How to deal with anxiety in 2nd trimester & after a MMC.

[EllieJade95]

Hey everyone,

I was just looking for peoples advice/thoughts as I am struggling a little bit at the moment. I am finding that even though I had a good 12 week scan (and also had one at 13 weeks as I have a SCH which I had a follow up appointment on) I still can't get over anxiety that something may be wrong and I wouldn't know. I know this stems from the fact I had a MMC just before (but was only 4 or 5 weeks) and didn't know for a whole month, so in my head I feel I keep telling myself there could be something wrong and I wouldn't know.

I know the chance of MC after 12 weeks is only between 1-3% but a MMC % is also small and I still had one. I guess I focus on that 1-3% instead of the 97-99% chance that everything will be okay.

I have a scan booked at 16 weeks for the gender, but I am used to having scans every 2 weeks since 6 and a half weeks. I know this isn't healthy, because otherwise when will I "stop" - if I have another now, then my 16 week, then i'll want another and so on.. I need to have a cut off. I think stupid things like now people know and if I put it on social media, what if I go to my 16 week scan in 2 weeks and i'm told there's no heartbeat.

I was just wondering if anyone else dealt with this and how they dealt with it?

I haven't made it to second trimester so can't help with that, but I have had 2 MMCs, and have been going to therapy lately to try to help me deal with facing unknowns (as hopefully I'll get pregnant again, and then will be in a similar situation to you).

The main thing I've been working on is letting go of the 'what ifs'. Worrying about the future doesn't solve anything, it isn't a solution. If there's things you can plan, for example additional scans or appointments, that could give you some relief from the anxiety then I'd say that's a good approach. I'd also say try to keep busy in your general life doing things you enjoy. Similar to TTC, don't let it eat you up. You are in control of your own thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Deal with what happens in the future if/when it happens. I know this is so much easier said than done, but I promise it's worth working on xx

It is really tricky.

I am in a similar situation. All we can do is focus on the things that we can control and that will keep us medically and physically healthy - take our vitamins, eat well, good sleep hygiene, regular exercise at an appropriate level, fresh air, and active de-stressing like meditation and breathing (try Headspace or Calm), yoga.

A good technique is also to write down your worries and identify which are reasonable (likely) and which are unlikely. We're good at finding the evidence for the worry - let's say the prosecution lawyer - but not for the other scenario. So keep thinking about the %s, remind yourself that for the 1-2% it is incredibly sad but it is not the end of the world. They will get through it.

I had to constantly remind myself that there is nothing I can do right now about something that may or may not even happen in the future. I was focusing on what I can control i.e. eating well, taking care of myself, taking the vitamins - what happens beyond that is out of my hands, it will never ever be in my control so I had to learn to loosen my grip and let go

I stopped going to reassurance scans because they were fuelling the anxiety even more. Just try to take each day as it comes x

I feel you because im in the same boat as you too, you are not alone. I am only at 9 1/2 weeks though and every day has been a struggle since i found out as ive had 3 previous MC and one of those was MMC. I think its the MMC that has messed me up the most as like u say, you have no signs its going wrong. Im having scans every 2 weeks and get so anxious just before them but once it has been good news i have then had some relief for about a week and a half. I personally need the regular scans to know it hasnt just stopped without me knowing. I hope that as i get further along the relief will last a bit longer each time. Like you im not sure i even want to tell anyone at 12 weeks because it still feels a bit too soon. You should be able to be referred by your midwife for some councelling, mine just has for me. Its so hard but like others have said just got to keep busy and find some enjoyment in life, we really cant do anything else.

Hi, I know all too well how incredibly hard pregnancy after miscarriage is. What I found helpful was a book called ‘pregnancy after loss’ by Zoe Clark Coates. This along with a ridiculous amount of private scans! Do whatever you need to get through this and don’t worry if that means constant check ups. What you’re feeling is so so normal. I wish you the best for the rest of your pregnancy. Xx

it is horrendous, i am nearly 28 weeks now, and in Dec had a MMC, it is a real mindf*ck trying to be positive and believe your pregnancy will continue

what I did was be grateful every day i was "still" pregnant, i had another scan at 16 weeks as well and that really helped tide me over to 20 weeks, even after 20 weeks i've been a mess, i just had a scan yesterday at 28 weeks and i think maybe i am starting to believe i am pregnant lol

I haven't bought a single thing, not so much as a baby grow because i am so cautious

Only advice i can give is take it a day at a time, enjoy the fact you had a great 12 weeks scan, don't let this rob you of your joy, just be kind to yourself and try to be positive, buy a maternity item and start planning for baby. you are more likely to have a successful pregnancy than not. I have been living by a mantra my husband keeps saying to me, nothing is wrong until there is something wrong.

Yeah it is horrendous, nothing can prepare you for pregnancy anxiety after loss, I'm 20 weeks now and everything is looking fine but I'm still paranoid about every twinge!

I had a scan at 16 weeks between 12 and 20 week scans, and I can feel baby moving now which is reassuring ❤️ that definitely helps though I'm now paranoid if he hasn't moved for a while! It's honestly just an ongoing struggle...

But as others have said it's reassuring to know that most pregnancies go fine and it's way more likely to be in the 90 odd percent that nothing is wrong, esp once you get past milestones like the 12 and 20 week scan 🤞

Two miscarriages here, one a MMC and I really feel for you oP, the anxiety was horrendous I was almost just waiting for something to go wrong and also relied heavily on scans to put my mind at ease (which worked for about 24 hours!).

But as soon as you can feel the baby move it really helps as you know it’s wriggling around in there and that brought me huge comfort. The anxiety also really reduced 30 weeks plus when you know that if the baby was born early it would prob be ok

I haven’t had any miscarriages and have a healthy 5 year old, but the anxiety this pregnancy is unreal. I’m 21 weeks and it’s been complicated, with high risk combined screening results (NIPT came back low risk), low PAPP-A and just generally not feeling good. It’s so hard and I can’t imagine how hard after loss. I’m really trying to enjoy it and promised myself that I would treasure this pregnancy, but I just want it over and a healthy baby in my arms.

Hi sorry to resurrect an older thread but didn't want to start a new one the same!
I'm having real worry/anxiety- I am 16+2 IVF donor embryo baby I'm 40. We were trying for 12 years with various IVF/IUI etc and then went to donor which has finally worked on the 3rd try. I had a MMC 6 months ago at 7 weeks (wouldn't have known until 10 weeks without early scan)
This time I've had 4 scans, private at 6 and 8 weeks and then 2 NHS dating scans at 12 and 13 weeks. All absolutely fine.
I have had no symptoms since the beginning which has been unnerving but I've had no pain or bleeding either. My bump that had started to form around 14 weeks seems to have shrunk and I'm just so terrified that something has gone drastically wrong. I know I was probably bloated before and I know the chances are all is fine..the embryo is a lot younger than I am! And we had the tests at 12 weeks that came back low risk ..but we have a scan booked for Thursday and I'm terrified it'll be bad news. Anyone else had this? I'm not usually an anxious/stressy person but this has sent me loopy!