Pregnant after we stopped trying…

[Poppy60]

Hi everyone
I am hoping for some advice on whether what I am feeling is normal :(

I got pregnant back in April and had a miscarriage at 6 weeks - I had 4 positive tests and mainly noticed my boobs were big and sore. I had a private scan after I had 2 bouts of bleeding and complete loss of any symptoms to see what was going on and they basically just said there was no sign of pregnancy. I took a strip test the morning after and it was negative so I have always been quite confused about what happened. It happened on my 30th birthday.
We tried again for 2 months but nothing happened. I was not happy in my job so we decided to put it on hold whilst I found a new job and also I just needed some time to feel like myself again after everything.

We have been careful since with condoms but I was late for my period this month and am pregnant. I have been in my new job not even a month, we were planning on putting trying on hold until the new year.
My job is great - it pays more than I ever have had before and I am actually excited about the future with work so selfishly, I feel like this has come at a really bad time for me. Life wise, we are stable financially and have loads of support around us as we made sure of that before we decided to try the first time.

my partner is really happy as he wants a baby so badly, but I just feel so angry at myself that I let this happen somehow because it’s not what I want right at this time.
I did the test on my own and considered not saying anything to my partner and having a termination without telling anyone, but I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do that behind his back, but I just panicked.
I now have thoughts that I wish I hadn’t said anything and had just got on and gone through with a termination and carried on as normal or that maybe I will miscarry again. I just feel awful for thinking this, and excitement is absolutely not something I feel at the moment, just anxiety and dread of having to tell my new job I immediately got pregnant the week that I started. I feel so incredibly selfish but those are my thoughts currently.

I don’t know what I am looking for with this, but I just feel very, very alone :(

I think quite a lot of women and men, have significant second thoughts when they discover they or their partner is pregnant. It's a real wake up call. Even when they have been trying to conceive.
Weigh up the pros and cons. It's very hard to get your head around a termination when you want a baby - but this is an option.
Equally, if you decide to proceed I am sure you will make it work. It might be a bit embarrassing telling your employer but if they're a decent company they will be ok about it.

Thank you, I appreciate your reply.

It definitely has been a wake up call. At this moment, I can’t say for sure that I do want a baby, but I am an extremely anxious person and have always battled with my thoughts.

Thanks again for your reply

This happens in workplaces all the time so I wouldn't worry. You'll not be entitled to as much mat pay etc but plenty of women return to work after 3-6 months

Thank you. Yeah I am assuming I’ll miss the 6 weeks at a 90%.
I will also likely return in that timeframe, but I suppose I won’t know until the time comes!
My workplace is 100% men apart from me so that makes me feel slightly uneasy when having to tell them.

Don't worry about telling work, as PP said, it happens all the time. No one will bat an eyelid.

Just on a practical note, take a look at your partners contract - skip past the paternity section and look at the Shared Parental Leave section. Lots of companies are paying men the same allowance as women, including mine. My partner had 5 months full pay for my first child, and now will get 3 months for the next one on full pay (different job). We split the leave.

What’s the issue with the job ? Is your probation period longer than 3 months ?