Prepare me for 2 under 2!!!

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

2424x2424 · 04/09/2023 05:31

sparklymams · 04/09/2023 01:13

So me and my partner have decided to try for another baby - very excited about this but my mind flutters from worry to excitement. We have a baby girl who's 14mo so another baby (assuming it was to happen in the next few weeks and all goes to plan) would of course be due 9 months from now meaning.. 2 under 2

I hear so many people say good and bad things but never anything that would prepare for me for the transition of 1 baby to 2. 1 baby felt like hard work, is 2 going to be harder? How badly does it affect the dynamic of the family if at all? Is pp somewhat easier because you have an idea of how it will go? or is it harder because you have another person relying on you that wasn't there the first time round?

any tips or things I should know/prepare for would be much appreciated!!

I'm fully aware I'm asking this very prematurely but just want to get some little pockets of advice 😁😁

don't get me wrong having 2 children under 2 must be so difficult, but I think it'll be worth it, you get to watch them grow up together and become best of friends. So it'll definitely be worth the stress x

Tilly18101 · 04/09/2023 07:07

I have a 20m old and I am currently 4m + pregnant with identical twins! So be prepared for that to happen as identical twins are completely random and can happen in 1 in 250! (As ive since found out!) mine will be just over 2yrs apart and I’ve still not got my head around it for 3 basically under 2 but I’ve had lots of advice and will talk all the help that is offered.

like you we wanted a 2y age gap so they would grow up closely and could do similar things together, a lot of our friends have 3-5yrs between children and said the difficult thing as they got older was having one sibling who could do something but the other too young still. So that was a big driver for us.

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/09/2023 07:13

It’s traditionally a very common age gap because of stopping breastfeeding the older child and obviously everyone who’s had twins will have two under two or possibly 3 under two.

Pooheadbumbum · 04/09/2023 07:17

I have 4 DC, each ‘set’ were 2 under 2. It’s very hard work for the first few years. And can feel a bit all consuming. But, once you are out of the really gruelling bit it’s absolutely great and luckily my children seem close and play well….

Now, if, like me, you are silly enough to go back for more, that does change things again 🤣

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/09/2023 07:27

My friend had two under 1 and I’ve seen it be incredibly hard work for her. They’re only nearly 2 and nearly 3 now so probably just coming up to the age of it getting a bit easier.

I have the opposite and there are 6.5y between my two. Not what we planned but how life worked out for us. The bonus of that was that DD1 was almost entirely self-sufficient when DD2 came along so needed a different type of parenting. She also adored helping out with her baby sister. Downsides are that trying to find things that entertain a 9yo and nearly 3yo can be challenging. It’s manageable now because DD1 still likes things aimed more at younger children but as we get more into the teens, it’s going to be a challenge. We’ve thrown a spanner in the works though in that I’m due DC3 in April so will have a 10y gap between the eldest and youngest.

You just make the age gap you have work.

mumtotwox · 04/09/2023 08:50

23 months between my first two and there will be 21 months between baby two and three. I absolutely adore the age gap 🥰 At first the older baby isn't that bothered by the newborn because they can't do very much but as soon as they are on the move it's a lot of fun. They can do the same things etc 😊

Original poster

sparklymams · 05/09/2023 23:05

Tilly18101 · 04/09/2023 07:07

I have a 20m old and I am currently 4m + pregnant with identical twins! So be prepared for that to happen as identical twins are completely random and can happen in 1 in 250! (As ive since found out!) mine will be just over 2yrs apart and I’ve still not got my head around it for 3 basically under 2 but I’ve had lots of advice and will talk all the help that is offered.

like you we wanted a 2y age gap so they would grow up closely and could do similar things together, a lot of our friends have 3-5yrs between children and said the difficult thing as they got older was having one sibling who could do something but the other too young still. So that was a big driver for us.

Omg good luck!! I didn't even think of that so that's something to think about! X

OP posts:

Original poster

sparklymams · 05/09/2023 23:08

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/09/2023 07:27

My friend had two under 1 and I’ve seen it be incredibly hard work for her. They’re only nearly 2 and nearly 3 now so probably just coming up to the age of it getting a bit easier.

I have the opposite and there are 6.5y between my two. Not what we planned but how life worked out for us. The bonus of that was that DD1 was almost entirely self-sufficient when DD2 came along so needed a different type of parenting. She also adored helping out with her baby sister. Downsides are that trying to find things that entertain a 9yo and nearly 3yo can be challenging. It’s manageable now because DD1 still likes things aimed more at younger children but as we get more into the teens, it’s going to be a challenge. We’ve thrown a spanner in the works though in that I’m due DC3 in April so will have a 10y gap between the eldest and youngest.

You just make the age gap you have work.

I originally wanted a 5 year gap but my partner is 10years older than me and wants another one now or never so I've compromised! But as others have said a smaller age gape is more ideal for activities later on

OP posts:

Original poster

sparklymams · 05/09/2023 23:10

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/09/2023 07:27

My friend had two under 1 and I’ve seen it be incredibly hard work for her. They’re only nearly 2 and nearly 3 now so probably just coming up to the age of it getting a bit easier.

I have the opposite and there are 6.5y between my two. Not what we planned but how life worked out for us. The bonus of that was that DD1 was almost entirely self-sufficient when DD2 came along so needed a different type of parenting. She also adored helping out with her baby sister. Downsides are that trying to find things that entertain a 9yo and nearly 3yo can be challenging. It’s manageable now because DD1 still likes things aimed more at younger children but as we get more into the teens, it’s going to be a challenge. We’ve thrown a spanner in the works though in that I’m due DC3 in April so will have a 10y gap between the eldest and youngest.

You just make the age gap you have work.

Also good luck with baby number 3! 🍀

OP posts:

mondaytosunday · 05/09/2023 23:12

Mine are 20 months apart one boy one girl and they'd certainly are NOT the best of friends! Neither were my stepsons who have the same gap. There's no guarantees on that score.
But I'm happy with the gap. It means they will be Fairly interested in the same things at the same time. It is hard work but any second child would be, no matter what the gap.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 05/09/2023 23:27

I had 2 under 2. They're now 1 and 3. Absolute sweethearts and the oldest dotes on the youngest.

It was complicated because DS had a speech delay and he was barely talking (when DD was born, DS had about 10 words at this point, and five of them were types of vehicle, the rest were snack names) or understanding us. Before I was ready to give birth I bought my oldest (DS) a Baby Annabel doll, a bottle and dodie and hid it away. When I came back from the hospital with DD, I gave DS the doll etc, and he was really excited that he got to have a new baby and mummy got one too (what are the odds, eh?) so I put him in a role where he wasn't in competition with his sister, but was a caregiver (with zero actual responsibility ofc) so he saw his sister as someone to help rather than someone taking his mummy away.

Due to COVID I gave birth alone and was alone in hospital with DD for 3 days (lockdown ward, IDK if you had them in England), I'd never been away from DS before then. DS had conjunctivitis when DD was born, and a horrendous chest infection that turned out to be whooping cough, and DS and DH ended up sleeping in our room while me and DD were in DS's room sharing the single bed for two weeks until DS was better and not contagious, so apart from 2 hours when DD and I returned from hospital in a taxi, none of us saw each other for the first 17 days. I think making sure DS didn't feel like his sister had taken his mummy away was the reason that everything was fine after that initial period.

As soon as DD was 4 weeks old, DH had to go away to England for work, leaving me alone with the babies in Ireland. I took the PHN's (HV's) advice and got out every day, even just walking around the estate with the double buggy. DD was a delightful sleeper during the day (not so much at night), so I used to park her in her buggy and focus on DS while we played together.

The best piece of advice I got when I was pregnant was whenever there's a conflict between DC1 and 2 both needing you at the same time, prioritise DC1 where possible for the first couple of months, as the oldest child is used to having you on tap and it stops resentment building while they transition to sharing you. The other thing I'd suggest is if your DH won't be on hand much, avoid a CS at all costs so you can still lift your toddler in and out of car seat/pushchair.

Also, get a double buggy. We had the cheapest - the Joie Aire. Phenomenal, light enough, easy to push one-handed, and fitted in the boot of our hatchback. Buggy boards and baby wraps are all well and good but some days you will just need to pop them both in the pushchair to get somewhere and get something done.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 05/09/2023 23:31

avoid a CS at all costs
Unless definitely medically necessary of course. I gave birth to DD in a hospital with a 46% CS rate, so really had to push for a VB, but would never recommend anyone doing anything dangerous.

Malarandras · 05/09/2023 23:34

I had two under two years old. I don’t remember much if that time now haha! Hopefully your partner is supportive that is key. A wider support network helps lots too. Organising everything helps hugely, you can never be too organised. And whatever you do get the biggest drum sized washing machine you can. The laundry is endless!

Original poster

sparklymams · 06/09/2023 00:27

BiscuitsandPuffin · 05/09/2023 23:27

I had 2 under 2. They're now 1 and 3. Absolute sweethearts and the oldest dotes on the youngest.

It was complicated because DS had a speech delay and he was barely talking (when DD was born, DS had about 10 words at this point, and five of them were types of vehicle, the rest were snack names) or understanding us. Before I was ready to give birth I bought my oldest (DS) a Baby Annabel doll, a bottle and dodie and hid it away. When I came back from the hospital with DD, I gave DS the doll etc, and he was really excited that he got to have a new baby and mummy got one too (what are the odds, eh?) so I put him in a role where he wasn't in competition with his sister, but was a caregiver (with zero actual responsibility ofc) so he saw his sister as someone to help rather than someone taking his mummy away.

Due to COVID I gave birth alone and was alone in hospital with DD for 3 days (lockdown ward, IDK if you had them in England), I'd never been away from DS before then. DS had conjunctivitis when DD was born, and a horrendous chest infection that turned out to be whooping cough, and DS and DH ended up sleeping in our room while me and DD were in DS's room sharing the single bed for two weeks until DS was better and not contagious, so apart from 2 hours when DD and I returned from hospital in a taxi, none of us saw each other for the first 17 days. I think making sure DS didn't feel like his sister had taken his mummy away was the reason that everything was fine after that initial period.

As soon as DD was 4 weeks old, DH had to go away to England for work, leaving me alone with the babies in Ireland. I took the PHN's (HV's) advice and got out every day, even just walking around the estate with the double buggy. DD was a delightful sleeper during the day (not so much at night), so I used to park her in her buggy and focus on DS while we played together.

The best piece of advice I got when I was pregnant was whenever there's a conflict between DC1 and 2 both needing you at the same time, prioritise DC1 where possible for the first couple of months, as the oldest child is used to having you on tap and it stops resentment building while they transition to sharing you. The other thing I'd suggest is if your DH won't be on hand much, avoid a CS at all costs so you can still lift your toddler in and out of car seat/pushchair.

Also, get a double buggy. We had the cheapest - the Joie Aire. Phenomenal, light enough, easy to push one-handed, and fitted in the boot of our hatchback. Buggy boards and baby wraps are all well and good but some days you will just need to pop them both in the pushchair to get somewhere and get something done.

This is some really useful info thanks so much! My dd has a dolly and is obsessed with her but the idea of getting her a new one is brilliant.

Unfortunately I had to have a Cs with my first and will most likely have to have another one - my recovery was fast and fairly easy. I never thought about the troubles of lifting/carrying a toddler as well.

Will definitely need to look into a double buggy, I was considering just using the one we have now but you've made some very valid points! Thank you x

OP posts:

Original poster

sparklymams · 06/09/2023 00:29

Malarandras · 05/09/2023 23:34

I had two under two years old. I don’t remember much if that time now haha! Hopefully your partner is supportive that is key. A wider support network helps lots too. Organising everything helps hugely, you can never be too organised. And whatever you do get the biggest drum sized washing machine you can. The laundry is endless!

My partners very supportive and amazing dad, one of the reasons I want another one! I have serious trouble organising, I have ADHD which I feel like I struggle most days with. Not sure how I'd manage with another one.. again another thing I thought about

OP posts:

elifont · 06/09/2023 00:38

If you wait till the first is 10 the transition would be worse because it's back to baby stage. The perfect time to have a second baby is now, because your thinking about doing it. And it will be hard, but also amazing! Waiting to make it easier isn't a thing, because one area that's easier makes another area harder. Oldest being 2 is only a year or 2 away from being at school, and everything changes. They aren't 2 under 2 for long. Blink and they're 2nd off to high school

Peajee · 06/09/2023 01:39

I have a toddler who turns 2 next week and an 11 week old. Bedtimes are the hardest. My partner works away most of the time which makes it even more difficult because I'm getting them both down myself and sometimes they both keep setting each other off so it can take ages to get them down.
When my youngest was born my 2 year old, who had dropped to a short comfort breastfeed before bed only, suddenly started wanting to breastfeed regularly and throughout the day again. I was going to stop this but then I read that tandem breastfeeding can help to develop their bond and reduce any resentment or jealousy. It's worked and my 2 year old isn't jealous at all of the baby, however it's hard going and I'm hoping to get her to stop soon.
I had also managed to keep my 2 year old away from screens but now the baby is here sometimes I feel like I don't know what else to do, the baby might be needing fed or I'm needing to do something like dinner or washing and before I would have taken the 2 year old with me but it can be hard with them both. Going shopping is a nightmare as well as my 2 year old hates being in a pram and has just gotten to a stage of running away at any opportunity, I'm now doing online shopping.
I'm looking forward to the future with them and seeing them grow up together, but it is really really hard and some days I'm in tears and feel like a total failure as a mum. I think it will all be worth it though.

notanotherclairebear · 06/09/2023 03:37

I had 2 under 2, with a 20 month age gap. They're now 6 and 4 and I love the age gap. Yes, they argue, but you'd be hard pressed to find siblings that don't, regardless of age gap!

Pros for me are getting nappies and sleepless nights all done in one go, they have similar interests and like playing the same games, days out are easy to cater to both their likes - as are family holidays. I imagine it would be harder doing days out trying to keep both a 2 year old and 7/8/9 year old equally entertained. The first 2 years were really hard work, but we're seeing the pay off now of having a smaller age gap.

Biggest con for me was paying childcare for two kids at the same time. My eldest has a summer birthday and funded hours didn't kick in until the following September, so we had a looooooong stretch of very expensive nursery bills! Something to bear in mind if you work. Eldest also can't help out with the baby as much as if there were a bigger age gap and generally is still much less independent so you will be stretched thinner.

But I think most parents love the age gap their kids have, no matter what it is! Also I've got a 20 month age gap with one of my siblings and a 6 year age gap with the other - we all got on equally well with one another and still do as adults. Age really is just a number

Roselilly36 · 06/09/2023 03:57

I also had two boys under two, 21mth gap. 0-3yrs the most challenging, but no regrets at all. My two are adults now and best friends as well as brothers. The first few years are hard, especially as our second son was a very unsettled baby. Good luck OP, it totally worth it.

Seryse · 06/09/2023 13:52

I have a 19 year old DD, 15 month old DS and 13 week old DD, I can only speak from my personal experience, but I've found it easier than when DS was little. She's really chilled, always smiling and happy to watch the world around her, he had colic so... we were dreading a repeat of that but luckily dodged it. He's not particularly interested in her, if she cries he'll put his snuggle in her basket which is quite sweet since he's very attached to it, or if she's in her bouncy chair he'll hold her foot. It might turn into a riot soon, but for now... its bliss. (Again, that's just me, I lucked out that she's such a chill happy baby possibly)

maria2bela1 · 06/09/2023 13:58

My son was still 1 when my DD was born. It's no walk in the park, nappies/potty training/accidents/tantrums x 2 can definitely test your sanity..but now they're 3 and 4 and best friends, they fight but play all the time etc, so very worth it in my opinion.

MixedCouple · 06/09/2023 14:39

We planned 2 under 2. Never happened. Still TTC 6 months later.