Found out I’m pregnant…and due on my wedding day

[Cinai]

I’ve been trying for a while and over the moon that it finally has happened. I’m 4 weeks only, so obviously very early days, but I want to be optimistic. Only ‘downside’…my wedding next year falls within 2 weeks of my due date. (In an ideal world, I’d have waited with TTC until after the wedding but I’m 40 and couldn’t afford to wait). Our original venue was a garden venue that’s suitable for warmer months. I’m trying to decide what would be best:

• Change venue and do a winter wedding at around 20 - 24 weeks pregnant.
• wedding next September with a 4-month old.
• Wedding in 2025 when the baby is 12+ months.

I’m not too fussed about the venue and could move the wedding forward to winter. The 2025 option is more like a last resort. I mainly wonder if it’s more comfortable to be 4+ months pregnant on the wedding and risk throwing up on my dress or to get married with a 4-5 months old (and breastfeed in a wedding dress?).

Bring your wedding forward. Much easier to manage without a baby in tow.

I'd bring it forward if you didn't have your heart set on the summery venue. You're unlikely to have morning sickness at 4-5 month pregnant though you probably will be easily knackered so you'll have to take it easy.

I think have it when you’re around 20 weeks. So much easier than having a baby with you!

Congratulations! Agree bring it forward

I’d definitely bring it forward, if I were you. Congratulations!

First of - congratulations!

You might be showing a lot at 20-24 weeks. Do you want that in your photos?

Have you got someone to take care of the baby during the wedding at either 4/5 months or 12 months? A 4/5 month old is more laid back than a 12 month old.

Double congratulations and I’d go for option one.

ahh congratulations OP!

I found myself unexpectedly pregnant and we did a quickie wedding (no family the only guests were our 2 witnesses) and honestly after seeing our friends go through the stress and expense of big weddings I wouldn’t change it- but that’s not for everyone.

I would suggest either get married before baby arrives or wait a few years - when baby gets here you will have neither time nor inclination to plan and organise a wedding.

Would also bring it forward. Organising a wedding with a small baby is not fun. Do it when you are pregnant.

Congratulations!
I would do an autumn/winter wedding ASAP. Keep it small and simple say 30 guests max because you don't need stress when pregnant. Then plan for a big shebang 1st birthday party/naming ceremony event with a bigger guest list a year after baby is born, and tell anyone who is offended by not being one of the favoured few at the quicky-wedding that the big party in 2025 is the "real" event as far as you are concerned.

Forward, asap.
don’t have a baby when not married. There are essential legal and financial reasons for this, nowt to do with morals.
if you have baby, you’ll be forever putting off the getting married bit and could end up, worst case scenario, like the 10s of women who post here each month being without legal rights when the shit hits the fan.
don’t be one of those women.

Option 1. Not because I’m traditional, just that having a breastfed baby or toddler at your wedding would be a complete pain.

Thanks all!
Looks like bringing it forward is the way to go…now I just need to work out when/how to tell the guests, I don’t want to mess anyone around.

I’d bring it forward. It’ll be less stressful whilst baby-free. And whilst a few people have sickness throughout pregnancy, by 20 or so weeks, most people have finished with sickness (fingers crossed for you!).

You will likely be showing by then though, so you’d have to pick a floaty kind of dress as you wouldn’t know how big your belly will be.

If not, I think I’d wait til baby was a bit older. Exclusive breastfeeding is exhausting and time consuming and at 4mo they feed very frequently still. and even if your baby were able to take a bottle of formula for a few occasions during the wedding, your boobs may be very full and uncomfortable/leaking at that earlyish stage of breastfeeding. When they’re older and on solids too it’s much easier to go much longer without having to feed and without feeling uncomfortable.

congrats on the pregnancy and the upcoming wedding (whenever that may be!)

Bring forward and do ASAP. wedding with baby / child more stressful
Also best to be legally protected pre baby

I married with 4 month old twins and a toddler. I refused to get married pregnant!

Guests kept the children entertained and fed! And MIL had them overnight.

We got married when our 1st was 5 months old. She was teething at the time, and I'd had about 4 hours sleep the night before. I had no time to get ready because she just cried non stop, was still breastfeeding and we also had to pack the car for going on honeymooon. I'm not really sure I enjoyed the day as I should have done, and I don't have any photos out as I just looked exhausted with dark circles under my eyes!

I deeply regret not doing it before we had her.

Have an afternoon wedding!

It’s a long day, which will feel longer when you’re pregnant.

Get married very earliest 2pm: better still 3pm onwards. Otherwise it’s a lot of rushing in the morning to be at the venue in time, then the photos, wedding breakfast, speeches, more photos, evening do…

My friend got married at 11am and day guests were flagging by 6pm. And it meant the bride and bridesmaid had to start having their hair and make up done about 8am. You don’t need that when pregnant!

I fell pregnant while engaged. Baby was 6 months old at the wedding and it was lovely. Everyone’s favourite photos of the day have the baby in. We had my son baptised on the same day as it was a church wedding and meant all my family could be there.

I would rather do it with a little baby than a toddler and I chose not to bring the date forward and do it pregnant.

A 4 month old baby is best scenario in my opinion. I gave bottles on the day and had to pump but that was fine. Breastfeeding wouldn’t have been a problem other than the amount of alcohol I drank.

Defo bring forward. As soon as possible. Those who can't make the new date will just have to understand.

Practicality is sensible - your wellbeing comes first.

Plan the big party for when child's old enough to enjoy and remember it.

Much better to be married first.

Congratulations all round!

I’d bring it forward. At 20 weeks I was feeling great in both my pregnancies
pans I wasn’t showing in my first pregnancy and was hardly showing in my second.

If you want a similar group of guests at the wedding but don’t want to tell them you are pregnant yet, could you invite them to an “engagement party” that is actually the wedding? I’m sure people would understand that you didn’t want to explain the real reason this early on.

Otherwise, yes, a small wedding sounds much less stress with a big party afterwards to include the baby.

I couldn't have had a wedding with a 4 month old. I was deep in the throes of pnd, DD still didn't sleep for more than 2hrs at a time, I leaked milk whenever she cried and I hated my postpartum body.

Have a Christmas/New Year pregnant wedding instead.