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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

8 month pregnant and breaking up

8 replies

amibeingtouchy · 19/08/2023 15:28

Just that really. Looking for a hand hold and a little bit of hope.

Blazing argument with partner and he's packed some stuff and gone. Don't want to drip feed but don't want to go into too much either. Argument started over bread, he will never accept my narrative and I always have to be wrong about what was said and done ... like I ALWAYS remember it wrong. Sometimes I do but not always. He will go on and on until I back down. Anyways ... argument was getting heated he was raising his voice shouting, swearing and calling me names (6 I can recall) so I said something I knew would cut him (I know it's wrong and should know better but sick of the names). He absolutely flipped and I went and sat in the car for a bit.

He's packed some things and said that I would regret it and bouncing about still calling me names. I followed him to the door and asked what he meant by that and I'd rather just know than the threat he just said that I will. I asked when he would be getting his stuff. He said not today I can fuck off. Asked him if he wanted something back that his mum had bought for the baby (owlet) he said he didn't fucking care about it and to keep it. He also said I'm manipulative and he should have stayed away from me.

I think it's been coming for a while. He hasn't been that interested in baby although he always claims he is and I've felt a bit alone during pregnancy. Almost like the experience has been ruined.
I've stopped asking him to do things because I've felt like a burden. I've come to accept that only I can make me happy so the things I've wanted to do like a pre mum spa day etc I've booked to go alone. He's not even so much as arranged to take me out for my tea. I've stopped asking him to come to friends etc because I know he doesn't want to so I don't think it's fair (I always attend functions of his friends). He turned that round saying I don't tell him anything and is it because an ex was going (they're not obviously).
He's mentioned baby's name once. Doesn't really touch my belly but he does ask if baby is kicking etc. I've give up saying when I feel crap because I just honestly feel like a nuisance. If I'm not feeling too good he says I'm in a mood and asks me what's wrong and I try to just say nothing. To be fair to him he has done more cooking and a bit more tidying.
Finances are a bit of a joke and I end up paying for more while trying to save for maternity so maybe that's playing on my mind too.

I don't think he'll be back and I don't think I want him to but I know I'm soft and don't want to back down. He has text me since leaving asking to bag his things.

Just want to know if anyone has found themselves in this position and if they were ok? I have an ok job so I'll manage financially as he doesn't support me financially at all. I'll probably be better off in that respect.

Sorry I've rambled on and I've probably lost interest. Think I just wanted to vent as I'm embarrassed to approach my friends about it if I'm honest. I know I sound like a brat and I'm pregnant not dying and I know people have it worse than me

OP posts:
Ttcmumma · 19/08/2023 15:40

Been in your shoes lovely and I promise you'll be better off without. He'll probably want to see baby once they're here and you can't really restrict that too much but for yourself, run as fast as you can. You deserve so much better trust me. It took me waayyyy to many years to realise that myself and it took my son seeing some abusive stuff to really make me not want his dad anymore x

amibeingtouchy · 19/08/2023 15:42

❤️❤️❤️

I'm no angel and I'm not saying I am but just feel like I've messed up. I feel bloody stupid.

OP posts:
peekabooer20 · 19/08/2023 15:50

I relate so much to your story. If you stay with him it will most likely get worse after your baby comes. I lasted four weeks after baby was born, then left. It was very difficult but I don't regret it for a second, so, so much happier now (little one is now three). You don't really realise how awful they are until you've been apart for a while (trauma bond) then it hits. I would try and get your head around doing this on your own. You can do it and you will be so much happier. It will also be the best thing you can do for your child.

amibeingtouchy · 19/08/2023 16:02

@peekabooer20 thank you.

I can't win either way here and I know he'll make out it's me. I'll get my head round it, I was half way on my own anyways.

OP posts:
amibeingtouchy · 19/08/2023 16:11

He's just banged on the door for his fire stick 😂 said next week I've to bag his clothes. Didn't mention me or baby. Happy Saturday.

OP posts:
peekabooer20 · 19/08/2023 16:17

In all likelihood he is playing a game and will be back, they do this to make you feel insecure, it's a control tactic. The best thing you can do is leave HIM x

Ttcmumma · 19/08/2023 16:27

Try your best not to get sucked into taking him back. Especially as you know you've not been perfect yourself. (I blamed myself a lot too) I would do the same, say things to sting him after months of verbal abuse and then he'd smash holes in the wall and it'd be all my fault! And I believed him for a long time. Its bullshit, they push us to breaking point then blame us for snapping!

The more you let them back, the more they think they can do this over and over. My son didn't know if his dad was coming or going at one point and it affected him deeply. He's actually far happier when his dad hasn't been around for a while as life is settled and consistent!

DelphiniumBlue · 19/08/2023 16:39

You are close to giving birth, time to focus on creating a safe environment for you and the baby.
Don't get involved with any tit for tat texts/messages/conversations. You both need to cool down. If you decide to split, then that needs to be a calm, thought out decision, b not an instinctive response to an argument where you were both overheated.
Turn off your phone, do what you need to to calm down, whether that is a walk, a nap, a visit to a friend. You don't need to be having conversations about packing up his stuff right now. And as for returning a present for the baby from his parents, that's rude and unnecessary. Pull back from that sort of undignified behaviour.

As for him, he would deserve it if you did decide to call it day. What sort of man behaves to his pregnant partner like that?
Let whatever happens be your decision, and don't respond to rude texts .

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