Health Visitor - before birth visit

hdbs17 · 2023-09-14T13:54:22+00:00

Does anyone know if you can decline this? I didn't have it with my first and I'm a bit perplexed about getting the letter for it with my second. The letter says that they want to discuss things like my feelings towards the baby, and my labour etc and would like both me and DH to be home for an hour. That's not feasible. Both our remaining annual leave it already arranged, his for time off when the baby is here and mine as an accruement which I'm saving for the end of maternity leave. We can't be home for it - we'll be at work. I also just don't want to talk to someone about my feelings. I see a consultant every 2-4 weeks and my elective section is planned, which I'm excited about. Does it raise flags to say you don't want to see the health visitor because it's a waste of time? I really see no benefit to me in this visit.

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KeepSmiling89 · 14/09/2023 14:56

I've never heard of a before birth visit...surely everything you've mentioned would be discussed with your midwife and/or consultant.

Anything before birth was covered by my midwife until 2 weeks (I think) after birth when I was transferred to the health visitor. No contact from health visitor when I was pregnant.

Sagittarius25 · 14/09/2023 14:59

We've recently had contact with health visitor (baby oct) we were given baby's red book. Health visitor explained transition midwives to them that would happen, screened for any financial or housing problems etc, asked how pregnancy had been etc. it was basically an intro but was recorded in the red book as first appointment.

I think every area runs differently but maybe just speak to them and explain you don't feel the need/want for the appointment and if there is anything you would have been given?

Original poster

hdbs17 · 14/09/2023 15:00

KeepSmiling89 · 14/09/2023 14:56

I've never heard of a before birth visit...surely everything you've mentioned would be discussed with your midwife and/or consultant.

Anything before birth was covered by my midwife until 2 weeks (I think) after birth when I was transferred to the health visitor. No contact from health visitor when I was pregnant.

I hadn't either until I received the letter! It confused me as if maybe expect it for a first baby, not for a second!

OP posts:

Original poster

hdbs17 · 14/09/2023 15:01

Sagittarius25 · 14/09/2023 14:59

We've recently had contact with health visitor (baby oct) we were given baby's red book. Health visitor explained transition midwives to them that would happen, screened for any financial or housing problems etc, asked how pregnancy had been etc. it was basically an intro but was recorded in the red book as first appointment.

I think every area runs differently but maybe just speak to them and explain you don't feel the need/want for the appointment and if there is anything you would have been given?

I didn't receive the red book until the after-birth visit with DS1, and he was 10 weeks old!

I can't say I've ever heard of them giving the red book out prior to baby being born but there's no mention of that in the letter, it just mentions talking about my feelings!

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elliejjtiny · 14/09/2023 15:02

I had this with my 4th. It wasn't a thing when my older 3 were born and although I had an appointment booked for my 5th baby, he was born the week before so I didn't have it in the end.

DragonFly98 · 14/09/2023 15:04

Of you can refuse I declined a hv all together.

ReluctantFishLady · 14/09/2023 15:05

You can decline any health visitor appointment, just give them a call to cancel and say you won't have time or don't need an appointment right now.

You can get the red book from your midwife.

WonkyBricks · 14/09/2023 15:05

I declined mine as we were moving house and she turned up anyway, she did recognise me from my first pregnancy so was happy that all was ok. I didn't let her in as house was a state. I genuinely think the message hadn't been passed to her from the office though. Was nice to see her again post birth in our new house!

KY2021 · 14/09/2023 15:27

I withdrew with my 1st (they were useless!) and was told I wouldn't hear from them til after birth with my 2nd which has been right so far and I'm due any day but I'll be withdrawing again.

redteapot · 14/09/2023 15:31

I had a telephone appointment with the HV yesterday (36 weeks pregnant with second baby). I never had it with my first. The letter said it would take 30-45 minutes but it was only 20 minutes. Perhaps ask if they could do a phone appointment if you don't want to decline it? (Although I'm sure it's fine to decline if you'd prefer)

DuploTrain · 14/09/2023 15:31

Yes you can decline. Maybe say you could accommodate a phonecall instead?

It will be things like safe sleeping advice.

They also give advice about putting the baby down and walking away if the crying is getting too much (basically don’t shake the baby).

Will advise you that you can have a 6 week postnatal check with your GP.

woodyscowboyhat · 14/09/2023 15:34

I had this with my first, can't remember much about it other than it was a waste of time. I'm sure you can decline the health visitor.

RosesAndHellebores · 14/09/2023 15:43

This didn't exist when my first was born. I wish it had. It would have given me an early opportunity to decline a crap and condescending service before I was more vulnerable and sore. Untold damage was done by the insensitive idiot's approach when the baby was 12 days old. I formally declined ever to deal with another hv after the 2nd visit. The utter twit told me to deal with excruciating breast pain arising from infective mastitis by wrapping myself in a blanket and sitting by the fire and absolutely reinforced the importance of continued breastfeeding. I found out later she was 23.

Had I been aware of the sort of twits they sent out I'd have paid for alternative advice.

Clefable · 14/09/2023 15:52

That would have been a hard pass from me. I was working till right up to my section with DD2 as was DH. Also I don't want to speak to a stranger about how I feel about a baby who isn't even here yet. It would have been so forced and uncomfortable.

Maybe just thank them for offering, say you are still working and won't have any time for an appointment pre-birth but you look forward (unlikely) to seeing them once the baby arrives.

Maiyakat · 14/09/2023 16:02

Just contact them and say you can't due to work, you'll phone them if you have any questions and you'll see them after baby is born. The health visitor will probably be glad to cross it off her to do list!

Original poster

hdbs17 · 14/09/2023 16:25

Clefable · 14/09/2023 15:52

That would have been a hard pass from me. I was working till right up to my section with DD2 as was DH. Also I don't want to speak to a stranger about how I feel about a baby who isn't even here yet. It would have been so forced and uncomfortable.

Maybe just thank them for offering, say you are still working and won't have any time for an appointment pre-birth but you look forward (unlikely) to seeing them once the baby arrives.

This is exactly how I feel about it. It just feels unnecessary for me!

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Robotalkingrubbish · 14/09/2023 16:31

It is a thing! The HV has an opportunity to introduce themselves and to meet you. They can also give you contact details, local information and clinics etc. You can decline the visit and you can decline their services. They are so overworked they would be delighted to cross you off.

Original poster

hdbs17 · 14/09/2023 16:35

Thanks everyone!

I have called them up to decline the visit but also declined their services completely (which they offered) as I found them next to useless last time around!

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SleepingStandingUp · 14/09/2023 16:36

Just call them, tell them you don't have time to schedule such a visit but you're happy, supported and will see them after he birth

YukoandHiro · 14/09/2023 16:38

Did you have PPD/A last time? If so that will be on their records and you qualify for this extra support - which is a good thing.
Can you really not fit in? Declining is a red flag, that might mean they hint towards more potential involvement which it sounds like you don't want

tealfox · 14/09/2023 16:44

RosesAndHellebores · 14/09/2023 15:43

This didn't exist when my first was born. I wish it had. It would have given me an early opportunity to decline a crap and condescending service before I was more vulnerable and sore. Untold damage was done by the insensitive idiot's approach when the baby was 12 days old. I formally declined ever to deal with another hv after the 2nd visit. The utter twit told me to deal with excruciating breast pain arising from infective mastitis by wrapping myself in a blanket and sitting by the fire and absolutely reinforced the importance of continued breastfeeding. I found out later she was 23.

Had I been aware of the sort of twits they sent out I'd have paid for alternative advice.

i don't think she would be 23 unless she was a student. you have to be a qualified nurse (earliest you can start is age 18) which takes at least 3 years, The SCPHN course is a year and you are unlikely to be accepted onto that with just one years post graduate experience unless they were an exceptionally gifted candidate.
sorry you had a poor experience though. many health visitors do amazing work and make a massive difference to the lives and outcomes for children.

DragonFly98 · 14/09/2023 16:44

YukoandHiro · 14/09/2023 16:38

Did you have PPD/A last time? If so that will be on their records and you qualify for this extra support - which is a good thing.
Can you really not fit in? Declining is a red flag, that might mean they hint towards more potential involvement which it sounds like you don't want

What a load of rubbish it's not a red flag at all.

Original poster

hdbs17 · 14/09/2023 17:06

YukoandHiro · 14/09/2023 16:38

Did you have PPD/A last time? If so that will be on their records and you qualify for this extra support - which is a good thing.
Can you really not fit in? Declining is a red flag, that might mean they hint towards more potential involvement which it sounds like you don't want

I didn't have PPD last time no.

I have now declined their services entirely which they did ask if I wanted.

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Clefable · 14/09/2023 17:07

Ooh bonus!

RosesAndHellebores · 14/09/2023 18:24

@tealfox she was 23. I triangulated it because interestingly she applied for a job where I work about five years ago. This was 1995 so perhaps the timelines have changed. It was bizarre.