Partner visited strip club whilst im pregnant

[JungleBookGal]

My boyfriend went on a stag do, was fairly mild they did some day time stuff like escape rooms and shuffleboard. In the evening after a nightclub my partner admited that one of the guys dragged them into a strip club. I asked if he got a dance and he said no and he kept saying he told the women he wasnt interested. He admitted his friend the stag had one.
The convo was dropped and then a few hours later we got onto the topic again and i said do you swear on my life that you didnt get a dance, he then said he cant do that and that his friend paid for a dance for both of them and he ended up having a joint dance with the friend. He said he left after a while and didnt enjoy it and said the women wernt attractive.
I just dont feel comfortable with this, i was sat at home last night 7 weeks pregnant whilst ive been having sickness all day and he was in a strip club viewing naked women.
Even if he said he didnt enjoy it, he still did it and he cant understand why i cant accept them he was drunk and was just going with the flow. He said he knew i wouodnt be happy about it but wasnt sure if id be 100% unhappy so did it anyway.
Any one else got any opinions, would they be annoyed in this situation or am i blowing it out of proportion.

Doesn't matter what we think, what matters is how you feel about it.
What do you hope will be the resolution to this predicament?

He's not a dog on a leash to be "dragged". He may have gone along with the flow and felt he couldn't easily protest, but this is a very generous interpretation - he still had to physically move himself from a non-strip club location to a strip club location; it's not quite being put 'on the spot'/cornered and feeling unable to escape.

wasnt sure if id be 100% unhappy so did it anyway. Oh, so he thought you might only be 90% unhappy! 85%? What level of your unhappiness would be fine and acceptable by him? Do you really want to spend your life with a partner for whom your happiness doesn't matter?

He thinks strip clubs (places with women as sexual objects for the entertainment of men) are fine. He specifically said that the women weren't attractive as a reason for why he didn't enjoy it. If the women had been more attractive, would he have accepted the dance to a greater proportion? What do you think of his attitudes towards women through this incident? They don't sound good to me.

I'd be seriously reconsidering this relationship (and relatedly, the pregnancy).

I'll be honest. I've worked in a strip club, (not a stripper- on the bar) and I've also been in them when we needed somewhere late to drink.
You're 7 weeks pregnant with the baby of a guy you're now feeling really uneasy with. And the ultimate decision would only come from you.
Loads of men go to strip clubs, and just remember how bloody easily led drunk blokes are. My boyfriends been in a strip club with his mates, he told me- I don't really care if he had a dance, really it's a given that he may have received a dance.
At the end of the day he was drunk, on a stag do, and this isn't just about you when it comes to babies... it's also about him.
He might have needed to just go and let his hair down by having a good laugh with his mates. Because inside he might be a nervous wreck.
Yeahhh strip clubs are dingy places but they exist in our culture. We won't really ever come away from that.
Think a little deeper about your trust levels, and remember if you spend too long guilt tripping your partner you may damage your relationship beyond repair
Personally, don't let it get to you, and don't over think it. You love him, he loves you, you're having a baby together! How exciting.... don't let this minor hiccup affect your future together x

I wouldn't like it but I don't think I would be that annoyed. It was a stag do, he felt like he couldn't say no to his mates. I wouldn't let it spoil what should be a happy time.

I’m pregnant and I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if my DH went to a strip club on a stag do. In fact I would find it hilarious.

In a reverse situation, I once went to a 50th bday party where a surprise male stripper was organised. It was hilarious, cringey and I was the least turned on I’ve ever been.

Are there any underlying insecurities in your relationship that would make you worry about this OP?

Congrats on your pregnancy btw :)

I wouldn't like it but I would get over it. it's not a dealbreaker.

It would infuriate me, he could have said no. If my husband did that I’d be so upset because I have body issues anyway but being pregnant your self esteem is rock bottom so I’d see it as he doesn’t give an f. Plus you should have told you straight away when you asked instead of lying about it. I think you have a right to be upset you need to talk to him about how it made you feel so he can understand.

You can't compare male strippers with female strippers. The male stripper still has the power over the women he's stripping for. And like a PP said, most women find male strippers funny rather than a turn on. I don't know of any male strip clubs in the city I live in, and there are several clubs for female strippers. The demand just doesn't exist because society doesn't sexualise men in the same way we do women. Women aren't taught to bow down to our sexual desires in the same way, and even if we were, we don't have the physical power over men that they do over us.

The thought of my partner going to a strip club where women are exploited as sexual objects and getting a boner over said women dancing sexily for him for money makes me feel physically sick. I don't think I could ever be attracted to him again.

There's also research that shows sexual assaults and harassment rise in areas with sexual entertainment venues.

I'd be disgusted by my partner being any part of this appalling industry.

Dealbreaker for me

Would I be happy, no. Would I get over it, absolutely. He went to a strip club on a stag... that's a pretty normal occurrence. Unless you had specifically asked him prior to going not to attend a strip club I don't see a major issue. He knows now that it upset you and probably won't do it again. But you need to decide if it's a dealbreaker for you. You being pregnant and sick has no bearing on it realistically (I'm sure you would have been just as upset if you were at home not sick).