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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Early stages of pregnancy - should I tell my boss

7 replies

neverenoughwine · 31/08/2023 16:59

Hi All,

TW - Previous loss

Ordinarily and in the past I have waited until I had my first scan before mentioning it to work. (My children are mid and late teens now!)

However, I have recently found out I'm pregnant, although I think 4 or 5 weeks, so early!!

I started a new job last August and 2 weeks before my start date, I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant (hadn't been trying).

Two days later, DP rushed me into urgent care unit. I was in agony, they sent me home after feeling my tummy saying it was probably an early miscarriage. I couldn't walk and in the car my waters broke (at the time I didn't realise it!!! - I was hallucinating - and my DP he's never seen anyone in labour before) they came out, took me in for bloods and referred me to the gynae unit at another hospital an hour away.

Long story short, 3 hours later, I delivered our baby in a side room of a waiting area, sadly he wasn't alive but was just short of 20 weeks. I had surgery the following day to remove the placenta and then we had to arrange his funeral. My grandpa died the following week, so cue another funeral. It was all super, traumatic (and still is).

My new workplace were so understanding, I started my job too soon (4 weeks later) and then ended up with 3 months off for bereavement and stress.

The local womens and midwifery centre called me as GP arranged my booking in appointment for end of Sept, but they would like to see me sooner. Due to the experience last year and my age (41)

I've already started with symptoms (nausea, gas, heartburn (which I never get) and backache) plus other stuff, which triggered me to take a test. So I figured, should I tell my line manager (who is the MD) so I can account for any antenatal appointments etc that I may need soon?

What would you do?

I'm scared, anxious, excited, happy and nervous all rolled in to 1!

Thanks for reading if oyou got this far.

OP posts:
Layinwait · 31/08/2023 17:03

How many apps are we realistically talking about before 12 weeks?

Layinwait · 31/08/2023 17:04

Honestly - I’d take as holiday or I’d say a doc app

Olivia199 · 31/08/2023 17:15

Firstly - so sorry for your loss previously. Secondly, congratulations on this pregnancy.

I told my boss I was pregnant a few days after I got a positive test, mainly as there were some things in my role I couldn't do while pregnant but also I got hyperemesis. They were absolutely amazing at supporting me both with the sickness and with duties that'd give me the best opportunity to take it easy.

Unfortunately at my scan with the fertility clinic at 8 weeks, I found out there was no heartbeat.

I am now beyond glad that my boss knows because I could text her the problem and let her know I wouldn't be in for a couple weeks while I sorted management etc.

She's been nothing but supportive and has checked in on me. The sickness has been recorded as pregnancy related and on my return I'll have support.

However, this is obviously very personal. If you hated your boss and thought they'd be really horrible if they knew then I'd absolutely not tell them. But if they're likely to support you and it also means you get your appointments off with no hassle then I'd absolutely go ahead. I wouldn't hesitate for a second to let work know if I was pregnant again.

Unfortunately my whole team knew thanks to the constant throwing up but even that I've found to be a positive in this horrible Time.

STSJ90 · 31/08/2023 18:12

Hi,

I had exactly the same feeling of you. I had never experienced anything like you had, this is my first pregnancy (I’m now 21 weeks).

My job is quite high stress with a lot of late evenings, long hours etc. I would also say (without sounding like I’m blowing my own trumpet!) I’m quite integral to the organisation and someone people rely on. Everyone convinced me I should not tell work until 12 weeks. During this time I felt incredibly ill and had to make various medical appointments. Each time I lied about why I was leaving work, I’m quite an open person in terms of my personal life with colleagues so I wasn’t in the situation where people would ask if I was okay if that makes sense. As I was feeling so unwell things at work slipped, it reached the point where I was driving to meeting and taking naps in the back in the back between them! My boss unlike yours is not particularly understanding and even though I told him I felt unwell (without telling him I was pregnant) I ended up being made to feel pretty awful.

anyway, the point of this long winded tale is that i actually wish I just told them sooner. I didn’t like making things up and I also feel I may have been treated with more compassion. I completely get that you have suffered loss and why you wouldn’t want to but the reality is nothing will change whether you tell them or not. If they have discretion which they should have then surely only your manager and HR would be made aware. I actually listened to a podcast that spoke about this exact thing saying that women not telling actually makes them feel isolated and lonely.

if I could do it again I would tell. But I really do think it’s a personal thing!

sending you all the well wishes! :)

Original poster
neverenoughwine · 31/08/2023 19:34

STSJ90 · 31/08/2023 18:12

Hi,

I had exactly the same feeling of you. I had never experienced anything like you had, this is my first pregnancy (I’m now 21 weeks).

My job is quite high stress with a lot of late evenings, long hours etc. I would also say (without sounding like I’m blowing my own trumpet!) I’m quite integral to the organisation and someone people rely on. Everyone convinced me I should not tell work until 12 weeks. During this time I felt incredibly ill and had to make various medical appointments. Each time I lied about why I was leaving work, I’m quite an open person in terms of my personal life with colleagues so I wasn’t in the situation where people would ask if I was okay if that makes sense. As I was feeling so unwell things at work slipped, it reached the point where I was driving to meeting and taking naps in the back in the back between them! My boss unlike yours is not particularly understanding and even though I told him I felt unwell (without telling him I was pregnant) I ended up being made to feel pretty awful.

anyway, the point of this long winded tale is that i actually wish I just told them sooner. I didn’t like making things up and I also feel I may have been treated with more compassion. I completely get that you have suffered loss and why you wouldn’t want to but the reality is nothing will change whether you tell them or not. If they have discretion which they should have then surely only your manager and HR would be made aware. I actually listened to a podcast that spoke about this exact thing saying that women not telling actually makes them feel isolated and lonely.

if I could do it again I would tell. But I really do think it’s a personal thing!

sending you all the well wishes! :)

Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging reply!!

Sending you lots of luck and I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy 💕

OP posts:
Original poster
neverenoughwine · 31/08/2023 19:36

Olivia199 · 31/08/2023 17:15

Firstly - so sorry for your loss previously. Secondly, congratulations on this pregnancy.

I told my boss I was pregnant a few days after I got a positive test, mainly as there were some things in my role I couldn't do while pregnant but also I got hyperemesis. They were absolutely amazing at supporting me both with the sickness and with duties that'd give me the best opportunity to take it easy.

Unfortunately at my scan with the fertility clinic at 8 weeks, I found out there was no heartbeat.

I am now beyond glad that my boss knows because I could text her the problem and let her know I wouldn't be in for a couple weeks while I sorted management etc.

She's been nothing but supportive and has checked in on me. The sickness has been recorded as pregnancy related and on my return I'll have support.

However, this is obviously very personal. If you hated your boss and thought they'd be really horrible if they knew then I'd absolutely not tell them. But if they're likely to support you and it also means you get your appointments off with no hassle then I'd absolutely go ahead. I wouldn't hesitate for a second to let work know if I was pregnant again.

Unfortunately my whole team knew thanks to the constant throwing up but even that I've found to be a positive in this horrible Time.

Thanks Olivia. I'm glad you had support and I'm sending hugs. So sorry for your loss too xxx

OP posts:
STSJ90 · 31/08/2023 19:37

I’ve just noticed all the typos but hoping you got the gist! I will blame pregnancy 😂 x

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