Broody at 41 - what would you do?

[rikkyc]

Really looking for some approval I think, more than anything. What would you do?

I have two girls, 8 and 5. I adore them. My eldest has ADHD which can be challenging. My husband and I tried for a 3rd, but it took a long time, and I suffered 2 miscarriages, we decided to stop trying. I then fell pregnant in July this year and the timing was awful, finances were a big worry, my daughters ADHD was at an all time high. I panicked, I decided to have a termination and I regret it a lot. My baby would have been due Feb 24. It was emotionally tough and my Doctor recommend the pill to prevent it happening again. I had some counselling too.

I cant stop thinking about another baby. Is this the guilt or the hormones? Will I regret not giving it one more go? I feel like I'm a good Mum, I can offer a lot but also struggle with burn out. Am I crazy to come off the pill and see what happens?
Also, I made the choice to terminate so I should live with my decision to stop at 2 children.

I would be 42 when I gave birth 3rd time (if successful) - people will think I'm too old. The age gap between my kids would be 9yrs and 6yrs. I stress about that too

Both thoughts seem so trivial written down but they whirl around my head all the time as reasons not to try again.

It probably is a mix of guilt and hormones. Did you get any counselling following the termination. It feels like you have a lot of regrets and I'd try to sort that out.
Your kids will be 9 and 6 which are lovely ages and you'll be able to go out for the day and take trips etc without all the chaos of the baby. You don't have massive childcare bills etc

My sister had similar age kids when I had mine. She'd always wanted a third .she looked after mine for the day and was like "I love her but I love being able to return her too." It's a lot to take on a new baby and change everything up. It's also likely to be a hard journey to get there. Are you ready for it.

But at the end of the day it's your decision. And only you can make it and if it's what you really want then to for it

All the reasons you had when you terminated are absolutely valid. Plus the risks with age such as miscarriage, Down syndrome, other behavioural or learning issues, premature births, pre eclampsia etc etc with "older" mothers. Not that it's guaranteed you will have problems of course, just that the chances of these rise when you are older.

That said, you have tried for a third child and experienced losses. That needs to be considered too. Was the termination a knee jerk reaction to the situation at the time?

For what it's worth, I don't think you will be "too old" to have another baby id that if what you want .

It's a throw of the dice isn't it. Maybe some counselling over the termination might help you?

You've already got 2 children, which is enough for anyone. One of them is challenging and you admit you suffer from burnout. In addition, there are far greater health risks all round and what's to say that life will be plain sailing from here on in. The same factors that led to the termination could just as easily happen again.

She did have counselling

All I would say is in these situations follow your heart. You will always find money when you need to. I had terminations when I was younger in my very early 20’s and found out later on in life I had significant fertility issues and I never got that time back. My life got away from me and I was left longing, regretting. I’m pregnant now and that regret and guilt has lifted after 15 years. Don’t let anyone tell you what’s right or wrong listen to what your heart is telling you xx

Thank you all. I appreciate the comments. I’m in a quandary, hence asking for different opinions. I’m not totally sure what my heart is telling me. 😕

I have been in a similar situation and knee jerk reaction to have a termination of a 3rd child. I regret it all the time. If I could go back in time I would keep the pregnancy. Easy to say now as like pp have said all the reasons are valid.

i am also in this limbo and tempted to try again but I have a lot of worries. I too have the thoughts that I had my chance but then I worry that I’m just punishing myself. I do feel like having another would heal some of the trauma.

I don’t have any answers but wanted to say you arent alone