How do you know the difference between anxiety and true feelings?

[Gabs3]

Hi everyone
I am not sure if this is the right place to post this, sorry if it’s not.

I have found out that I am 6 weeks pregnant. It was planned although sooner than planned (didn’t think it would happen straightaway) and I am struggling massively with my thoughts.
It’s like I thought this was a good next step for me, stable relationship, own my house, financially secure. It’s like as soon as getting pregnant and having a child became a reality, I feel like I cannot cope.
My only thoughts so far are that I can’t do this, I don’t want it anymore, I don’t want my life to change, this isn’t for me, what on earth was I thinking etc. I’ve known for a little over a week and those thoughts have not shifted one bit. The only time I can function is if I manage to forget that it’s even happening. If I sit with my thoughts I will just cry, constantly, all day and just wish that this never happened so I can go back to normal.
I’m struggling to concentrate at work, I don’t want to do things I would normally enjoy and I can’t be bothered to do simple things like keep on top of my housework.
I do have a history of anxiety, I’ve was on Citalopram for about 10 years, only managed to come off them about 8 months ago. Since school age I struggled with panic attacks, not so much now. I am 30.

I don’t know what to do or who to turn to, whether to try counselling to try and understand what the F is going on!

Just to add, my fiancé is really happy and is really trying to support me, I’ve shared my thoughts and fears with him and he thinks it’s my anxiety and that it will settle, but I am struggling a lot with wondering if these thoughts will go away or if it’s just how I feel.

Any suggestions/help appreciated! :)

Sorry you're having trouble with this!

I came off escitalopram myself last year, and fell pregnant in February.

I would tend to think of anxiety as more like petrol than anything - it fuels the fire, but it doesn't start it.

I would say that the feelings you're having are very normal, especially amongst those who've fallen pregnant quickly. In fact, the greatest distress I've seen was by friends who've got pregnant quickly (which is a different beast to the grinding issues of infertility). For what it's worth, my husband is having those feelings now at 36 weeks!

I'd disagree with the PP actually - getting pregnant sooner than expected can be a shock and cause some worry, but being unable to function, crying all day etc. as a result of that isn't a normal response. Especially for a planned pregnancy.

I think the fact you are questioning whether your thoughts and reactions are 'normal' means they are probably not. Please reach out to your midwife who can hopefully refer you in the right direction.

I hope you get the answers you're looking for OP and manage to enjoy your pregnancy and ultimately new arrival x

Did you come off medication slowly and under the care of your GP? Have you had CBT or other therapy too?

@thecatsthecats thank you for your response. I definitely agree - anxiety fuels the fire for sure.
I have read a few things that say these feelings are normal, but I can’t help but think this can’t be normal. I also know that anxiety tends to make you think you are unique when you’re usually not!
I hope your pregnancy is going well!

@Juicyjuicymango thank you. I would agree with you - it’s what I keep saying to my partner but his response is that it’s all my anxiety and I need to stop thinking I’m unique and the only one that is struggling. But I genuinely don’t think this is normal. I’m so early I haven’t even had my first appointment yet, but I am hoping some support will help me - I am so embarrassed to say this out loud to anyone as they’d think I am crazy. do midwives deal with this sort of thing?!

@Wolfiefan yes, it took me months to come off and I’ve seen probably about 8 therapists over the years at various times. I know how to deal with my anxiety on a daily basis, but this is something else. A level of anxiety I have not experienced for a long time, and years ago it would be over something non-existent, like panic attacks in a certain room or something, not a life changing event like this!

Hi Hiii,

The spectrum of what is normal is so different between person to person, and for those of us who have suffered with anxiety prior to pregnancy, well we're also hyper alert for that fuel on the fire as someone else said.

I think it's ok to be anxious and scared - I certainly am. I have struggled with anxiety, and then had an MC earlier this year which was one of the loneliest experiences of my life. I'm now at 16 weeks, having got pregnant in the days prior to major knee surgery, so it's been an absolute rollercoaster of a 6 months.

It's possible for babies to be incredibly wanted, but also for us first time mums to be fearful of that life change, of who we are and who we will become, and coming to accept that life will change. Not for better, not for worse, but will be fundamentally different. If you like your life, as I know I do most of the time, I do have days where I just am worried and anxious about what's coming, and the path that i'm on. Some days it consumes me and I'm scared.

A friend of mine was similar, and I think we would both really suggest trying to speak to a counsellor, either through a charity or through your midwife/GP - just to give voice to some of what you're feeling and get the reassurance of advice without judgement from them. I know it's so hard, and you probably feel having been on medication that it might be a backwards step, but I think acknowledging it is one way to find some acceptance and also realise you are not alone in this.

I'm sending you all my love, and wishing you the best, however it pans out. You also deserve to have your feelings heard and not dismissed. Don't feel under pressure to be over the moon externally - this stuff is hard, then add hormones, add your body changing in a way that feels totally out of control, add a whole lot of mental load, and it's no surprise that some of us just find it a little hard to bear.

H x

@hdoh thank you so much for your really lovely response, reading it has really helped. Everything you said makes a lot of sense - I think I was always bound to experience a fairly high level of anxiety with something as big as this (and as someone that doesn’t like change!)
80% of the time since I found out I have struggled, but to be fair I have had a few good days where I have felt calm and content with just accepting the unknown and just gave myself a break!

Im really sorry to hear about your MC, it sounds like you’ve had a tough year. I hope you’re enjoying your pregnancy and are looking forward to what the future has to hold.

Thank you so much for wishes, I will definitely speak to my GP and ask for some help. 💜 x