Feeling so judged at work

[Leerose2015]

Hi there,

I'm hoping for some advice pretty please as I'm really struggling with something atm & I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it as it's making me feel really low & fed up 😔

Basically, in a nutshell, I'm 27 weeks pregnant with my second child (I already have an 8 year old daughter 👧🏽), I work full time & my job is really 'on the go' i.e. I have to attend between 6 & 18 appointments per day, so I'm very much on my feet & in a high pressured environment.

It's just me & one other work colleague in the office (my boss - she is also pregnant with her first child - she's 17 weeks), and although on the face of it we get on well, I'm really struggling as I've had such a difficult pregnancy so far, and she's had the absolute dream pregnancy, so although she is very moody anyway, she keeps making snide comments at me all the time like 'oh, there's always something wrong with you during this pregnancy' or 'gosh, you're such a drama queen, or 'oh god, this could only happen to you' 😓

The constant snide comments are really effecting me & making me feel pretty low, as I really have been very poorly with this pregnancy and I'm doing my very best to carry on as normal 😰

The branch appointments are meant to be shared evenly but I do every single appointment & she doesn't have to leave the office all day, and I'm really finding it's taking its toll 😥

When I told my directors that I'm pregnant, they never acknowledged my pregnancy, not once, nor have they done any risk assessment or asked me a single thing about the pregnancy, they've not even been out to see me 😕

I'm being made to feel like such a burden & it's really taking it's toll as I work so hard 😥

My first pregnancy with my daughter was really easy, and I'm really genuinely pleased my colleague is having such a great experience with her first baby, but unfortunately it's a very different story for me this time round & the constant comments & moods are really getting to me as I'm really not good with confrontation & I get crippling anxiety even at the thought of having to bite back & retaliate 😥

Any advice would be greatly appreciated 🙏

Thank you 😊 xx

So sorry that you’re dealing with this, it’s not what you need from your boss regardless of whether she is pregnant or not.

Is there an HR department that you can reach out to? Alternatively I would reach out to your directors again and follow it up. They should have legally acknowledged your pregnancy. This might give you the opener to discuss a more reasonable share in the duties.

I know you don’t want to bite back and tbh that’s probably for the best, but is it worth you having a private conversation with your boss to let her know that her comments aren’t helpful and are taking its toll? That could be a good first step. I know you mentioned confrontation gives you anxiety but not doing so is also making you feel bad. Perhaps even bring up the share in duties there too. Alternatively, perhaps stop sharing with your boss and leave it on a need to know basis and keep it vague?

Not sure whether this is a viable option or not, but have you looked into going off sick if any of the above doesn’t work out? May have to be mindful of how this would affect your maternity pay (if at all) and whether you get paid being off sick so financially doable.

Hope you manage to get it resolved x

Hi there OP, sorry you're dealing with this. You might find it helpful to seek advice from Working Families.

Thank you so much for your kind replies 🙏

Unfortunately, the way the company is structured means we don't have an HR department, as we are franchised, so there's no one I can really go too other than the two people mentioned... one who's delivering the daily hurtful comments or the one who so far hasn't acknowledged my pregnancy, it's a really tricky situation... I guess I may just need to 'put up & shut up' until I go off on maternity leave, I just feel so sad that it's making me feel so deflated & fed up when I really do work so hard for the company 😥

I'm not a difficult employee but I have had to have some time off under strict doctors orders when I was going through the worst phase of my pregnancy, the total time time off equates to approx 2.5 weeks over 3 separate occasions, two of which I was hospitalised for 🤒

My bosses moods & random outbursts are somewhat a force to be reckoned with, and if she's in a bad mood for whatever reason then I very much bare the brunt of it, which certainly has a nock on effect on my day 😰