Naming new baby after dead mother?

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Hi all,
Soon to be finding the gender of my baby and trying to come up with names. DM died very unexpectedly when I was a child. I always thought if I had a daughter I would like to name her after DM.
However not sure if it will be weird as baby will be taking my surname so would have the exact same name as my mum? Also worried it would upset my dad and his partner.

Im unsure whether to give the name as a middle name instead. Any input appreciated. :)

You name your baby exactly as you wish to: I sort of named my baby after my twin giving her a different variation of her name.
You go ahead and honour your late mother. Your dad and his partner will find this touching im sure x

My DS never met either of his grandfathers... he has both of their names! I think it's a lovely and meaningful thing to do - go for it!

I wanted to do this but as a middle name.

My personal feeling was that it might be too much of a weight as a first name - for her to feel she had to live up to or was in my mum's shadow rather than having her own identity, and for me I think it would have been painful too.

But I'm not you.

Have you discussed it with anyone? I think it's lovely that you want to honour your mum's memory. If people get emotional when you bring it up, remember that's because of the loss not you.

I think it's a lovely idea! A name with real meaning. Why would it upset your dad and his partner?

It’s ok if it upsets your dad’s partner and even if it upsets your dad (though I would give him time to process it). She was your mum and you get to use her name as a first name if it feels right for you.

Are there any similar names that might work, so it sounds inspired by your mum, as opposed to using her actual name?

I don't think I'd give someone the exact same name as someone else, as that to me carries some weighty expectations.

Dd is named after her dad's mum, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was pregnant and fought like a bloody demon to last long enough to meet dd. We kept her full name from her until she first met dd and she was elated. ExFil cried when we told him what we were doing.

Dd loves that she has such a close connection to her grandma.

Exmil died when dd was 9 weeks old.

I think it is a lovely tribute.

I don’t like the practice, though I know it’s quite common. Something about this new person being uniquely themselves not a sort of daily memorial to your mum, I think. Middle name’s different and seems more appropriate to me.

I named my DD after my mum who had passed away. Its a great name and is all hers but with the added benefit of having a lovely and meaningful family link. She is twenty now.

I’d have your mum’s actual name as a middle name, or a variation of your mum’s name as your DD’s first name.

For example if your mum’s name was Katherine, DD could be Katie. Then DD still gets her ‘own’ name with a lovely little nod to your DM.

Having said that, though, I’m named after both my Nanas (first name and middle name, same spellings and all!)

My daughter and late mum have the same middle name, which I thought was a nice family link to have.

My dad died when I was 24, I had my son 4 years later and gave him dads name as a middle name. Was absolutely sure it was a good idea and it felt right.

27 years later I’m not sure. It can feel like a “burden” and of course my son never met my dad. It’s the sort of name where you would ask ‘is that after someone’? so has to be explained.

What you do in the aftermath of bereavement and what you would do years later can be different 🤷🏻‍♀️

I used my mum’s name as my daughters middle name. Mostly this was because the name is quite dated and tbh I don’t love it so I wouldn’t have wanted it as a first name. Not sure if I would have felt differently if it was a name I really loved.

surely your dad would be pleased not upset?

My ds has my dad's full name ( he died when I was a child). My ds is definitely his own person and has not upset anyone.

It’s a lovely idea. Maybe have a chat to your dad about it.

My DD is named after my mum who died a month before I gave birth. Luckily she was called Elizabeth so there is a big variety of nicknames that make it her name rather than just about my mum. Dd loves the connection with her nana.

My sibs and I have given our late mother's name as a middle name to all our female children. The girls like it as it connects them together and no one has the 'weight' of it as a first name.
Worked for us.
My DD isn't doubled barrelled but I call her first and middle name all the time.

I think you do what you want to do. I gave DD my mum’s name as a middle name, but I did seriously consider giving her a version of it at a first name (similar to Rebecca/ Becky). Your DD will be her own person and make the name her own, I wouldn’t worry about it.

I think it's a lovely idea. It doesn't matter that it will be exactly the same name as your mother, I find it quite poetic actually.

You might want to talk to your Dad and his partner beforehand to gently warn them. Are you close to your Dad's partner? Using her name as a second name (or a feminine version of your Dad's name) might be a solution? I can't really see what kind of people would be upset at that.

I've named my daughter after my mum who died 10 years ago. I even gave her my maiden name as a middle name so she has my mum's exact name.

I love it, I don't think of my mum every time I say her name, she owns it now. But every so often when she does something my mum would like or likes something my mum did, I feel closer to her again.

My sister did express later on a slight discomfort when I talked to her about using the name but she likes it now. My dad enjoys saying my mum's name out loud again and refuses to use any of the nicknames/pet names she's been given.

My opinion is go for it but then again you could use it as a middle name if you are unsure.

I'd be astonished if it upset your dad's partner. They won't be threatened by your love for your mother. That would be daft. Name your baby as you like. Use your mum's name as a first name if you love the name; as a middle name if you love the idea but prefer another name.

My daughter is named after MIL who died before she was born, but we pronounce the name differently (MIL had non-standard pronunciation)
We asked FIL first as we wanted to make sure he was ok with it. I liked the name anyway, and DD likes that she has a connection with her granny. She has my name and her other granny's name as middle names, as we are that unoriginal

Thanks all for your input and apologies for the late reply 😊
Will have a good think about it (that’s if the gender reveals a girl 😅) The name in question is Michelle so not sure of any similar names/abbreviations I could give, if it’s a boy I could use Michael which would be similar.

Thanks again!

There’s nothing unusual about doing this.

It won’t be upsetting to your daughter, if she thinks about it at all, it will just be that you gave her granny’s name because you love them both.

I doubt it would upset your Dad or SMum - it certainly shouldn’t.

My sister named her first baby after my mum and we love it. Now my niece is old enough, she loves hearing stories about and looking at pictures of the grandma she never met. She carries her name like a badge of honour and tells lots of people 'I have the same name as my grandma'.

If your partner is on board, I think it's a lovely thing to do. And if he's not overly keen on the name, you could use it as a middle name.