Page 2 | Married in 5 weeks, 42 in 5 months, to old to ttc?

GCOG · 2023-09-04T07:30:44+00:00

I’m stressed and overwhelmed. Get married in 5 weeks. 2nd marriage. Neither of us have children. We’ve never previously tried before or had enough regular sex to get caught before we met. Both Christian so won’t be ttc until we’re married. We’re both excited about a new life together. We’d love kids. Regular period and ovulation. No diagnosis. Don’t smoke or drink alcohol. Both regular walkers as we have a dog and it’s our hobby. Healthy diet. I vape when I’m stressed. I had bloods done. AMH low due to my age. Both taking conception max supplements for a few months. Don’t know if it’s just wedding anxiety but I’m feeling depressed that we won’t have a family and that I’ve ran out of time. Looking to do a house swap to with housing association in his area so we can move to a joint marital home together out of our single homes. That could be stressing me out. Just feeling anxiety and low. Just poor mental health as I’ve become a general worrier as the wedding get closer. Fiancé says I’m stressy and it’s getting him down and causing arguments. Huge argument yesterday for all the neighbours to hear. Don’t want the wedding to be called off. Feel consumed with the thoughts I won’t have children. Any words of support? Stories of hope? Strength to share while I feel like hiding under my duvet forever.

Original poster

GCOG · 04/09/2023 19:28

Smeshier · 04/09/2023 19:13

What is your AMH? The average 42 year old has a 5% chance each cycle but miscarriage rates are higher because eggs are more likely to have genetic issues. If you were a patient of mine (I’m an acupuncturist) I would recommend starting the IVF process straight away, it takes a while and you can try naturally whilst you wait. You may need to go private because of your age depending on where you live.

Anti Mullerian Hormone 7.63 pmol/L. Consultation said this was on the low side for fertility but in range for age. Yes I thought that, to see a Dr within 6 months of trying ourselves to be placed on an IVF waiting list. Thank you for your reply.

OP posts:

LovelyQuiche · 04/09/2023 19:31

Op my Amh was 7…I’ve got a 20 month old and a 10 week old all conceived and born after that was measured. I’m 1 month from being 42.
In fact I tell my 40 something friends to be VERY careful if they don’t want to get pregnant!!
The statistics might not be as favourable as they might have been for a 30 something, and obvs the sperm also matters, but don’t give up hope. Definitely try sooner rather than later though

mynameiscalypso · 04/09/2023 19:37

It's probably worth checking out the guidelines on IVF where you live. They differ from place to place but I think the cut off is generally 42 and you have to meet a number of other requirements to qualify for NHS treatment (obviously it's different if you're planning to pay privately)

floofball4 · 04/09/2023 19:38

Just wanted to add, well done for not compromising on your beliefs out of fear re. conceiving. We also are Christians and waited until marriage before having sex, and really glad we did.
That said, if you are really concerned about it being too late by the time you start ttc, could you perhaps marry legally sooner, start ttc, and just keep all the celebrations as arranged on the original date? Making it clear to your friends, family and church family that you are married?
Many vicars are happy to do weddings at short notice.

Original poster

GCOG · 04/09/2023 19:39

JaneIntheBox · 04/09/2023 19:25

I'm not sure whether people sharing their stories are going to help OP. If it happens for you great, if not it's just going to make you more upset as you think 'why not me'? All you are achieving by thinking about it is getting stressed which won't help.
You said you're both Christians, pray and have faith. If it's meant to be for you it will happen, otherwise God has other plans for you.

Edited

Yes you're right. We've had that chat today. Thank you for your reply.

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Original poster

GCOG · 04/09/2023 19:41

mynameiscalypso · 04/09/2023 19:37

It's probably worth checking out the guidelines on IVF where you live. They differ from place to place but I think the cut off is generally 42 and you have to meet a number of other requirements to qualify for NHS treatment (obviously it's different if you're planning to pay privately)

Yes we will do. Thank you.

OP posts:

Original poster

GCOG · 04/09/2023 19:41

LovelyQuiche · 04/09/2023 19:31

Op my Amh was 7…I’ve got a 20 month old and a 10 week old all conceived and born after that was measured. I’m 1 month from being 42.
In fact I tell my 40 something friends to be VERY careful if they don’t want to get pregnant!!
The statistics might not be as favourable as they might have been for a 30 something, and obvs the sperm also matters, but don’t give up hope. Definitely try sooner rather than later though

Thank you.

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Smeshier · 04/09/2023 19:43

You sound like a lovely, thoughtful
person. Just remember, if you really want to be a parent, it will happen for you. If you have faith,
look at it as god’s plan for you guys.

There are SO many ways to have a baby. I have patients who conceived naturally, those who turned to IVF and those who eventually adopted. All of them are happy and can’t imagine their families any other way. The uncertainty is hideous at times but remember this WILL happen.

Original poster

GCOG · 04/09/2023 19:43

floofball4 · 04/09/2023 19:38

Just wanted to add, well done for not compromising on your beliefs out of fear re. conceiving. We also are Christians and waited until marriage before having sex, and really glad we did.
That said, if you are really concerned about it being too late by the time you start ttc, could you perhaps marry legally sooner, start ttc, and just keep all the celebrations as arranged on the original date? Making it clear to your friends, family and church family that you are married?
Many vicars are happy to do weddings at short notice.

Thank you. We get married in 5 weeks. I think I've just lost my way recently. Thank you for your reply. Congratulations on your wedding.

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Original poster

GCOG · 04/09/2023 19:45

Smeshier · 04/09/2023 19:43

You sound like a lovely, thoughtful
person. Just remember, if you really want to be a parent, it will happen for you. If you have faith,
look at it as god’s plan for you guys.

There are SO many ways to have a baby. I have patients who conceived naturally, those who turned to IVF and those who eventually adopted. All of them are happy and can’t imagine their families any other way. The uncertainty is hideous at times but remember this WILL happen.

Thank you. I've got myself in a mess with wedding plans and house hunting and lost my way. Thank you. You're so right.

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poptypingchef · 04/09/2023 20:02

Im currently 33 weeks pregnant and will give birth around my 44th Birthday. We did have IVF - 3 cycles but all going well. I wish you all
the luck and hope you have the best day!

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 04/09/2023 20:39

I had DD when I was 42 and family members have had theirs at 43, 44 and 48... it can and does happen in your 40s.

thejadefish · 04/09/2023 21:33

Not too old no, I had mine at 39 & 45 (naturally/without assistance). It took a lot longer to conceive than I would have chosen each time, but you're not too old. Fertility is very individual of course, but it sounds like you're in a good position. You do however have a lot on your plate, weddings are very stressful and a possible move no wonder you're stressed! Not long to wait, try to take things one step at a time. Have your beautiful day and hopefully then you'll be able to relax a little which (according to my GP anyway) helps with ttc. Congratulations and good luck.

Original poster

GCOG · 05/09/2023 17:47

poptypingchef · 04/09/2023 20:02

Im currently 33 weeks pregnant and will give birth around my 44th Birthday. We did have IVF - 3 cycles but all going well. I wish you all
the luck and hope you have the best day!

Congratulations! 💗

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Original poster

GCOG · 05/09/2023 17:48

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 04/09/2023 20:39

I had DD when I was 42 and family members have had theirs at 43, 44 and 48... it can and does happen in your 40s.

Thank you for your post. Blessings to you xx

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Original poster

GCOG · 05/09/2023 17:49

thejadefish · 04/09/2023 21:33

Not too old no, I had mine at 39 & 45 (naturally/without assistance). It took a lot longer to conceive than I would have chosen each time, but you're not too old. Fertility is very individual of course, but it sounds like you're in a good position. You do however have a lot on your plate, weddings are very stressful and a possible move no wonder you're stressed! Not long to wait, try to take things one step at a time. Have your beautiful day and hopefully then you'll be able to relax a little which (according to my GP anyway) helps with ttc. Congratulations and good luck.

That's such a blessing how wonderful. Thank you for your kind words xx

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MarshyMcMarshFace · 05/09/2023 18:07

OP, congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

I hope you have such love for each other and a wish to live together that you will have a happy marriage whether or not you have children? Value your wedding for its own sake.

Meanwhile - we can't tell you whether or not you will easily conceive - many do at your age (I did, older than you, first time of trying and with no problems afterwards) many find it a struggle, or need intervention, or in the end cannot manage it.

The old 'fertility drops off a cliff at 35' data has been found to be flawed. Obviously there is a drop off in frequency and speed of conception as you approach the later years of your fertile life. But until you try...you won't know.

Enjoy your wedding, enjoy your marriage and enjoy trying!

Original poster

GCOG · 05/09/2023 20:33

MarshyMcMarshFace · 05/09/2023 18:07

OP, congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

I hope you have such love for each other and a wish to live together that you will have a happy marriage whether or not you have children? Value your wedding for its own sake.

Meanwhile - we can't tell you whether or not you will easily conceive - many do at your age (I did, older than you, first time of trying and with no problems afterwards) many find it a struggle, or need intervention, or in the end cannot manage it.

The old 'fertility drops off a cliff at 35' data has been found to be flawed. Obviously there is a drop off in frequency and speed of conception as you approach the later years of your fertile life. But until you try...you won't know.

Enjoy your wedding, enjoy your marriage and enjoy trying!

Thank you. I'm blown away how kind and thoughtful everyone has been. I'm really glad I posted when I was so low because it's really helped. I do want to value the marriage in its own right. We both do. I'd be happy with my fiancé the rest of my days regardless of if we have kids or not. He's the one I want in my life and my future regardless. I'd rather be in his world rather then be in the world without him. I'm less anxious now. I've got back to reality and perspective. The truth is children are a gift and my life won't be ruined if I do t have them. I hate when anxiety overwhelms me and I overthink everything because it ruins our enjoyment of the moment and I don't want to live like that or subject my fiancé to a life of worry like that. That's why we're such a match. He's so sensible and so wise. I think God for him. Thanks again for your post. I need to work on my mental, emotional, spiritual health as a priority otherwise I have no peace or joy. Blessings to you. xx

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Racket81 · 17/01/2024 20:14

I'm also 42 and ttc no 3 with new partner. 1 MC in July 2023 still trying.

Jk987 · 18/01/2024 19:12

I wouldn't wait until the wedding. I don't think God would mind!

I had my first at 44 as didn't meet the right person until 39. It took a while but we had a miracle. Make sure he has a sperm test and if possible pay for a private fertility MOT.