Everyone full of advice/doom but so few simply ask how I am

[YellowFrogs]

I guess this should be an AIBU but just want to see if others find the same.

Since announcing my pregnancy to friends and family I have found I am getting quite a lot of advice, mainly from extended family - cousins, SIL, my mother, MIL. But zero 'how are you?'s.

Most of the time it is lovely having support and shared excitement. Occasionally though I feel frustrated by excessive unasked for advice (I know it is something I just have to get used to, welcome to motherhood etc!) and lectures on what I should do or think about. Combined with 'I don't think you realise yet... how tired/how unwell you'll be/how lonely it can be'. Thanks to their combined lectures and being quite involved with lots of them as they have gone through early parenthood, I am quite aware of the tough bits. In some ways, terrified of the tough bits to be honest. I am just not sure how the pre-warning in a patronising manner massively helps.

Most of all, I have noticed how rarely these lectures include simply asking how I am. I don't mean this in a self-absorbed way. I just feel if all the energy of the advice giving and doom sharing was put into simply listening, it would be a lot more useful! I guess it is something to remember for the future when I am the 'experienced one' and a loved one is expecting.

I hear what you're saying. Especially the 'just you waits' followed by something negative, they are unnecessary. But also as someone who has (luckily) had a pregnancy with very few symptoms I have found the constant 'how are you' and 'how are you feeling' equally annoying, like I'm fine, I'm pregnant, I don't have an illness. Especially now so that I'm 39 weeks anyone who asks me 'how are you feeling' I really wonder what they are expecting because I'm fine, all be it a bit fed up and wanting to meet my baby 😂

I don't think people can say anything right to a pregnant lady! 😂

Well, I hope that you're doing okay.
Also, I'm only several months in so certainly no expert, but I've never felt lonely (infact I love having an excuse to see loads of people), he sleeps okay so I'm not tired, and I've not be unwell. You never know, but hopefully it's the same for you. I also remember all the knowing looks, and I've quite enjoyed proving them wrong

Occasionally though I feel frustrated by excessive unasked for advice (I know it is something I just have to get used to,
nah, tell them to shut up.
honestly, just say thanks, but I’ve got this
thanks but I’ll ask if I need your advice
and you can get ruder and ruder if you want
thanks for another unsolicited opinion/lecture SIL!
or ask them outright, when they’re saying just you wait or sharing some negative warning, ask them what do you want me to do with that information? Why are you saying that? Did you think that was helpful?
it’s good you know not to do it to other women though!

And congratulations op! I do hope you are ok!!

Ah yes, the unwanted advice is like nothing else! As you say, remember how it feels. I now try very hard to give zero advice or opinion on pregnancy/babies unless it’s actively asked for.

I hope your pregnancy is going well!

I'm on my third pregnancy so am now free of this, but I remember it well! A friend's Mum tried to convince me that I had/ would soon develop postnatal depression because she had suffered. She meant well but the baby had actually slept pretty well and I was bouncing with joy that day. I think she thought I was too happy to not be faking it 😂

Anyway, how ARE you, OP?