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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Partner + Drinking During Pregnancy

16 replies

PeachyGreen · 18/09/2023 12:04

Hi All,

Did you get to a point during your pregnancy when you asked your partner to slow down with drinking / nights out etc? My partner has been so supportive and really great, I couldn't fault him. He does like to have a drink with his friends which i've never denied him of doing as we enjoyed a drink before I fell pregnant and I wouldn't find it fair to ask him to stop completely just because I'm unable to.

I'm now 34 weeks pregnant, still working full time and I'm extremely tired as I'm not sleeping much. He has a few work events / social events coming up which will involve a couple of boozy nights and I've asked if he could now slow down a bit (couple of beers, nothing too crazy) but not sure if I'm being unfair as I still could have quite a while to go. This is probably coming from a selfish place as I'm not feeling great in myself at the moment - the lack of sleep and hormones are getting to me.

I'd like to know how others would respond to the situation and confirm whether or not I'm being totally unfair!?

OP posts:

Torganer · 18/09/2023 12:06

Personally I feel a couple of boozy nights is fine. Get them in whilst you can as they are few and far between in the newborn stage. When you’re up to having a night out, your husband can repay the favour - win win!!

Torganer · 18/09/2023 12:07

Also, do you have a spare room he can sleep in, that way you won’t get disturbed. Use the nights he’s out as a chance to get an early night.

StorminanDcup · 18/09/2023 12:08

totally understand by this point you’ll be knackered and a bit grumpy but it is unreasonable to put restrictions on his socialising purely because you’re grumpy and tired. You could have another 8 weeks and most likely you will have a good 5 or 6.

Unless there is a big back story that he’s out getting absolutely trashed and not coming home or being hungover and useless for 3 days after a bender? If it’s just that he enjoys a few beers with mates then I don’t see why you have to curtail that?

Understandable as you get into the final weeks that he needs to be available and sober but you can have that conversation when the time is right.

WaltzingWaters · 18/09/2023 12:10

I think it’s fine for him to have the odd boozy night out now. But I’d ask him to have very little to drink starting a couple weeks before due date.

HarpieDuJour · 18/09/2023 12:13

When I was pregnant, my husband gave up drinking without me even mentioning it. He said it didn't seem right not to, plus I had a history of miscarriage, so he wanted to be sober in case there was some sort of emergency.

I hadn't expected it of him, but it felt good that he was so considerate and supportive. As it turned out, neither of us have really drunk heavily since then, and our first child is now nearly 22!

hdbs17 · 18/09/2023 12:15

DH May go to the pub on a Friday after work, but is usually home by 6/6:30 so that doesn't bother me.

I'm 36 weeks, baby is engaged and I'm opting for elective section which hopefully will be in 2-3 weeks time.

The only thing I've asked DH not to do, is go to anymore football away matches or weekends away following football - purely so he isn't too far in case baby does come early.
Home games are fine as he can get home within an hour.

He doesn't go out too much anyway but I would get slightly annoyed if he did and kept waking me up by him coming home so I think on that basis, it's not unreasonable to ask him to cut back on the late nights.

GingerIsBest · 18/09/2023 12:20

what is your reason for not wanting him to drink?

Is it because you can't go with him and you feel lonely at home - that seems reasonable to me and if you're used to being together a lot, fair enough and perhaps a compromise can be found.

Is it because he wakes you up/ you sleep badly with the boozy man in bed with you? Again, fair enough and the alternative is for him to sleep elsewhere on those nights.

If it's just because you can't then no, it's not reasonable and frankly quite selfish.

Of course, as you get closer to your due date, it's fair to ask him to consider that he might need to get you to the hospital at relatively short notice so obviously big nights out/ long distances are less of an option.

Original poster

PeachyGreen · 18/09/2023 12:40

Thank you all for your answers. My main reason for asking him to cut back slightly is because he still can't seem to handle his booze - so a night out will (most times) result in coming in loudly, throwing up all over the bathroom, making the bedroom smell etc. I have no problem with spending time alone or doing something else whilst he's out and about and by no means would want him to stop because i'm not able to - if that was the case I would've asked for that at the beginning of the pregnancy! It's the aftermath I can't really be bothered with at the moment. He has been a bit better recently and slightly more considerate but I do struggle with the really drunken behaviour when I'm stone cold sober, tired and irritable 😋

OP posts:

GingerIsBest · 18/09/2023 13:02

I'd say the thing that you need to be stopping is him being inconsiderate - making a noise, smell etc late at night when you need sleep. The fact that it's linked to booze is almost a side point.

So, perhaps he has to sleep elsewhere and (if possible) use a different bathroom when he's been drinking. And clean up after himself.

Having said that, I'd be quite concerned about someone who is drinking so much that they regularly are largely unable to function, vomiting etc - that's not great in a 20 something single person but it's really really bad in a grown adult who is about to have a baby. Trust me, him coming in drunk at 2 am, waking you and the baby up is NOT going to be something you'l be happy with in a few months.

Original poster

PeachyGreen · 18/09/2023 14:24

@GingerIsBest agreed. Which is really how he has been recently - going out for 1 or 2 rather than getting in a bad state. I wanted to make sure I wasnt being unfair by telling him to wind it in - but now I suppose you understand why I've asked him to do so

OP posts:

noaddedsugarx · 18/09/2023 14:25

Oh no! that's vile.. whether I was pregnant or not I could not deal with a grown adult coming home and puking everywhere/stinking out the bathroom. It's really childish behaviour and if he can't handle his drink I think you're well within your rights to ask he sticks to a couple.

PinkRoses1245 · 18/09/2023 14:35

The going out and having a few - fine. The throwing up, no. That sounds like he is really having a serious binge. Does it concern you he can't seem to be able to just have a few drinks in a night, and not be that unwell?

Original poster

PeachyGreen · 18/09/2023 14:50

@PinkRoses1245 it does.. a lot. It's a greed thing which doesn't happen too often but on a 'bigger' night out it will and I've started to get a bit fed up. I wouldn't have mentioned anything at all if he could stick to having a couple. The last few times he has been out he has been more sensible - 2/3 beers and not in a state so maybe he is starting to show a bit of empathy towards the end of my pregnancy. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unfair / controlling or stopping him from having his fun before the baby gets here. I've painted him out to be a bit of a sloppy binge drinker but he is great with everything else. Hopefully I can pay him back with a sicky drunken night when the baby arrives (joking).

OP posts:

thecatsthecats · 18/09/2023 17:24

If it's just because you can't then no, it's not reasonable and frankly quite selfish.

I never get this as a perspective, and to be clear, I'm not asking my husband not to drink or go out myself - nor is OP.

But a woman in a hetero relationship has no choice but to be the one carrying the baby and all the shit that goes with that for nine months. It might be selfish to want your partner to limit himself, but it's considerably less so than expecting your female partner to feel like shit, vulnerable and alone as she's approaching an unsettling and difficult time.

I'm 34 weeks myself, and I don't like my husband having more than a few drinks, because he's my best friend and I don't get to muck around having drinks with him. Everyone had a few drinks at dinner yesterday and by the end I felt down and dull. They get to toast and laugh and be excited about the baby - I get to sit there in an increasingly uncomfortable chair getting kicked to ribbons whilst they get merry.

Selfish? Yeah, I'll own it. But my husband also owns the fact that I'm stuck with this baby 24/7 until it's born, and is happy to indulge my wish not to be alone in that.

Wolfiefan · 18/09/2023 17:27

He needs to stop drinking to such excess. If that means he doesn’t drink at all then so be it. You don’t want your child growing up thinking this is normal behaviour.

FlyingHighFlyingLow · 18/09/2023 18:39

Not unreasonable if it's a 'don't come in in a complete state and disrurb me' reasoning.

My DH works away sometimes and will be doing so until 35 weeks. I've not asked him not to drink but I've had a lot of complications and he, of his own volition, did stop drinking completely when I had a few small antepartum haemorrhages close together so he was always capable of driving. Even when he does drink he doesn't tend to get very drunk and is always very considerate not to distrub me. He doesn't go out regularly so when the opportunity arises I encourage him to go.

I'm now 30 weeks and he did ask me a couple of weeks ago at what point I wanted him not to drink. I said ideally I'd like him to be capable of driving if needs be from 37 weeks, but equally its a 5 week window, so as long as I'm not showing signs of labour I'm happy for him to drink but restrict it to 2 so he wouldn't be useless if I did have to go in unexpectedly (there are always taxis as we live city centre less than 10 mins from hospital).

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