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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

No one really cares 2nd pregnancy??

40 replies

Bethzx · 23/08/2023 11:57

Anyone else felt like this? Nearly 20w with DD and just feel no one is really excited this time round!

but at this stage with DS everyone was quite excited, had bought a little outfit or so and just seemed generally happy

when I say everyone I mean family! This time round they just don’t seem to care

im unsure if it’s because it’s not the biggest age gap, DS will be just turned 2 before my due date so he’s still young and can’t be excited for a sibling himself!

But yeah is this common with 2nd children? I’m a 2nd child - feeling a bit bad for 2nd kids everywhere!! Haha

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HiCandles · 23/08/2023 15:31

I'm also pregnant with the second and I've found people are a little less excited but generally still interested. PIL didn't even ask how I was when we told them though. I'm actually liking the lack of comments from colleagues, I got a bit fed up of hearing ooh look at that bump 20 times a day as I came across someone new every few minutes!

Eastie77Returns · 23/08/2023 15:40

Had an influx of friends who rushed to see firstborn DD. Most of those same friends didn’t see second born DS until he was a few months old!

I totally get it. The novelty wears off but it doesn’t mean the second is any less special.
To be honest it’s not just something that happens outside the family. With DD I did so much with her on mat leave: baby aqua, a special album documenting all her ‘firsts’ baby massage, her naps were sacred, a timetable for weaning.. Meanwhile poor DS spent his first year being dragged along to random appointments or DD’s activities, fewer pictures and videos and as for weaning…well we only remembered to start when he grabbed chips from my plate😭

hylian · 23/08/2023 15:42

A first child is a more significant life change though - becoming a parent for the first time is a massive deal. It's not that a second child isn't lovely, but of course it's not as big of a change for you.

MariaVT65 · 23/08/2023 15:49

Yes same here. And first was during lockdown so basically 2 pregnancies without any kind of celebration 😂

felisha54 · 23/08/2023 15:54

Yeah first baby exciting, second and more not so much.

LotusPetals · 23/08/2023 15:59

I'm pregnant with my first and nobody seems bothered either. I guess it just happens sometimes. I'm trying to organise a baby shower, but it feels a bit like bleeding a stone!

vibecheck · 23/08/2023 16:21

Definitely true. And I’m guilty of it - SIL’s first I was quite excited but her second I was bored silly of all the Snapchat and group chat updates. (Although to be fair I got bored of those first time round as well!) I also agree with the other person who said it’s more exciting if a different gender.
I was definitely more excited when my best friend had a girl for no. 2 as everyone else around me had boys and I was excited for a baby girl to be around!

mosiacmaker · 23/08/2023 16:28

PetitPorpoise · 23/08/2023 15:08

With your first, you're becoming a mother and your life is changing forever. With a second, it's not as big of a change.

I think this hits the nail on the head really! Don’t feel sad for the second and third borns, it’s not that people particularly care more about your first BABY, it’s that they care about YOU and it’s a massive change in your life becoming a mother, so it’s just so exciting for everyone who loves you. Not about first baby being more important as a human being.

As an example, I prefer lots of my second born or third born cousins to the first borns as people but probably didn’t note their “birth” in quite the same way - the excitement of the pregnancy doesn’t mean anything about how people will feel about them in their lives.

favouriteyellowsocks · 25/08/2023 00:25

Yes I feel this!
Wider family had a sweepstake for my first, very excited etc., but nothing this time, not even any messages asking how I'm doing! Due next week!

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 25/08/2023 01:02

Sadly true! When I told MIL I was pregnant with no 2 (dd1 was only 9 mths) she said " Oh well, worse things happen" 🤣
When I had no 3, I cried because he got so few gifts and "no-one bought him a balloon!" (In my defence, was 3 days post parturition and v emotional. My lovely friend went out and bought him a balloon the next day!) No 2 and 3 are loved just as much by family as no 1, be assured!! Just not the same excitement (although I felt the same each time!)
Congratulations! I hope you have a happy healthy pregnancy!

Userer · 25/08/2023 01:15

Yes that is why everyone tells you to make the most of it with your first.

elifont · 25/08/2023 02:03

The first you have loads of random family sending presents etc but the baby will never see them or have a relationship with. Second baby they will be spoiled and loved by the actual family. That love the kids and look after them and involve them in their life. Not all the other people that don't matter x

Pacificisolated · 25/08/2023 04:05

It’s quite nice in a way though, you don’t have all the pressure of the first time. I’m
expecting baby number 2 and by this point in my first pregnancy my MIL was already trying to decorate the nursery and had bought a million tiny clothes but this time everyone is much more chill.

VerasRaincoat · 25/08/2023 04:29

I don’t know if I’ll be lucky enough to have a second, my baby now was a bit of miracle. But I found the constant questions about my pregnancy at work and from family in law suffocating, I’m a private person and it was horrendous for me.

WandaWonder · 25/08/2023 04:36

First or second I would ask a couple of times throughout 'is everything going ok' and the usual name/sex/weight questions and be happy to see the baby once it is born, what else is there really to over a 9 month pregnancy?

If people ask too few questions - not interested
If people ask too many questions - overbearing, controlling, trying to take over

And then once the baby is born there is 'we can't have visitors till I say so' but if anyone wants t spend any time with the baby 'no! I have anxiety and can't be away from my baby for longer than 2 seconds' so what is the point in being interested?

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