Is it selfish asking section to be moved forward?

[rainbowMIT]

Hi all

Struggling like crazy with a VERY strong willed, demanding 3 year old. Constantly on the go, wanting, needing, throwing major tantrums. I'll be 37 weeks on Friday and im literally done. Im a mess most days crying not coping with my 3 year old. Don't get any help at all. Im having an elective section at 39+3 but im just wondering weather to speak to the hospital and raise my issues and see if I can have it sooner ? Is this utterly selfish ?
I no in ways it's not going to help but being so stressed and upset with a baby in the womb also doesn't feel right.
Doing anything with my 3 year old right now involves a lot of meltdowns and shes 15kg so very difficult to handle

It wouldn’t be done sooner than 39 weeks without a medical reason as that’s the best time for baby. Hope the last couple of weeks go quickly for you!

As above 39 weeks+ is considered full term, 37-39 weeks is early term but the baby is still finishing development especially the lungs so unless there’s a medical reason baby really is better off waiting until 39 weeks

I had to have a C-section at 37 weeks and it really wasn’t great for the baby, he just wasn’t quite ready. Didn’t have a choice but wouldn’t if you can manage somehow. Can you throw a bit of money at it - doing stuff where someone else entertains the little one and you can just sit in a corner? Or some more babysitting/childcare hours? Just two more weeks

Is there anything you can put in place longer term, so you have support when adjusting to life with two small children ? Sounds tough - hugs!

You have a toddler problem, not a pregnancy problem. Why should the baby's health and well-being, and yours, be disadvantaged by coming early?
Is there no one who could look after the toddler. Its own father for example? He might have to take some dependency leave if you are not coping.

This. You knew your toddler would be this age when you chose to have another baby. It's not fair to risk their health when you knew this was coming.

The problem with bring the birth forward is you then won't be able to lift the toddler at all.

Do you have access to a swimming pool. I found the late stages of pregnancy rough and taking the older ones for a swim meant we could play and cuddle without the gravity issues. It also meant they slept better.

I think you have some harsh replies here.

If this is really what you think is best then talk to your midwife.

But how do you think things will be better if you have the baby sooner?
I understand you're stressed and feel it's bad for the baby, but how do you feel life will be better having the baby a couple of weeks earlier?

The toddler is still going to be a demanding toddler but then you have a newborn and the exhaustion that comes with it to deal with too.

How is it going to be easier to deal with your toddler when you've had a c-section and have a newborn to juggle? This bit will be relatively less stressful so better to get some - any - help now to manage the toddler and try to de-stress. It's intense and physically hard but this is not unforeseen and definitely not something to bring a section forward for. Perhaps you're just feeling fed up and wishing the time away, which is understandable. I hope you get help.

Yeah you will need help if you can get some for after csection, you'll certainly not be able to lift a 15kg toddler for a number of weeks after this, you won't be able to drive.etc. do you not have anyone who can help you?
Doctors won't do a C-section before 38 weeks unless there's a higher risk to you or babies health than the risk of breathing issues in a preterm baby. I got admitted into hospital to wait 10 days until 38 weeks for mine and no one would do it earlier than this, even though it meant being 2.5 hours away from my family and other child for this long. They just won't risk it. They certainly won't do it because your toddler's behaviour is poor.

My baby was born (vaginal) at 37+2 and could have done with a bit longer. I would be sorting the toddler problems and your pregnancy will be easier. I don't think the hospital would (or should) do it this early

And if you haven't got anybody helping you now who is planning on helping you when baby is here?
Who could come at any time btw so where is your help?

You say you don’t get any help, is your children’s dad not around?

Feel for you. Sounds super tough. Good luck.

Has to be rough with a 3 year old. Definately worth looking into arranging child care for 3 year old as it will help you after new baby arrives too. Like above - childminder / nursery if family are not around. We don’t have family close by either so during this first trimester hell we put him into nursery for extra days during summer holiday as I couldn’t have coped.Husband had a week booked off - can you partner (if you have one) take some holiday or leave? Sending good vibes OP

How will any of this be any easier with a newborn and recovering from a section?

I can't see anything that will make your provider want to bring your section date forward.

I think maybe it’s time to declare to your toddler that you can’t lift her anymore. Pick a reason she’ll understand that you can continue on with when your baby is born eg. Mummy is too tired and her tummy is sore. She can’t lift you up.
When your toddler wants a cuddle, sit down somewhere comfortable and get her to come to you. If she’s tantrumming, as long as she’s safe leave her where she is until the tantrum is over. If she’s not somewhere safe and you’re out and there are people around, ask for help if you need it.
Depending ok how your child responds, you might find you need to modify your environment/routine for a while. If it isn’t safe to let her scoot to the park because she won’t stop for roads and you have to run after her and you’re finding that a struggle physically, don’t take the scooter to the park for a while. You might find you need to drive more or take the bus more. You might find yourself needing to do a few more activities in a controlled fenced in environment. Or maybe you have to stay home more. That’s all fine. Your toddler might tantrum more due to the changes, but you may as well do it now, rather than waiting until you have to do it because of your Section wound.

Good luck OP. This stage is hard. But it won’t last. It’s always just a stage.

And absolutely enlist help from any willing family and friends. If Aunty can take her to the park or she can have extra playdates with a friend from nursery then say yes!