely your friends and family also care. Your boss cares, even if only because of logistics. Quite a few people care I imagine.
but I understand op, it’s like if someone knew it was your bday and didn’t say happy birthday, or that you’d just gotten married and didn’t say congratulations. It would be weird. You dont expect them to care that it’s your birthday or care about your wedding or anything else, but social convention implies they say happy birthday, or ‘congrats’ or whatever so it’s weird if they don’t.

i agree with pp though, maybe he’s worried if he says anything or asks anything it could be your private info that you’ve chosen not to share or discuss publicly, it could be that you think he’s prying for info, or maybe he literally doesn’t care at all or maybe it’s a difficult subject for him. I wouldn’t worry, I doubt it’s about you really.