Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

breakup pregnancy advice & co parenting with a newborn?

1 reply

Girlmummaxx · 29/08/2023 14:34

I’m 29 weeks pregnant have 2 children from a prior to relationship and my partner at the time also has two children from a previous relationship. I’m pregnant with our first child together and his first baby girl.

He is an extremely hands on dad with the two sons he has, long story short the relationship has gone to complete 💩. After an argument he’s decided he wants nothing to do with me and I’ve taken away his excitement of becoming a dad again. He knows where it stands when it comes to baby and he’ll always have a right to see her when she arrives.
The relationship has been up and down, we don’t live together but he had a good relationship with my two daughters prior to our argument (petty one may I add)
Deep down I know it’s best we go our separate ways I’ve been unhappy for a little while with how I’ve been treated by him and the hot and cold moods.

The last message I received was if it comes to court he will deal with it. Which is bizarre as he knows he’d never be denied access but I think he’s personally just trying to use a power trip. Anyway he told me he doesn’t want anything to do with me at which I responded if he’d still like to have updates/be at the birth etc. He’s ghosted my message and I haven’t reached out to him since.

If you was in my position would you bother updating him when it probably won’t be appreciated? How would you go about co parenting with a newborn? (He lives in shared accommodation so his kids now stay every other weekend in a bedroom with their dad), surely this won’t work with a newborn added to the mix? He works long hours 7-7 so would want to see her in the evenings most days but he’s an hour away from me and I don’t want to confuse my other two kids by having him around once baby is here if I can avoid it 😫

I really want it to work for everybody’s benefit but I’m really struggling to see how it will. I’m 99% sure he’ll try be a hands on dad when she’s actually here regardless of him bouncing from me at my most vulnerable time

OP posts:
Surreymum21 · 15/09/2023 21:01

Hi, I’ve just seen this post and am sorry to see no one replied. I’m not sure if I’ve got any really useful advice but having also been left during pregnancy, I just wanted to say I hope you’re alright and regardless of what happened nobody deserves that. But sounds like you’re strong and will nail it on your own. It’s really (/overly) kind of you to ask if he wants updates and to be at the birth. Personally it was important to me that my ex wasn’t there, as you want to be in the best headspace possible - surrounded by people that genuinely love and care for you and your welfare. Any minor stresses or discomfort can be disruptive to labour. Doesn’t sounds like he deserves to be there if he’s not supported you in the run up.

If he hasn’t replied to you, then no I don’t think you should send him updates - unless you feel that you really want to. To be honest it doesn’t sound like being a ‘hands on dad’ will be possible if he works 7-7 and lives an hour away. Your newborn will only need you for quite a long time - and it doesn’t sound like he’s got an appropriate environment to have overnights. You say he’ll want to see the baby most days… but if he can only arrive at 8pm that’ll be disruptive to your baby’s bedtime and night time routine etc. Can you come to an arrangement where he comes to visit at the weekends? And when the baby is older if he wants to be involved then you can progress to a more equal arrangement if that’s what you want. I think you need to just focus on you and your baby now and not go out of your way to involve him. Your raging hormones will trick you into thinking you want him around but truthfully you don’t want to face his ‘hot and cold moods’ when you’ve got your gorgeous new baby. Surround yourself with all your favourite people, try to have a safe and healthy pregnancy then just enjoy every minute of your single mama love bubble when your little one arrives. You got this!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread