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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Father's name on birth certificate

27 replies

Helpwanted91 · 18/10/2023 22:27

Hi, I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant with my first child. My partner and I dont live together he wants me too move into his when the baby is born. The problem is he isn't accepting of my elderly dog and wants me to get rid of him. Obviously I'm not going to get rid of him as I have had him since he was a puppy and he is my world and such a good boy. I dont see why i should be the one to sacrifice everything i.e i will be the one moving away from my family etc I currently live with my mum and her partner as I was saving for a mortgage before I found out I was pregnant. So I said I'm going to stay put if my dog isn't welcome. My partner told me that he would take me to court for custody of the baby. My question is do I hold back on putting him on the birth certificate if he's threatening to take me to court to protect myself a little. I have done nothing but worry since he said it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ConnieTucker · 18/10/2023 22:31

Yes dont make anything easy for him. He is clearly a wanker. You cannot put him on anyway if be isnt there with you. Obviously give baby your surname.

Summer2424 · 18/10/2023 22:34

Hi @Helpwanted91
Don't put him on the birth certificate hun xx

Summer2424 · 18/10/2023 22:36

@Helpwanted91
'Take you to court for custody of the baby'. You're 21 weeks pregnant, you should not have to hear things like that. Look after yourself hun and don't worry xx

Toddler101 · 18/10/2023 22:37

My partner told me that he would take me to court for custody of the baby. My question is do I hold back on putting him on the birth certificate if he's threatening to take me to court to protect myself a little.

Absolutely hold back!

Boozlebammed · 18/10/2023 22:38

Surely that should be ex partner when he is treating you like this during pregnancy?! Make sure you stay with your Mum where you have support.

heartofglass23 · 18/10/2023 22:40

Stay with your mum and cut all contact with him. Tell him you miscarried/had an abortion then block him.

He will destroy your life.

RoseAndRose · 18/10/2023 22:45

This kind of threatening behaviour is just plain wrong.

Domestic abuse often begins or escalates during pregnancy. This is at present just one really, really shitty comment, but you need to be alert to the possibility now.

Unless he somehow misspoke, it seems he is threatening to attempt to remove your baby from you because you're not doing what he wants.

So unless there's a drip feed in the offing saying that your beloved old dog is actually a massive bull breed showing early signs of doggy dementia, he is so far in the wrong it's hard to know where to start.

Other than by reminding you to give your baby your surname, and to think carefully about the BC (which isn't just a genealogical record, actually confers parental responsibility)

I think you have done the right thing to continue living with your DMum

Olika · 18/10/2023 22:59

Definitely leave him out of the birth certificate. Please reconsider your relationship though and don't move.

GrazingSheep · 18/10/2023 23:06

Another baby born to another shit father.
Stay where you are with your mum and your loved and lovely dog.

looking4pup · 19/10/2023 05:25

Wait. Are you still in a relationship?

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 19/10/2023 05:33

Your 'partner' is an arsehole. Are you still with him??
If he wants to apply to court it won't make any difference if he's on the birth certificate or not but if he's going to be a controlling arsehole it's better not to put him on as he's just as likely to disappear and be an absent dad as take you to court.
Also please don't worry. He won't get 'custody' of your brand new baby. He's just a bully.

fairymary87 · 19/10/2023 05:51

Girl leave him off the birth certificate and make sure you leave him too. He's clearly very controlling and would make your life miserable

Neverinamonthofsundays · 19/10/2023 06:30

Make him your ex partner and do not put him on the certificate. If he is trying to control and abuse you now he will only get worse. Stay home with your mum and your dog till you have the funds to move into your own place. Tell him to go fuck himself.

Mummy08m · 19/10/2023 06:33

Do not worry about that threat, I'd be amazed if a court took a newborn baby off his mother to an abusive man, for no other reason than they live with a dog...!

He's not only abusive to make that threat, he's an idiot as well.

guild · 19/10/2023 06:36

Good on you for standing by your lovely dog, so many would have abandoned him. I would be the same, anyone who can't see that dogs can't just be tossed away is questionable.

For the love of god don't put him on the birth certificate if he'd rather take the mother of his child to court than live with a lovely senior dog.

QuillBill · 19/10/2023 06:45

I wouldn't describe someone who was threatening me with taking my baby away as my partner. I think he's blown it!

He's telling you that if you don't move in with him he's going to take you to court! Is that the relationship that you want?

You stay where you are with your own support network, your own home and your own dog. You will be just fine,

The very idea that he would get custody of a baby because you wouldn't move in to his house is absolutely preposterous.

Gingerkittykat · 19/10/2023 07:11

Please don't ever move in with this man and I agree with all of the other posters to not put him on the birth certificate.

How old are you both?

Original poster

Helpwanted91 · 19/10/2023 09:30

Than you for all the replies, I couldn't believe it when he said as I really didn't think he would be like that tbh. I'm 32 and he is 42

OP posts:

greyhairnomore · 19/10/2023 10:13

heartofglass23 · 18/10/2023 22:40

Stay with your mum and cut all contact with him. Tell him you miscarried/had an abortion then block him.

He will destroy your life.

@Helpwanted91 I agree. He will make your life a misery for the next 18 years.
He'll be threatening all sorts and have you walking on eggshells.

KMM87 · 19/10/2023 11:15

I’m so sorry you are having to go through this 🙁 Why does he only want you to move in when the baby is born? Surely that would be happening now anyway so you can adjust to living together before baby is born.
I agree with others that you stay where you are. His threat was probably empty anyway and I would try not to worry. There is no way he could take the baby off you 🤍

pinkyredrose · 19/10/2023 11:18

Don't put him on the birth certificate, it'll give him parental rights.

Please give the baby your surname and don't worry, no court in the land would give custody of a newborn to a bullying father. Seriously they won't.

Coldinscotland · 19/10/2023 11:20

Agree tell him you had an abortion.. Your dc isn't even fully formed and he wants it snatched from it's dm... Imagine when it is here and he is being such a cunt? Confide in your family. And block him.

BoohooWoohoo · 19/10/2023 11:42

OP 😢 😡

Do not move in with this man under any circumstances. He's showing you his true colours right now and it's a fucking red flag party.

If you do as he says because you are afraid of losing time with the baby then he will use this threat every time.

The most that he would get is 50% and that would be when the baby is older. He has no chance of getting 100% unless you are a junkie pedophile or something.

The threat to go for custody is such an abuser's cliché. It will cost him money and time and most losers like him can't be arsed. Plus there's the problem of having to pay someone or con a new gf into doing the childcare which interferes with their desire to be single and do what they fancy.

He can easily get himself added to the birth certificate later but this requires paying money and filling out forms which might be a convenient hurdle so he doesn't bother.

I would recommend that you don't tell him when you register the baby so you can avoid the inevitable attempt to control name and surname. (Abusive types always want their surname) If he is suitably annoyed he can take you to court later to have his added but it takes time and money so most don't bother.

If I were you I wouldn't tell him your new address (when you buy your home) and take myself off social media. This man is abusive and if I were your family, I'd be highly concerned for your safety. Run

stayathomer · 19/10/2023 11:48

Sorry but while I don't think he's great it's your baby who deserves to know who their parents are and it's incredibly awful to already predict that in the future they don't need to know their father and that their father doesn't need to know they exist. You don't have the right to make a choice for that baby (from someone who spent years helping someone try to find their father after their mother died)

TheGooseDrankWine · 19/10/2023 11:50

This does not sound like a relationship that has a strong base. You haven’t felt the need to live together or close by, you prioritise your dog over a life with him, he issues ultimatums over your dog and worse threatens to take you to court for residency (he stand no chance, of course, but could get access).

So based on this I wouldn’t be leaving my friends and family to live with him for the first time when the baby is born,

How do you view this relationship? Was the baby planned?

With someone who starts threats before the baby is even born I would make things as hard as possible.

In fact I would finish the relationship, probably not put him on the BC, definitely not give your baby his surname. Even if the relationship does survive.

Access and knowing their Dad is important if he is committed / interested, but that can happen whether or not he has parental responsibility.

However, he could go to court to establish parental responsibility.

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