experiences please: keeping pregnancy secret

[hidingababy]

i’m only 4 weeks so early days. third baby and the reaction from my close family to my second pregnancy was so negative i just felt so deflated. aside from the reaction my parents are both very much ‘count the fetus as a probably miscarriage until 20 week anomaly scan’ types (mum works in maternity) so refuse to get excited or even really talk about it until anomaly scan is clear.

for those reasons i just don’t want to tell anyone (my family is also the type where if one person knows everyone knows so it’s not like i can tell one person really). i just don’t know what to do. my mum also works in the hospital i’d prefer to deliver at but she literally helps with admin on the sonography department sometimes so i can’t even book there if i don’t tell them 😅 i just don’t want them to know and be negative and make me anxious again

has anyone else hid their pregnancy for a while from close family??

I didn't have the mum working at the hospital issue (tho I guess you could get care elsewhere and transfer there later?) I'm probably going to transfer my care from my local hospital after 20 week scan as I'm not keen on their delivery ward from experience but it's close for all the initial appointments.

However I did live with my parents with my first suprise baby and they didn't know until I was 16 weeks 🤣 that was with me telling them! So it is possible. My partner and very close friends knew but as I still lived at home I was too scared to tell them for a while x

We kept our 2nd pregnancy secret until 5 months in. Because my sil was also pregnant after 10 years we chose to keep it quiet until her baby was at least a month old. Luckily I wasn't that big but when we eventually told her she wasn't impressed, not that we could've hid it forever 🙄

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant and hiding it, I last fell pregnant 13 years ago at 24 years old and my dad said he wouldn't be home if I tried to come home with a baby and they were ready to disown me if I didn't have an abortion. I just don't want them to suck out all the joy like last time and make me feel shit, I totally understand. I think it must be so hard with your mum working at your preferred hospital too. Best advice I've been given so far to process it is to imagine what advice I'd give to my daughter if she was having to tell them she was pregnant (and single I should add) my immediate response was, I'd, probably not in these words, tell her they could go fuck themselves if they were not going to be supportive, tell them as an FYI, and expect nothing, but then I'd be there for her all the way. I know it still stings but it made me realise this is them being arses and I'd have never treated my daughter that way. I'll tell them when I'm good and ready and they can either get on board or go away... again! Horrible that the father has such a supportive family as well, trying not to feel too jealous but it's there still. Good luck and don't feel bad, you wouldn't be doing it if you didn't need to protect yourself.

thanks for the responses!!

@Ttcmumma i have considered transferring midway/when i’m ready to tell them but i don’t know how much of a hassle it is to transfer??

@Gloopyhoop omg 5 months is long enough!! shame she reacted funny after all that effort!!

@2ndchanceluckygirl its so hard isn’t it! you just don’t want something you feel is a happy addition to your life to be made so shitty. when do you plan on telling people? x

Not from my close family, but kept it quiet at work until I was 21 weeks with my second, wore loose long cardigans and scarves, hid it pretty well I think

Well my 13 year old will be 14 end of November and I don't want to ruin that, but we usually go to my parents for Christmas, so it'll have to be before Christmas and after her birthday so they can decide whether they still want me there! 🙈 it'll be too late for them to use the A word and I've accepted (as best I can) whatever will be will be. I sound all strong typing this but had a cry about it earlier today! I'll blame hormones 🙈

@hidingababy I think it's fairly straight forward, I haven't done it yet as I'm only 8-9 weeks and only my partner knows so still need the hospital close to my son's school etc as I can sneak off much easier to appointments but looking into it, I think they just give the new hospital access to your data and you take your notes with you etc once you've called and asked to be transferred. As I've never done it I can't say how smooth it actually is but seems fairly fine online. I know people who have been away when they go into labour and had to just directly drive to the closest hospital which is miles from their usual one to give birth and as long as you have your notes with you it's fine 🤷🏼‍♀️