Gender disappointment

[Kilminchy123]

Hey guys,

I have a beautiful little boy (21 months) who is my whole world. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday I am having a little girl. I was so shocked as I just felt that it was a boy (same as I did with my son) and was actually speechless that it was a girl.

I wouldn’t say disappointment is the correct word as such, but I do feel some guilt that my son won’t have a little boy to play with (not that it matters as I’m sure he will play with his sister) . He has three little girl cousins that he is extremely close to and I just feel bad for him that he is the only boy.

I am suffering with ante natal depression and have been feeling very unsure of the pregnancy in general even though it was planned. I have a lot of guilt towards my son anyway as I feel he will have his feathers ruffled and I don’t want him to think we are trying to replace him. For some reason, having a little girl has made this feeling worse as I KNOW I can love a little boy, but am scared I can’t love a little girl . I know it might sound silly but it’s just how I feel .

any kind thoughts please . Thank you

It's quite common to feel that way when you've convinced yourself you feel like your baby's sex is different to what it turns out to be. Your son is likely to be over the moon about being a big brother, especially as he is used to girls already. On my side of the family, I am the only girl and my daughter is the only girl on my DH's side of the family. Being the only boy/girl is absolutely fine. You may also worry if you'll have enough love in you for a second child. You will - it'll just bloom like another flower on a bush.

Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy.

Imo whichever you are told you are having your mind plays tricks and imagines the opposite mix up of dc! Congratulations op...

I have 2 boys close in age and then a girl my oldest (boy 14) and youngest (girl 10) get along the best and play together all the time. My 2 boys 18 months apart haven’t really got along for years. So you can’t really tell.

I have a boy then a girl. I felt a bit like this. I resented every pink outfit we were given! Much as I knew it was daft I was worried I would be a crap mum to a girl as I know nothing about make-up. It's embarrassing to write that down, it was so daft.

They are 5 and 7 now. Really close, play together brilliantly and love having a brother and a sister respectively.

We had a DD and then three years later our DS. They always played together and, now grown up, Are still very close. There is no guarantee that any two siblings are going to like each other and play together.

I honestly struggle to understand gender disappointment. There are so many people in this world who lose kids or cannot have them. As long as a baby is healthy, why does it matter.

@Jolewis87 if you read through my post you might see that I did say disappointment might not be the right word to describe how I had envisioned the future and how I am struggling with guilt. Although I empathise with people who struggle I can’t imagine how that might feel, I am also entitled to feel a certain way 👍

I gave birth to my daughter when my son was 22 months old. I worried about the same thing but honestly they are best buddies and play all the time. Your son will get interaction with other boys at school/family friends.

Op I had a similar feeling about being able to love them when I found out I was having a boy (I have 2 dds). Like I felt like I knew how to be a mum to girls (and I am a girl so know what it is to be a girl and can relate) and I didn't know what it was to be a mum to a boy or how to love a boy.. Like I didn't know if it would be different to loving a girl? But Ds is now 4 months and I adore him and it feels just the same as it did with my girls 😊

Exactly this. I've never understood why people think they'll have to be a different type of mother to a boy or a girl. I have one of each. The thought of parenting one sex differently never entered my head. I've treated them exactly the same in every way and they both seem to be doing alright!
The only thing that does influence my parenting is their personalities. They have completely opposite personalities and one child finds life a little more stressful than the other.
My girl is sporty, loud, sociable and confident. My son is quiet, sensitive and more of a home body. If someone has a preference for a particular sex because they imagine that sex has certain traits - well it's often not the case at all! My friend wanted a girl so she had someone to go shopping with and a boy so her husband had someone to play football with. Funny thing is her girl hates being dragged around the shops and her boy hates football.

It's very normal to feel like this. I did with my second (first was a boy and my everything) I wanted him to have a little brother to play with but then found out I was having a girl and selfishly I didn't want a girl. When she was born it passed, she fit right in and my little boy dotted on her. She will be 10 in November, and even to this day, I feel so guilty about how I felt, she has a sassy attitude but has the kindest heart - I am so glad I had a girl, she gives the best cuddles and is so much like me in many ways.

Enjoy your pregnancy and I'm sure baby will fit right into your family dynamic.

I could have wrote this myself. We haven’t had the gender confirmed yet but nub theory points to boy and it’s pretty undeniable! We already have a 21 month old girl and just expected this baby would be a girl too. Which I know is silly because there’s always a 50/50 chance. But I imagined our girl having a little sister, we know what we’re doing with girls. Plus we are a two mum family so a boy would be totally outnumbered, we have tons of girl clothes we could have reused.

I feel so guilty but my heart just sank when I realised we’re probably having a boy. Infact I did have a little cry about it. I know if we are when he comes along he will be so, so loved and we wont be able to imagine things any differently but atm I am struggling to wrap my head around it.

this baby is much wanted and we went through ivf to conceive so I feel even guiltier for having these feelings when I know how lucky I am to be pregnant in the first place.

Sending lots of love. I understand and it will pass. Being a girl mama is so amazing you’ll see 💗

I went through something like this for a bit. All my siblings all sisters and their children are girls and I love my nieces but I thought it would be nice to change things up a bit with a boy. But when I found it was a girl I chose to try to focus on all the things that would make having a girl fun that a boy most likely wouldn’t enjoy.

Like for instance I’m really into yoga and thought maybe when she’s bigger we can do that together! And it came true. She is three and we do yoga together. ☺️ Though she can only do simple poses right now of course.

I also thought about all the cute stuff she might like. I guess it helps that I’m really into nauseatingly cute stuff like unicorns, hello kitty and pusheen cat but I’m too embarrassed to indulge myself because I’m an adult but decided it might be fun to live a little vicariously through her when she was too young to talk.

But now she is very vocal about what she wants and I have yet to be disappointed though we don’t have the same taste at all! She’s really into these things called squishmellows and swimming which I am happy to indulge. Since she likes swimming I bought her a mermaid fin to swim in and she loves it.

I guess if you’re not into really girly cute stuff this post might not really help. But it might help to remind yourself that just like you not all girls are into girly stuff so maybe they might decide they hate barbie’s and the colour pink! That’s the great thing about kids is they are all very individual.

I hope my comment could be of some sort of comfort. Good luck OP!