Single mam to be, feeling bad about every decision I make

[Bekindx]

I suppose the question I'm asking is am I wrong in these situations?
Hey girls, Im pregnant with my first baby. I'm going to be a single mom as the father left me at 3 months pregnant for somebody else. He has been in and out of my life since, some days he'll talk to me about the baby, others he won't and honestly acts like it's not even happening. I'm trying to be patient and be civil for the babys sake but I'm also very guarded as I don't want him just coming in and out of the baby's life like he does with me. I try to keep him up to date with appointments etc but sometimes it feels like he doesn't want to know. Then sometimes if I don't tell him about an appointment he's like why didn't you tell me etc. He hasn't been to any scans or anything and said he doesn't want to go either. When I show him scan photos he just shrugs and says " I can't make those out." He's just really detached and I worry he'll be the same when baby is here. Am I wrong for wanting to give the baby my second name? He's just gotten into a strop because I said that the baby would have my name and he replied "well dont bother running first names by me if the baby isn't getting my second name". I feel really bad like I've done something wrong. I thought it would be for the best but now I'm second guessing myself. Also, he hasn't offered to help with any of the baby stuff needed. Now don't get me wrong, I have bought most of it myself, I am saving weekly and buying everything after I get my wages but he hasn't asked what I have or if I need anything. I know we aren't together but am I wrong for thinking he should be asking or even just trying to help? He is always going on big drinking sessions with the new girlfriend(drinking is all they seem to do together), booking himself holidays, buying concert tickets and buying himself the best of clothes and runners etc. Meanwhile I'm here worrying about my wages every week to make sure I can afford everything I'll need. Again, I do have it nearly all together now but he doesn't know that. I could do with him helping with the last few bits as we only have a few weeks left but I'm afraid to ask. Am I wrong for thinking he should help?

Not wrong in the slightest. Hopefully he may show more interest when the baby arrives but at the moment you have to protect yourself and your baby from his half heartiness. Make sure you get a formal child maintenance arrangement in place as well - otherwise that’ll be non-committal as well. You are being very reasonable with him.

You haven’t done anything wrong.
Definitely give the baby your last name, it makes life easier for all the admin stuff as well as it being nice to share a name. You could consider giving both surnames of your ex is open to that. Don’t just give baby your ex’s name.
It’s reasonable to expect him to help with baby equipment costs but it sounds like he isn’t going to. You could ask him, it’s a reasonable request. He may well ignore you though. When the baby is born you will get maintenance from him. You could send him the info about how that works now. If you arrange it yourselves it saves money. If you have to go through CMS it will cost him an extra 25% if I remember rightly (UK system, if you’re elsewhere then it might be different).

You’re not wrong. I’m in the same situation and haven’t spoken to baby’s dad for nearly 8 weeks now so babys full name will be chosen by me. Like you, I don’t want him to be in and out of the baby’s life whenever he pleases

I’ve realised that an absent dad is better than an inconsistent one

Sounds like toxic masculinity to me. Can't be bothered to turn up to scans but wants the child to have his name. Please give your baby your name- as you have identified you will be a single mother and you will definitely be providing all the care. We live in a patriarchal society where a baby seems to automatically get the father's name, which is a joke. Why is this necessary?

Thanks for your responses and reassurance 💙💙 I definitely cope a lot better when I'm not speaking to him but he never goes away completely and it is emotionally distressing so I always blame myself. So far it has been my mam and sister coming to appointments and bringing me to hospital, so I feel the baby should have our name. We are the ones that actually care. I haven't heard a thing from his family either so I don't feel right having my baby share their family name when they really couldn't care less. I guess right now I'm sad feeling like he has only been keeping his foot in the door to ensure that the baby gets his name and not because he cares. He has ruined most of this pregnancy for me and I'm tired of crying. I'm in Ireland by the way! 🥰