Is it okay to feel resentful of partner not having to make physical sacrifices?

[laminaHK]

Probably a subjective question 😁
but even if it’s just to hear that I’m not alone with how I feel could help me to not feel so guilty!!

I feel like crap A LOT. Like I’m on a boat, feeling so tired, achey and my boobs hurt like hell.
Then on top of that, having to give up a small part of me, that really is insignificant in the grand scheme of things, sometimes I’m feeling incredibly resentful over.

Me and my partner were very sociable and liked to party. I pretty much gave up drinking and that lifestyle when we started trying for a baby. I packed in my casual vaping habit too. Which is no big deal and I’d trade all that forever for my baby.
But I’m finding myself feeling so resentful that my partner hasn’t had to give anything up and feels no affect of becoming pregnant.
I feel like my social life has taken a big hit, purely because my friends & I would often meet up for food & drinks. I couldn’t dare turn up to a restaurant and order a coke, they’d know immediately and I’m not ready to tell anyone yet. So I’m avoiding people…

My partner is amazing & supportive, but he still does everything he did before and obviously doesn’t feel the symptoms of growing a human…. He goes out maybe twice, three times a month. It’s not often! But when he does, I feel so jealous and down about it. I can’t work out if I’m jealous or if I’m upset that it feels quite lonely.
He’ll always ring me and check in asking how his ‘babies’ are, which I love. But he’ll be pretty drunk and tell me what a great time he’s having. I want him to have a great time! But it just feels like a real punch in the gut.

I feel guilty that I even have these thoughts because I’ve been blessed with a baby and I will be 8 weeks on Monday with my first foetal well-being scan.

Does anybody else feel this way too?
Do you ever chat about it with your partners and how do you go about it? Or should I just not even mention it!
Does it get a bit easier the further into pregnancy?

I 100% relate and feel that partners of pregnant women shouldn’t drink while they’re pregnant out of solidarity -esp if their partners are miserable or nauseous. I’d never say that aloud as it sounds controlling but that’s how I feel deep down. It’s the least they could do, right. Feels at best insensitive and at worst rude to party when your partner is hunkered down incubating like a friggin handmaiden.

I feel deeply resentful (not of my partner but men generally) that men don’t have to through pregnancy or Mat leave. I don’t miss the partying much but I feel two pregnancies followed by extended breastfeeding etc have held me back hugely at work. I’ve never expressed this to anyone but secretly feel really bitter! Don’t regret my children for a moment but I feel the disadvantages aren’t honestly discussed as much as they should be in the workplace!

Thanks a lot for sharing this, I know those opinions can feel wrong to have but I can totally relate to it.

My partner has worked his arse off and excelling in work right now, I’m mega proud. But I think this might be playing into all the jealous feelings I have, because I’ve always been very career driven & have a well paid job right now. It’s scary knowing I’ll be giving it up for a while, will I be able to go back, will it be the same, etc.
I’ve also always been very independant and self sufficient - scary to think I’ll be relying on somebody else’s income for a while! 😅

all part of the process isn’t it! Xx

Not sure why marriage is relevant @AlexaCanYouHearMe Many people I know go for civil partnerships nowadays rather than marriage since it became an option in 2020 and would refer to ‘partners’ more naturally. Or maybe she just has tonnes more money so it wouldn’t be advantageous to marry. Or maybe they are married and she does want to say ‘my husband’ as it sounds dated compared to partner! Or loads of other reasons!

Aw your DP sounds sweet! Yes, I think it helps to be grateful when you have an attentive and caring partner. My dad never did these things for my mum, which reminds me how lucky I am. And DH would never say but I'm sure having a pregnant, grouchy couch potato wife for the past couple months must be a bit of a shock to him and can't be easy lol. So I'm more than happy for him to see his friends once a week for some normality.