Pregnancy regret

[Abee89]

Hello,

I just want to start of by saying I am Terribly
sorry to anyone this offends - I understand how incredibly lucky it is to get pregnant I was told around 2 years ago I would probably not be able to get pregnant naturally. For the past two years on my New Year’s Eve wish list I have wrote baby.

10 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, my initial reactions were shocked and happy even though I had found out 3 days before my partner was having an affair.

fast forward a few weeks and I started feeling incredibly anxious about the whole thing being pregnant, giving birth, becoming a mum. I think this then led to a bit of depression. Even though I have suffered with anxiety and depression in the past it wasn’t to this extent, I’ve been waking up anxious.

I felt so confused because I thought I would just be happy I was told I couldn’t get pregnant now I was, but I think all I’ve mostly felt lately is dread, I don’t really feel any bond to the baby. I have been to see a psychiatrist and they said I’m suffering from perinatal depression and want to start
me on sertraline, I am really worried about the side effects as I know it can make you worse at first at I don’t know how I’d cope with feeling worse than I do. I’m also seeing a counsellor.

basically I guess I’m here to see if anyone felt anything similar while pregnant and it worked out ok. I’m so worried because of how I feel that I won’t love the baby when they come and I’m finding it hard to accept that anxiety/depression can really change how I feel and maybe this is just how I feel

thank you in advance for any words of advice

I had this 100% and that baby is going to be 5 soon. Although I was stupid (unlike you) and didn’t ask for any help at any point which then lead me down the road of PND afterwards. I fully bonded sometime between 12 and 18 months although it was very gradual.

It does definitely gets better and I have realised since having a second just how powerful hormones are in shaping your mental state.

You have had a really stressful time which also won’t have helped with your feelings overall. There is nothing wrong with feeling ambivalent about pregnancy or babies because both are fucking harder. I guess the question is do you feel you want to be a parent?

Having bad feelings or depression won’t make you a bad parent in any way.

Hi OP,

so sorry you are feeling this way. I can identify completely and I do truly understand how hard it is. I felt all these things when pregnant with my son 2 years ago, the dread, the anxiety, the constant feeling I had messed up and made a major mistake. Everything seemed like a dark cloud covered it. TW (wishing away the pregnancy also) . It’s so so difficult. I didn’t want my son to come.

I was also prescribed Sertraline as I also was diagnosed with Perinatal OCD and depression. I chose not to take it and I think it was due to my anxiety at the time.

all I can say is - once my son was born, within 2 days (the first day amplified my fears) everything disappeared in terms of dread, etc. I fell madly in love with my son and I was okay. In it’s place anxiety heightened and I was terrified of SIDS, couldn’t sleep etc etc, OCD heightened and nowhere was clean/disinfected enough etc. But it all eased out and I adjusted and every thing was more than okay.

I completely understand as I am now 16 weeks pregnant with a much wanted pregnancy and feel EXACTLY the same again - am I ruining my sons life, why didn’t I wait and have more years with my son just us two, again wishing away the pregnancy after trying so hard to conceive, wishing away the pregnancy, Really struggling to look after myself and am phoning my GP tomorrow and will ask for Sertraline.

hope you are okay I really feel for you x

its completely normal with pregnancy your hormones are all over the place, I was a raging nightmare during my first pregnancy stressing about everything taking it out on my husband.

im having a second baby now and feel so much guilt about how my son will take to her etc and how hard two will be and change my daily life / things I want to do etc. it took us a while to conceive 2nd time around and it was all I could think about for a while and now it’s happened I’ve found I’ve been quite secretive not telling that many people and hiding my bump in baggy clothes

Also you’ve already been through a lot you’re having to deal with which must be difficult when it comes to also being pregnant - when the baby is here you’ll have the bond you’re saying you don’t have now

if you need the medication and the docs say it’s safe I bet it would help xxx

I just want to say never apologize for how you feel until someone has been where you are they can't understand how hard it is.
I felt the same with my firstborn born he's now 13 but right up until I held him after birth I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing, I would suggest speaking with your GP about how you feel most people don't realize you can have baby blues while pregnant.

I wish you the best of luck for the future with whatever you decide.

Pregnant with baby number 3, all of them planned and with all of them had the creeping sense of dread probably into 2nd trimester so to a certain extent it's normal. But you're doing the right thing talking to your dr or midwife about how you're feeling

No words of advice, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. It took 8 years for us to conceive, although we gave up on the idea a few years ago. We had decided against IVF and moved on with our lives. Then I found out I was pregnant earlier this year. You think I'd have been ecstatic, but I wasn't. Then I've had HG and I high risk screening. I'm hoping once I can feel the baby move I will feel more of a bond.

Please take the meds. The doctors are there to weigh up the risks. I've been on numerous meds for the HG so I do understand the worrying but we have to trust in the professionals.

What is the situation with your partner? Do you have a good support network?

There's a good possibility that many of your feelings could be related to your relationship with baby's dad, rather than baby itself. You didn't plan for it to happen this way after all.

What's the situation with him at the moment?

Hi @Panda368 thank you so much for replying. I guess that’s what is confusing me so much. Prior to being pregnant I really wanted a child. Since being pregnant I’ve just got more and more down to the point I’m questioning If I do or should be a parent 😢

Hi @Kilminchy123 thank you so much for replying, and sorry you went through it. The only times I feel ok is when I’m distracting myself from the fact I’m pregnant 😥 it makes me feel so guilty and scared. Good luck with the sertraline