Did I damage my child during pregnancy?

[Mauket]

I have a 1 year old DD. My DH and I were on holiday around 3 weeks after she was conceived. Whilst on holiday, we went abseiling which included diving into the river from a cliff edge. I didn’t know I was pregnant at the time.

My DD is developing fine and seems healthy overall. However, she has some breathing issues, including wheezing and coughing. This could be asthma, bronchomalacia or something else. We are trying to get to the bottom of this.

My mum decided to tell me yesterday that these issues are directly a result of my actions on holiday. I was anyway feeling guilty but someone saying that to me has made me feel even worse. My DD would have been the size of a grain of rice at the time. It is so hard to prove whether it was my fault or not.

I know I need to let go but really struggling with the guilt at the moment. It is bringing me down a lot.

Does anyone know whether abseiling and diving at such an early stage of pregnancy, can have long term impacts on your child?

Your mother is unpleasant. If your child has any breathing issues it is much more likely to be from inherited traits like from her grandmother.

You did not harm your baby going abseiling.

Your mother is a bitch. How exactly would abseiling contribute to breathing difficulties? Think about it.

Sorry your DC is poorly OP. How can it be your fault - she didn't have a respiratory system at that stage? I might be missing something but I just can't see how. And what's the point in making you feel awful? My sister's DC has some mild asthma but it runs in the family of her husband, as an example.

Hi OP -

So I'm no midwife or doctor, but I really don't believe any of those things would have had an impact at such an early stage of pregnancy.
And I don't think it's helpful for your mum to try and perhaps blame you for your daughters current breathing issues.
Mums have a tendency to blame themselves for all sorts (I know I do), but I really can't see it here.
Take it easy, I hope your little one is better very soon

This is ridiculous! I was out mortal drunk for my 30th birthday unaware I was pregnant with DS2... he's fine my midwife told me not to worry at all!!

Your mother is a spiteful, nasty cow and needs educating!!

Op respiratory issues are pretty common and would not at all be caused by you abseiling when your daughter was in effect a bundle of cells (Im talking scientifically here so please no one take offence).

It’s far more likely that your child is extremely sensitive to something in her environment that’s causing the breathing issues.

Please do not feel guilty. And your mother is really unhelpful!

Wow, what an awful thing for your mum to say. I would ask her for the evidence to support her claims and also let her know what she said is really upsetting.

Hi OP. Nurse here with additional specialist qualifications in children's health and development. Abseiling and diving at 3weeks gestation (so prior even to a missed period) would have had no impact whatsoever on the developing clump of cells that your baby was at that time.

It's so hard to be objective when it's your child struggling, and thinking it's your fault is your brains way of trying to take control over something that is sadly not really within your control. The only things you can help with is making sure your child has access to the health care they need to diagnose and treat their condition. So concentrate on that and be gentle with yourself. It's horrible having an ill child.

Off the record, your mother sounds a total treat. Steer clear of her for a bit and protect your own mental health. Unless she is a professor of obstetrics or a pioneering genetic scientist then she needs to back off.

It's completely ridiculous, take no notice of her - maybe she knows of some family history and is trying to pass off feeling guilty, as it's far more to do with genetics. Your DD wouldn't have been able to be affected by anything external at that stage, she was just cells and very well protected.

My GP once told me that she had pre natal anxiety as she had been on a camel and was worried about contracting MERs from it, I was anxious about having had a a few nights on the wine and going to Alton towers. However sensible and well educated you are it is easy to convince yourself of crazy things about your children. It’s not your fault! Kids get sick!
surround yourself with kind and loving support.

What a charmer your mother is... 😒

Both my kids have issues they're under ENT for currently. DC1 for enlarged tonsils, and DC2 for laryngomalacia. I did not do any diving, or abseiling, or go on any sort of holiday or have any fun at all while pregnant with either of them. What there is however, is a family history of enlarged tonsils on my husband's side, and laryngomalacia on my side. Not that that matters because none of those activities would have caused damage to a tiny ball of cells buried deep inside a far larger ball of cells (you!).

I would love to know the exact process she thinks caused the damage, and to read the paper outlining how she found that out.

DS had bronchiolitis, pneumonia and was diagnosed with chronic asthma at 6 months.

I lost count of the number of hcps who who asked with a slightly cocked head "and did you breastfeed?". Only until 8 weeks because after three bouts of mastitis and a breast abscess and zero help or support from community midwives and hv who banged on about breast is best, I just couldn't continue any more, despite trying with a tube draining pus taped over my left shoulder.

I did feed dd successfully until she was 9 months. It didn't stop her getting bronchiolitis, asthma and the same pattern of ear infections as DS.

It's probably genetic. Your mother sounds like a genetically defective bitch.

Rubbish, at three weeks it's just a ball of cells, there's nothing there to affect. The embryo doesn't implant into the uterine lining until four weeks.

It's not hard to prove. It wasn't your fault. At all. There is simply no way that abseiling could affect a foetus's lungs, let alone an embryo that doesn't even have lungs.

Asthma is sooooo common, not all of our mothers were cliff jumping in early pregnancy!

Purely anecdotal but… my current pregnancy is my first pregnancy in which I’ve NOT been abseiling, cliff scrambling/canyoning, sailing, climbing and many other outdoor pursuits until I either knew I was pregnant or reached however many months pregnant where these activities because dangerous or plain unachievable - hard to get a floatation device over a bump!

Because that stuff is no longer my job (thanks covid) and my DC are fine and well despite my work being at the more extreme end of your everyday persons!

So, no, I don’t think anything you did then was significantly damaging to your DC.

No, absolutely not!

Oh I would have made her explain in detail how abseiling at 3 weeks affects lung development many weeks later.

Bet she couldn't if she tried.

Thanks all. It was comforting reading your messages.

It is so tough having a sick baby. I’ve lost count of the number of times we have been to the A&E this year. Let alone endless doctors appointments. Each time I cry a little and apologise to my DD, even though the rational part of my brain knows I did nothing wrong. So to have someone say my thoughts externally was painful.

Yeeeesh your mums comment is naaasty!

I'm not medically trained so can't comment

But if you want to try a solution to your daughters breathing, try an air purifier in her room at night.
My OH has terrible allergies and struggles to sleep due to his breathing. I bought an air purifier off Amazon and it worked wonders.
Friends of ours have a little girl who coughs all night and has breathing issues, we suggested an air purifier and they've said it's fixed it!

At three weeks into your pregnancy your DC was a tiny mass of cells implanting into the uterus. Abseiling and swimming in a river would have no impact on the symptoms you are describing now. Your DM is an asshole. Ask your paediatrician next time you are there if you are still worried. Parental guilt is bad enough without your DM piling in with this bollocks.