T/W - Pregnant 1 Year Since Missed M/C

[laminaHK]

Hello everyone!

Please be aware of the potential trigger warning, as I don’t want to add to anybody’s potential anxiety.

I’m almost positive a lot of people will have gone through the same situation I’m in, so I’m really hopeful people could share some words of advice / comfort.

Last year I had a missed miscarriage. I only found out at 13 weeks at the first dating scan - which was something we had been so excited for.
We waited until I was 12 weeks before we told friends / family the news, as I knew the first trimester held some risk of miscarrying and 12 weeks was usually the point to share the news.
I had NO signs something was wrong. I had morning sickness & a small bump growing. I never had any pains or spotting. I was taking all my vitamins / supplements, living / eating a healthy. balanced lifestyle and diet. As far as we were aware, everything was fine.

To be so blindsided in finding out that our baby had passed away a few weeks before was an indescribable pain. I also felt a lot of guilt and confusion. My body still thought it was pregnant.

It took a lot for us to move on from.

1 year on, I’m delighted to say that we are now expecting again 🥰 We waited around 8 months before trying to conceive again.

However this time, I am riddled with anxiety and constant fear. It’s something I cannot get over or stop thinking about.
There is nothing I can do (other than take supplements, eat a healthy balanced diet, no smoking, alcohol, caffeine, etc) that can avoid a potential M/C again. I really looked after myself the first time around and I am so scared to go through what we went through again.
I’m struggling to enjoy any part of it, even though I know stress will not help my baby.

We have booked to get an early 8 week well-being scan, for peace of mind.
But I constantly feel like I am just waiting to hit that date and see the baby; I’m not enjoying myself or living in the moment.

Is there anybody else who has gone through something similar who can offer some advice or comfort? Did you end up having a healthy baby the second time around? What can I do to help feel better about things?

Thank you so much in advance and I hope this hasn’t made any first time expecting mothers feel concerned. Xx

@laminaHK I don’t have experience of a missed miscarriage but have fallen pregnant after an early miscarriage and tbh the only advice I can give is that it probably is going to be difficult until you pass the 12 week scan milestone and not to be too hard on yourself for being worried or anxious. I found booking a few extra scans like 7 week, 9.5 week, 12 week and 16 week meant that each time I saw baby it felt like a milestone and added some reassurance

Thank you ❤
I’ve booked an 8 week scan in so I guess I just need to relax until then! X

I'm in your shoes now Hun. Here mostly for a hand hold and to let you know you aren't alone. I had a missed miscarriage in January, found out at 13+5 that baby had died at 10+6. I had a private scan at 10+5 confirming a healthy baby with heart eat and lots of movement. So unfortunately even a scan won't comfort me! I had an early scan confirming a heartbeat at 6 weeks.

Like you, my body thought it was pregnant still, I ended up miscarrying at 14 weeks but I had a bump, enlarged breast, fatigue, morning sickness, headaches, the works. So I completely understand the worry of it not mattering if you feel pregnant because who knows whats going on in there!!

With my mmc I did everything by the books, did everything right. I started this pregnancy the same and thought fuck it (excuse my language) I still 'follow the rules' but I'm actually more relaxed now. I'm aware that I cannot control this, what will be will be. I can only hope for the best and remember the worst can happen. I'm currently 9+5 so not far from when my last baby died. I was going to do a private scan but honestly the anxiety of a scan is ridiculous for me, so I'm waiting until my NHS 12 weeks scan and if that is successful... maybe I may begin to breathe a little.

I remind myself daily, that the chances of a missed miscarriage are very low and yes, I was unlucky enough to experience one, but the likelihood of experiencing to consecutive MMC is so low! I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise and I am grateful and enjoying however long I have with my baby.

I hope you can do the same too! I have everything crossed for you and wish for a healthy pregnancy and that you never experience pain like that again x

I totally get how you feel. I fell pregnant this year very shortly after a miscarriage and the anxiety for this pregnancy is through the roof. I've had my 12 week scan and NIPT and I still can't shake this feeling that the baby's heart might stop anytime. I would advise you to book early scan but to do it at a good place not those cheap private scan places. And I would advise to do the first one towards the end of week 8. I realised from my own experience and reading other people's accounts that week 8 is a huge milestone. I had my first scan this time at 8 weeks, then 10 weeks (all at EPU due to anxiety) and then 11 weeks for NIPT and finally 12 weeks. I even got a doppler from 9 weeks which can be a double edged sword as it can be very hard to find the baby so could add to your anxiety.
To be honest I won't feel more relaxed until I pass the 20 week scan. Miscarriage is a traumatic experience and leave bad scars. I wish you well with this pregnancy and hope you get your rainbow baby.

Sorry to hear what you’ve gone through :( I just wanted to comment because I’m going through a similar thing. I lost my first ever baby last year at just under 24 weeks I think I’ll be forever traumatised by it as it was completely unexpected. I’m now 19 weeks pregnant and although it’s hard, really hard I just keep taking it day by day. I hope when I get passed that 24 week mark I’ll feel a lot less anxious but honestly I think I’ll be anxious until they’re here safely. I just keep thinking that I have to go through this if we want our family which I do, I’m desperate to be a mother. Just wanted to say that you can go through a late loss and be pregnant again and get to this point. Make sure you get perinatal help if you need it. I got diagnosed with ptsd a few weeks ago by them and they’re arranging anxiety management for me but god knows when it’ll start 🤷🏻‍♀️ sending you all my love ❤️

Hi LaminaHK,

I went through the exact same thing. I didn't even know a missed mc was a thing and the shock of finding out that it had happened stayed with me a while.

I conceived again quite soon after but I had this issue where I felt like my brain and body were out of sync and I couldn't trust either of them! To be honest I struggled a lot with anxiety all the way through my subsequent pregnancy. My baby is now 14 months old and I have more or less completely moved past it. Probably when he was around 6 months things really improved. I dealt with it by talking to people, my work were amazing, was also referred by a midwife to the perinatal team by a in my area who were so good and I always had someone I could talk to.

I think taking it one day at a time is good advice and not to forget that you've had to deal with a big shock as well as a devastating loss. Hope you can get support if you feel you need it.

I really wish you all the best with your pregnancy xxx

Meant to add, early reassurance scans did help a bit, think I had one at 7 and 10 weeks before my 12 week nhs one x

Bless you OP. Been through miscarriage myself and whilst the experience tainted every early pregnancy for me, the odds are very much in your favour. Always a good idea to get an early scan though, in many countries this is done as standard at 6-8 weeks. Good luck, you will relax as time goes on.

Oh first of all you have my sympathies and my congratulations. I know how hard it is. I lost a baby last year, it was a missed miscarriage like yours, the baby was estimated around 12 weeks but I was 18 weeks gone so it went undetected for a long time Horrible times. I had sex literally once 10 weeks later and fell pregnant straight away, without realising then decided I wasn't ready and started using protection but it was too late. The two pregnancies sort of merged into one as there was no break and my mental health tanked. I didn't enjoy a second of my next pregnancy because I just felt like there was no way there would be a good outcome and I struggled to bond. I never announced the next pregnancy, didn't tell anyone apart from a handful of people, because I didn't want to untell people again. I didn't buy a single thing. I just tried to ignore it really. I'm currently snuggled up with my gorgeous 8 month old however. He's perfect and I can't imagine it not being him. I am sad about what happened and always will be, and I won't even pretend I enjoyed a second of my pregnancy with him. But it was meant to be him. He was meant to be here.

Good luck. Don't feel guilty if all you can do is survive. I feared bonding would be an issue after such a detached pregnancy but actually it was totally overwhelming how much he meant the second I laid eyes on him.

Hi everyone

Thanks so much for your words of advice, support & sharing your own experiences.
It weirdly brings me a feeling of comfort knowing I’m not alone, even though it’s such an awful thing I wouldn’t want anybody to have gone through.

I really appreciate it ❤️ it’s also great to hear that some of you have gone on to have healthy, happy babies 🥰

I’m 5 weeks + 4 days today. I stared feeling a bit queasy over the last couple of days & my boobs feel tender. Nothing else yet! I’m trying really hard to take the advice of what will be, will be. I cannot control it and have to let life play out how it’s intended to. I’m manifesting that this time is going to be different though ☺️

Thank you again xxxx

I had a mmc. Three months later conceived again, it was a successful pregnancy and I have a 5 month old baby. I don’t think that anxiety will go for a while, mine didn’t. I kept looking to the next appointment or scan as mini goals for reassurance. I had an early scan at 9 weeks to help, like you are planning. I was still anxious at the 13 week scan. After 22 weeks I could feel movement in the evenings and I felt more reassured then.

Good luck and I hope it’s positive this time for you. I know quite a few people who had a miscarriage or mmc and then a successful pregnancy.

Try not to read into symptoms too much. I really didn't have any and trust me, I looked very hard for them...