Is there something wrong with me ?

[saymynamesaymy]

I am pregnant with my 3rd baby, 17 weeks today. I have an 11 month old dd. She was a surprise after years of infertility treatment, ivf, miscarriage, she just happened naturally !
That pregnancy I was a total wreck, anxious from the very start terrified I was going to lose her, my ocd was out of control too, I had to go onto sertraline eventually. I had unexplained bleeding throughout, gestational diabetes, reduced movements. Lots of extra scans, it was just a lot. I now find myself pregnant again so soon after, again a surprise.

But this time it's like I feel almost nothing ? Like I even forget I am pregnant, I have no anxiety at all, no worries, I'm so relaxed I might aswell be lying down. I feel like there is something wrong with me, like I don't love this baby. I am on sertraline this time and have been from the beginning, I don't know if this is making a difference?
I feel awful feeling this way like there is no connection there!!
Has anyone else ever had something similar?

There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s no need to be anxious just because you’re not anxious! I found it hard to believe I was even pregnant because I had no symptoms until I had a scan at 17 weeks. I just got on with my life as per normal. And that’s without adding an 11 month old actual baby into the mix!

There’s nothing wrong with you at all. I myself was/am experiencing this. I have ptsd after an unexpected stillbirth last year, I believe I’m not fully fully connected and invested as a defence mechanism, protecting yourself incase anything bad happens. I have found that as it’s gone on (now 19 weeks) it’s getting a bit better like I’m talking about the future with them and stuff. I think finding out the gender will help too as it’s humanises the whole situation. You got this girl everything will be fine ❤️

Thank you for the replies and @Shrillwaffle I'm so sorry for your loss.

I just feel disconnected. It's the only way to explain it. I struggle to remember there is a baby in there... I heard the heartbeat at my 16 week appointment last week but it still doesn't feel real.
It's such a stark difference to how I was with my last pregnancy - I was hyper aware I was pregnant from the first positive test!

I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it or put too much pressure on yourself, like as women we’ve been through a hell of a lot! I definitely know the feeling you’re talking about and it’s taken a long time to actually be like yep I’m definitely pregnant, at first I didn’t even think about it. I find though I talk and refer to my baby now and I have excitement but also my brain goes ‘ok stop being too happy’ just incase something happens. I tell you going through loss and then pregnancy if such an emotional minefield!! I don’t think there’s any one way someone should feel