How quickly did you go back to work?

[RheaLily]

Hi everyone. I am currently 7 weeks with my first, planned but earlier than planned (had a chemical earlier in the year, carried on trying for a few months but nothing happened, planned to put trying on hold for a few months whilst I settled into a new job, happened just as we decided to stop trying)
I am proud of the career I have built and my new job is a great opportunity for me, development and earning wise.
I guess I am, probably selfishly, worrying about my career. I’m already so anxious to tell them as I’ve only just started, but I was just wondering how long people were on maternity leave before returning to work?
I know it depends on childcare costs etc in a lot of cases, but I am just curious.
I am worried about not being able to return to my job as it is now etc.
Partner keeps reminding me that it’s just a pause in my career, not the end! But struggling with this, also struggling with feeling selfish for even thinking about this.
Thank you

I know how you feel, for me I'm not going back to a job I adore which can't be replicated anywhere else really as its really alot about the location, simply because I'd be spending my whole monthly salary on childcare in the area I lived and worked, so we relocated for a few years so I can stay at home with the baby. Im so worried i wont find a job like it when I return to work after two years. I love working and love my job and colleagues so it's a huge wrench and I'm constantly second guessing myself but have to remind myself I couldn't have afforded a child and to live and work in that area, one or the other til he is in school really! It's really hard isn't it, feeling like you should want to be with your child all the time but also wanting to go back to work! Most of my friends said the same then changed at the 5 to 6 months mark after the dreaded new born phase was over and alot went back to work flexi or part time to get the best of both worlds. The urge to go back to work was strong for me in the newborn weeks, as it was more difficult than I ever imagined and the control of the working day seemed like a paradise 😂 there's no right answer unfortunately, it's individual to the mums but you shouldn't feel guilty for going back to work at the time it feels right for you.

I went back full time when DT’s were six months old (normal maternity leave then). Don’t regret it - my career wouldn’t wait any longer.

I would say take at least 6 months, ideally a year - you don’t get the time back and companies are geared up to get year long Mat covers. But really you won’t know how you feel until you’ve had your baby. Might also be worth checking the youngest age that is taken by your local nurseries/ childminder and if you’d be happy for a 6 month old to be in a baby room or would rather them with a nanny/childminder and if so finding the right fit/ timescale.

I went back when my son was 8.5 months. I felt comfortable going back at that time but I reduced my hours after maternity leave so I had good work/life balance. My parents were minding my son while I worked so I knew he was happy in a familiar setting and very well looked after.

It's very individual when people are happy to return to work, depends on the type of child you have too. It's impossible to know at 7 weeks pregnant imo.

Four and five months each time, part time.
I was more than ready.
Twenty years on, never a single regret. All bonded just fine and my pension looks great.

Thank you for your reply, that sounds tough, obviously I’ve not yet been through having a child but I imagine it can be very conflicting with wanting to be at home with the baby but also wanting to get back to work.
Im sorry to hear you may not be able to get back to the job you loved, I can imagine the anxiety around finding something else after two years must be high, when you’re not sure what that may end up being.
To be fair, i am very worried about not being able to cope let alone returning to work 😂 I suppose I am just scared of losing myself and any kind of ‘normal’ which makes me think a lot about when I would return to work as that’s all I have known for the past 12 years!

3 months. No I don't think it was selfish - the money I earn is mostly spent on giving my DC the best life.

@RheaLily it's the perfect storm for me of living hundreds of miles from family (lived in London for 17 years and they're up north) plus very high cost of living beautiful area, plus hugely fulfilling but not highly paid job so expenses are huge, pay isn't great and no family to help with childcare, so having a few years adventure in the Scottish countryside til we get to starting reception age and can decide where we want to live. Might be back to the old haunts but it's one of those places, once you leave you can't imagine splurging that much money on rent again! It definitely added to the anxiety of the newborn phase so I'd say don't let it play on your mind too much during the first 12 weeks, cos you might want to go back to work on day 2 if you're anything like me 😅 adore the boy but my god was he hard work!

I went back after a year. Realistically the difference between being off for 6 months compared to 9 months (for example) won’t be noticed by anyone at work apart from you. People will notice you’ve gone, but will lose track of how long for.

Sleep deprivation/ disturbance lasted a lot longer than I had realised pre-baby. My brain just wouldn’t have been up to it much before 12 months to be honest. And if it’s a new / challenging job, it would be difficult to feel you’re not giving your best.

I think it’s better to go back a bit later and perform really well than go back too soon and struggle. (Not saying that everyone who goes back earlier struggles btw… but I would have done).

Also I found the last few months of maternity leave the most fun… DS started to get a bit of personality and it was much less mundane.

This is a hard one as you genuinely don't know how you will feel when the baby is here. For some going back to work is a life line or necessary. Before I had my first I was insistent I would be going back after 9 months as there was no way I was taking unpaid leave. When the baby came everything changed and I didn't go back until she was 13 months (the last month was annual leave).

4 weeks self employed and running a business with both babies.

As soon as I could get back I did, their dad stayed home for a while and then I used a mixture of working evenings and weekends and trying to juggle with 3 days a week childcare and got some staff in.

I do have regrets, but I literally had zero choice I would have lost my clients and business if I'd taken hers off and no income.

Whats right for you will work.

I honestly think you have to play it by ear.

I was v career focused and ambitious.
I had no burning urge for children and my DH was the driver of our first child, I was open to it but honestly thought I'd be 1 & done. Felt very confident pre birth i'd do 6m and go back FT.

I took the full year and then got pregnant with DC2 within 2m of going back to work (on purpose not accidentally!)

I know I will take the full year again this time and then go back FT after no 2 (my job isn't a 3/4day pw type job) but my family is just way more important now. My sector is very competitive and with 2 under 3 when I return to work I know I can't compete with many of my peers. I'm not going to be climbing the ladder at any great rate for a few years and I've made my peace with that.

You just have to follow your gut. The right answer is different for everyone

I took the max off which was 13.5 months. I went back to same job but I reduced my hours. I find the balance works for me and I'm more motivated on those days in work as I have a good work/family balance. I'm 15 weeks pregnant with my second now and intend to take the entire time off again. Like others have said play it by ear, some want to go back sooner and others don't , just like some will want to go back full time and others reduced hours if they can. It's hard to say how you'll feel when they aren't here. X

If your DH was the driver for your first baby, could he not have reduced his hours or stayed at home?