Advice

[LemonadeLou]

So I’ve recently found out I’m pregnant. Not planned, I have an older daughter 11 with additional needs, a 10 month old son and now I’m very newly pregnant. We was using contraception so I don’t know how this happened (I mean, I know HOW this happened too much wine and a cheeky early night but how contraception failed?!)

im due back to work next month. We live in a small 3 bed. Our room, eldest’s room (needs own space due to needs) and the smallest “room” for 10 month old which fits a cot and drawers and that’s it.

our room is tiny. Can’t sleep downstairs as that’s dinky too and no option to move right now.

I guess my question is I have always been personally against termination. Not for others, I have close friends who have chosen this route and I support that for them. But me, I’ve always just not been happy to do that. However, this is crossing my mind now. If I can’t have the room for a baby, is it fair to do this? I would have to leave my job. Other half still works full time, we would “manage” financially as have a lot of leftover baby stuff from the youngest. I don’t know what I’m asking but any others in same boat? Am I unreasonable to consider a termination based on room? It’s going to be hard with 2 under 2 also.. Christ. Hadn’t thought of that until now either!!

Please help!

Not unreasonable to consider it at all. Its a valid choice for lots of women.

It’s ultimately your decision op, but would bunk beds fit in that small room once the cot is out? It is an option as your 10mo will be evicted from the cot come baby’s due date and could possibly sleep on the bottom bunk until new baby needed a bed, and slowly transition to top for middle DC? Would this be practical? Or are finances a worry (they would be for me hence why it may add to worry). Having a termination doesn’t make you a bad person or any less of a loving mum.

Of course it's your choice. It sounds as if a baby would affect the quality of life of your existing children. It's absolutely OK to make a decision that's right for you but you still feel sad about.Feeling sad about it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

You’re all right. It’s nothing to feel ashamed about and I would be sad. It’s whether I plough through with this and manage? We wanted another child in a few years. So it’s not off the table forever, but is it unfair on the little one? Not spending that time with all our concentration on him? Eldest Daughter likes to game with her friends so she’s not really overly fussed with her little sibling.

is it cruel to keep and then be cramped, chaotic but loved?

of be sensible and stick with what we have but have that doubt of “should we have terminated”?

im at a loss

Bunk beds won’t fit unfortunately. Even a single bed will be a struggle 😬