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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Scared to give birth

23 replies

Tel90 · 08/10/2023 13:14

Hi everyone! This is my first baby and I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant and it’s almost time to give birth to my little girl. I am getting really scared and nervous to give birth . I’m so scared something happens to me or baby. I can’t stop thinking about it. Any advice ??

OP posts:
Rowgtfc72 · 08/10/2023 13:16

Fear of the unknown.
You'll find once you're in labour you'll be too otherwise occupied to worry.
It wasn't till weeks later I started to go through the what ifs.

ILookAtTheFloor · 08/10/2023 13:18

Watch birth videos on Instagram. Search for things like hyponobirthing, calm birth, home birth- normalise it!! Read birthing affirmation- you've got this! Your body was built for birthing!

rowantree1997 · 08/10/2023 13:22

My friend gave birth a couple of years before me. The first thing she said to me when I visited her in the hospital was that it was nowhere near as bad as she imagined it would be!
It was very reassuring (and in my case also true).

Cindy1802 · 08/10/2023 13:23

If you have a few weeks left I would highly recommend the positive birth company Digital pack - you can start watching the content immediately. It educates you about what exactly your body is going through at each stage of labour, and gives you tips and techniques of how to deal with each. It completely removed the fear for me - knowledge is power. Yes I was nervous about birth, but not scared. I didn't tear, and I only pushed about 3 times at the very end to get babys head and shoulders out - up until that point I let my body do what it knew how to do - and I genuinely put that down to what I learnt from the content.

I'm currently 7 months pregnant with baby no2 and defo plan to watch the content again to give myself a refresher. My husband also found the content really useful, as it educates the birth partner about the role they play and what they can do during labour (as opposed to being clueless and feeling helpless when we're in the throws of labour!)

Good luck, you've got this.

Pr1mr0se · 08/10/2023 13:23

You've never done this before so of course you're anxious. Try and use the time before the baby is born in these last few weeks to have some time just for you.

Ollifer · 08/10/2023 13:26

Don't be scared of asking for pain relief, you should feel in control at all times. I had gas and air, pethidine and then eventually an epidural due to a very prolonged and complicated labour, it meant that the last stage I could hardly feel. I had an assisted birth and although it wasn't how I imagined it my baby and me were monitored and kept safe at all times. I've known people who have given birth and been shopping at Tesco the next day so you just don't know how it'll go but just be willing to change plans and see how you feel as you go through labour.

Ollifer · 08/10/2023 13:27

Just to add, I have a phobia of vaginal birth and wanted a c section and used to have nightmares all the way leading up to labour (I also had a thread on here about it way back then!). But I did it, and I'm still shocked to this day at what my body managed to do.

Greetingsfellows · 08/10/2023 13:31

I really feel for you OP. I had severe anxiety about giving birth when I had DC1. It was genuinely more like a phobia. I'm currently 38 weeks with DC2.

My advice would be to be really clear on what you want to make you feel more in control but prepared for the fact that it might have to change. I found that having minimal clear limits made the build up more bareable but things I was adamantly against (episiostomy) my feelings changed about when I was in labour and all I cared about was helping me/baby. So, don't worry about sticking to your birth plan, just try to go with the flow of what you feel will be best for the both of you.

Remember that you are in the hands of the medical experts and trust them to know how to help you and your baby girl. Make sure that your birth partner is aware of your fears too. I found that made a big difference as it helped keep me calm. Also, if you have it, gas and air is so disorientating that you do don't really have the capacity to get fearful during labour. I hope that provides some comfort!

Good luck! I'm sure you'll be fine.

Ttcmumma · 08/10/2023 13:35

My labour with my son was far from straight forward, the main thing for me was knowing my stuff and advocating for myself and my baby. I trusted my instincts if I felt something wasn't right and didn't take no for an answer. All turned out fine tho! He's 5 now and I'm currently almost 14 weeks with baby number 2 so it couldn't have been that bad if I'm so willing to do it again 😉.

Oh also, I thought I was hardcore and could go all natural... Asking for pain relief was the best thing I done. Helped in so many ways! I personally can't have gas and air as it makes me throw up and didn't really want an epidural (I have spinal issues so was worried something would go wrong!) They gave me a little codiene and paracetemol and I then began napping between contractions. My partner thought I was dying but I was just trying to catch a few zzzs 🤣

Summer2424 · 08/10/2023 13:48

Hi @Tel90
With my pregnancies i kept thinking of that moment when i'll finally meet my baby it really kept me going x

apric0t · 08/10/2023 14:01

Do the digital pack from the positive birth company

Findyourneutralspace · 08/10/2023 14:04

I used to look at all the women pushing buggies and tell myself - she’s done it, and she’s done it, so I can do it.

It’s daunting but it’s part of life, and there are so many options for pain relief and intervention, should it be needed.

Tiredmamma123 · 08/10/2023 15:21

had My first baby in feb - like you was terrified of the unknown. How would I know I’m in Labour, have I timed it right? Pain relief.

honestly I loved it and would do it again. All I would say is be firm and don’t take no for an answer. I knew all along I wanted an epidural, I ended up 2 weeks overdue and had an induction booked for the following day but went to get checked, turns out the pains I thought were braxton hicks were contractions and I was 5cm. Triaged tried sending me to birth centre but I knew I wanted an epidural and couldn’t get it there, she kept trying to tell me I could do it etc but I just said no I wasn’t being pressured into something I didn’t want. Even though mine didn’t go smoothly, I actually really enjoyed it which is strange!

good luck - it’s all worth it!

lifehappens12 · 08/10/2023 16:03

I was scared too but knowledge is power. I spent time watching one born every minute to get an idea of what it might be like.

Also breathing! It's so important. When the contractions start do not hold your breath as it makes the pain so much worth.

Hold something and keep breathing.

I also found the pain worst lying on my back.

Stand up and lean over something.

lifehappens12 · 08/10/2023 16:05

Lastly - this is what I told myself before my second was induced and that scared me as I had experience of a labour without pain relief - it's such a short period of your life. My first labour was about 6 hours of pain and then all over.

Just keep thinking of it as a short time, it will pass!

Plumful · 08/10/2023 16:06

Knowledge is power. Have you done any reading etc to help you? I highly recommend the positive birth company’s digital hypnobirthing course, it explains what happens at each stage of labour, all possible interventions, and how to give yourself the best chance of a good labour.

Original poster
Tel90 · 09/10/2023 01:34

Thank you so much everyone! All the information is definitely helping 😁x

OP posts:
GodspeedJune · 09/10/2023 01:38

I recommend the positive birth book by Milli Hill. It’s available as an audiobook too.

dreamcatchmee · 09/10/2023 07:49

If you're able to take a look at positive birth company course online, or order the book instead to have a read and hope that you start to feel empowered that you absolutely can do this and then some fear to excitement. It is scary as it's all unknown. I am wishing you and your baby a healthy delivery. Sending love!

restie · 09/10/2023 07:53

Recommend hypnobirthing related stuff ..... helps get your head into the right mind set...

Ariela · 09/10/2023 08:55

I'm sure that everyone that had even a vaguely poor birth experience takes great delight in telling you the whole 'woe is me' tale before you have your first.
Then, when you have an uneventful but successful birth EVERYONE AND THEIR MATES (far more than had a poor story to tell you) that ever had a pretty uneventful birth story takes delight in saying 'Oh yes, same for me!' - even if they'd also regaled you with a horrendous 'everything went wrong' tale about another child of theirs being born.
Which is absolutely no help for your peace of mind/fear of unknown

Agree with hypnobirthing, will help a lot. IMO being in a calm state to start with is half the battle.

MariaVT65 · 09/10/2023 09:00

Yes as PPs have said, regardless of what kind of birth you have, ask for pain relief and don’t be afraid to demand more relief if what they give you isn’t strong enough. There are no medals for coping with pain. Good luck :)

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