Heavy bleeding - midwives won’t tell me if I’ve miscarried or not?

[Mummy30110911]

Hi, just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience.

I’m currently 6 week and 5 days and my partner and I had made the decision that we didn’t want to go ahead with this pregnancy for personal reasons.

I had my termination appointment to get my medication today however 4 days ago I started heavy bleeding and painfully cramping so I presumed I was having a miscarriage anyway (I’ve had a miscarriage before so I know what heavy bleeding is versus spotting) so I rang a helpline and she told me just to wait for my appointment today to confirm it was a miscarriage and to see if I need anymore further treatment.

so I get to my appointment today and I inform the woman and she’d scanned to be sure and when I asked what did she see , she said I haven’t miscarried and she could see a sac so I asked her to clarify if the baby was alive or not, wether it had a heartbeat or not and she wouldn’t tell me. Having had an incomplete miscarriage before (where the babies heart stops but doesn’t come out on it owns and you need further intervention) I asked her if that’s what happening but she just kept saying there was a sac and wouldn’t say anymore. I asked again that I would like to know if there was a heartbeat because I would like to know and she said “there’s no reason I need to know because I’m getting rid of it anyway so what’s the point”

im left really confused because I’m bleeding heavily, 4 days heavy blood, pads needed and bad 6/10 cramps and I have a high pain threshold but apparently I’m not miss carrying? I also don’t know if the baby is alive or not? I don’t know where all this blood is coming from?

I was 100% about my decision before the appointment but after it has shaken me and I’m Just left confused now I’m still pretty sure on my decision (I’m going to sleep on it before I decide to taken any medication) but I just feel I have a right to know what’s going on with my body/ baby? Anyone been through anything similar?

sorry it’s long and thanks in advance x

No experience to share but sending love.
I can't believe what she said about getting rid of it, I think you should report that when you're feeling stronger.

Thank you for you reply, it means a lot.

I know it was such an awful comment she made and has really made me feel quite shamed and like I don’t deserve to know what’s going on.

I will think about reporting it because I don’t want this to happen to another woman.

I think I’m going to ring 111/ my hospital and see if they will help me, find out what’s going on but Im nervous about speaking to another health care provider because I don’t want to be shamed again.

@Mummy30110911 that is a dreadful comment she made. You have absolutely the right to know what is going on with your body regardless of what further decisions you make. I hope you are doing ok today and manage to get some answers.

Thank you so much for replying!! Yeah I believe the same, but I’m quite mild mannered so I think I get fobbed off really easily sometimes by medical staff.

like regardless of my decision this is still a baby in my body and I still care and I’ll grieve and it’s really hard situation anyway and she just made it so much harder because I’m going to have to go to A&E to get a simple answer of what’s going on.

thank you x

I would absolutely complain about that woman, what she said to you is awful and I'm sorry you had to deal with it. I hope you get to the bottom of what's happening soon x

So if anyone is interested I have an update.

I rang the bpas helpline to discuss my situation yesterday, the lady I spoke to was horrified about my experience and said any of my questions should have been answered but she wasn’t very helpful with trying to help get me a solution either and that was the end of the phone call.

fast forward a few hours my partner and I were discussing wether we wanted to go to the hospital to try get help there but I really didn’t want to do because I would have to go to the maternity unit and see all the happy expectant mothers and that would of really upset me. So we were kind lost and confused still and didn’t know what to do.

then I receive another phone call from bpas, this time it’s like the head midwife in charge and she had just been sent an email about my situation and was horrified too and she wanted to see how I was doing and wanted to help me get the answers I deserved.

so after checking I was okay, we went over the whole situation and she asked me what I wanted to know which was wether my baby was a viable pregnancy or not, wether I had miscarried like I thought. Long story short, I’ve had 2 scans this pregnancy and both times the ladies who scanned me didn’t tell me anything of the information they found when they should have. So the findings were my baby was never a viable pregnancy there was a gestational sac but there was only a yolk inside, the foetus never developed and not only that but the sac implanted at the bottom of my uterus so even if the baby was viable that would have been another complication anyway and the bleeding I was experiencing was my body trying very hard to reject the pregnancy because it wasn’t viable. But this hasn’t been mentioned to me by anyone until yesterday and being told this 3 weeks ago at my first scan would have saved my so much heartbreak.

however this wasn’t the only information she found from my scans (of which they did an internal to get a better look) they found out my uterus is heart shaped but also tilted (I can’t remember the medical names) and the lady asked me if I ever been pregnant before and I said yes I have 2 children then she asked if I was able to carry to term which I said yes to which she was very surprised. She said that a lot of people with a uterus like mine do have a risk of more pregnancy problems like recurrent miscarriages and preterm Labour at around 24 weeks and in all my pregnancies I should have been monitored very early on and frequently to which I never had.

I have had really hard and painful pregnancies which always ended in c sections because my babies were breech and couldn’t be turned (now I know due to the shape of my uterus) but also a lot pain and I was always made to feel like i was being difficult but after one phone call I now know that there was a reason my pregnancies have been so hard and I feel more validated from this amazing lady than I have from any of the dozens of health care professional I have seen in 6 years who have neglected to tell me any of this information.

I'm just so shocked and stunned to find out all this medical information about myself that I never knew and actually how lucky I am that both my children arrived safely. I’m so grateful for the woman who rang me and have gave me great comfort that this baby was never viable and what I knew in my heart was true but also shon a light on my past experiences too and made all my crying night from my previous pregnancies makes sense. This also help me massively if I ever chose to have another baby because I can make informed decisions about wether I want to risk a higher risk pregnancy.

sorry if it was a long update but when I read these forum I always check for updates so I thought I would. And thank you to everyone who commented, it means a lot to me. Thank you x

I'm so glad you got those answers!

Very selfishly, I've also just found out I have a heart shaped uterus so it's reassuring to hear you were able to carry your two children to term - not the point I know.

I hope you're doing ok now you know what's been going on x

@Mummy30110911 thank you for the update. I am so glad you have had answers and hope you can take some comfort from that. I had a similar miscarriage where there was a sac but the baby didn't develop and I know it is a confusing time/ Take care ❤️

Thank you!!!

it’s not selfish at all! I’m sorry you’ve just found that out, it’s really hard information to process! I always wanted to have vaginal deliveries and it was hard for me that I couldn’t. I hope you all the best in the future and it is possible!!

I feel good now thank you, just over the worse of the pain and just trying to recover now x

Oh glad you got some answers and yay to the midwife advocating for you. Sending love

I know I’m so grateful for her and thank you!! Sending love back x