Pregnancy & breakup

[Roset199]

I’m 29 weeks pregnant and recently the baby’s dad has decided he wants nothing to do with me. We’ve been together for about a year and a half, he has two sons from a separate relationship and I have two daughters so pregnant with first child together. Everything was going extremely well until he become off one day and I told him I’d leave him too it as I didn’t want any dramas. A few days passed and I still hadn’t heard anything from him (we don’t live together) at this point I just thought he was being off. I messaged and asked what was going on and he replied ‘you wanted a reaction the other day and was being weird so I’ve left you to it’ he then went on to say we should just give each other space etc.
A few more messages were exchanged and he started digging about my past relationship with my children’s dad and making comments looking for a reaction. Which I stupidly gave him (hormonal and tired). I said some not nice things and told him I wouldn’t rely on him physically or financially when baby was here. He told me I can’t take back words and he wanted nothing to do with me moving forward.
He suffers with mental health and once he’s annoyed you can’t get him out the mood until he’s ready. A week later I re messaged apologising and updating him on the pregnancy and that we need to put a plan in place for when she arrives and meet a middle ground.
He response was very much he owes me nothing, doesn’t want to talk about anything and doesn’t have too, I’ve taken away his excitement about baby and used her as a weapon???? (I haven’t once said he couldn’t see her or have a relationship with her just I wouldn’t rely on him if he’s going to be an idiot) and told me to do what I want and brought up court and if it comes to it he will deal with it as he’s saved every message.

This guy means the world to me and I’m really struggling with letting go. He knows I put my feelings aside to put a plan in place for our baby girl because he’s completely shut me off. Any advice?

It doesn’t seem like the best, happiest relationship and seems like you’ve been arguing over some trivial things and hoping to get a reaction from one another.

It’s a tricky situation being pregnant but you have said things such as you won’t rely on him etc and that suggests you maybe don’t want him around.

Personally I’d send him a message explaining you very much want him in your child’s life and you hope you two can work things out for the sake of your baby.

I do think it’s for the best if you have a little separation period to give you both time to cool down and decide if a romantic relationship is a good idea. Pregnancy is stressful, even more so when you’re blending two families. There’s so many people’s emotions to keep track of and it’s just unnecessary stress.

Thankyou

I sent him a message apologising just before the weekend and told him I wouldn’t stop him being present in her life and I’d of even still allowed him at the birth. He knows how I feel towards him also, but literally disregarded everything and said my apologies mean nothing to him. When I asked if we could put future plans in place he told me he doesn’t owe me a conversation and doesn’t need or want to speak about anything.

I’ve just left him to it, he has my number if he wants any updates. As far as he’s made it aware he doesn’t want a relationship, won’t finically be paying for anything to prep for her to be here and I’m not to contact him until I’m in labour.
I can’t do no more or say any more than I have done

You’ve done all you can. Let him cool down and hopefully see some sense.

If you want to give him updates about the baby etc then I would still go ahead with a text letting him know if anything happens or changes. I’d probably still message when you have midwife appointments too. This way you’re being the bigger person and still actively trying to keep him involved. (That is if you want him to be involved)

Once the baby is here then everything changes. If he wants to be around for the baby and you’re happy to have him there then great, keep encouraging it and see what happens .
If he isn’t there and doesn’t care then that’s a different story but one id cross at the time.

You say he suffers with his mental health. This is probably just a lot for him to focus on right now. Which of course isn’t ideal for you but give him space and see what happens. When he’s ready he might come around again. Then you two need to have a serious conversation about the future and what’s best for everyone. If you decide to give the relationship a go again then the past needs to be left in the past .