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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

FTM 37 weeks and terrified

17 replies

Becu · 18/08/2023 23:37

Hi! So I'm less than 3 weeks to my due date and I'm terrified of literally everything -- getting epidural, not getting it, having a tear, not being strong enough to push the baby out, pushing the wrong way and hurting the baby, baby getting stuck and needing an emergency C-section... Everything has been looking normal so far but I feel huge (bump is definitely bigger than most I've seen although fetal weight was normal) and really doubting myself, and tired of well intentioned people saying my body was designed for this. Not sure what I'm looking for in the forum... Guess I just wanted to get it out!!

OP posts:

mrsfollowill · 18/08/2023 23:48

It's 21 yrs since I gave birth to my one and only- I won't sugar coat it- it hurts a lot for some women. I was exhausted - it took the best part of of three days from being induced to having an emergency c section but the pain was soon forgotten.
I don't want to sound all glib -it's natural you are scared- my own sister told me she felt like she was 'being murdered' - but then I had friends who made it sound so easy!- I mean literally a quick squat, breathe and baby! The best bit of all is meeting your lovely newborn baby and then it's all worthwhile. Concentrate on the outcome and the very best of luck x

sjpkgp1 · 19/08/2023 00:04

It's OK to be nervous, even very nervous. I am sure you have all the things ready Have a good person with you and you will really really be OK, honestly. One step at a time, let them speak for you and trust them. Despite what people say, everyone feels a bit like this, try not to worry xxxx

Cricketbelle · 19/08/2023 00:09

Don’t panic,thousands of women do this every day.

Remember that it’s all gradual and takes time so you can make a decision as and when it arises.

you don’t need to decide about an epidural now,go with the flow.

It’s the fear of the unknown. Once the baby is out it will all be worth it.

AutumnalPumpkin · 19/08/2023 00:48

I was 18 when I had my first, I'm now 22. I was absolutely terrified towards the end. The whole pregnancy I shut out my fears and tried to hold on as long as I could before they wanted to induce me.
Long story short - I loved my birth. I didn't find it painful, just pressure. And I only had gas and air for the last I'd say 15 mins of pushing.
I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
The worst part for me was my mental health afterwards, but that was because I wasn't in the most ideal situation, nothing really to do with having had a baby.
Good luck! You'll be fine x

Original poster

Becu · 19/08/2023 04:06

Thank you all for the encouragement! I guess I'm also scared because I don't feel like I'm fit at all... I tried a few exercise and yoga classes and I was crying inside because I couldn't do what everyone else could, so I really don't see myself pushing my baby out... And I'm also terrified of needles and the thought of having an IV line or an epi catheter... I feel I'm the worst pregnant woman ever :(

OP posts:

Nursemumma92 · 19/08/2023 07:52

I felt the same as you before my first birth, I had severe SPD and a prolapsed disc from pre pregnancy and could barely walk by the end. I was terrified I wouldn't be able to push her out but I did it with just gas and air. I definitely couldn't do the pregnancy exercise classes. Try not to compare yourself to other women, everyone is individual.

It is daunting as it's all so unknown but it will be ok. Is there anything in particular about the epidural bothering you? Is it the needles? For the cannula you can ask for numbing cream to be put on first before it goes in. With the epidural, you will feel a little bit of a sting when they numb your back then just a bit of pressure when they put the epidural in, but if you wanting it for relief from contractions, most women don't notice it all that much at this point! With the urinary catheter, that is often put in after the epidural anyway so you wouldn't feel anything other than possibly a bit of pressure but it would be minimal and certainly not painful.

It might help to listen to some hypnobirthing, not necessarily to do the breathing techniques if that's not for you but the way it talks through the birthing process can be really helpful to reduce fear and feel empowered.

Wishing you all the best for your upcoming birth x

snoopy18 · 19/08/2023 07:57

If you haven’t already - it’s worth looking into hypnobirthing. The positive birth company have online packs too which I found absolutely brilliant with my first. Will be going through it again ahead of second labour & delivery assuming pregnancy goes well.

luckbealadytonight · 19/08/2023 08:49

Do a hypnobirthing course to conquer your fear.

And don't worry about pushing, it requires no effort whatsoever! Your body just does it, it's the same feeling as vomiting.

TossacointoHenryCavill · 19/08/2023 09:12

Yes, it generally hurts at some point in the process but you will be fine. The drs and midwives do this everyday. They will look after you. They do catheters and IV everyday and they get good at them. If you need those it will be uncomfortable for a few seconds then ok again. Like having blood drawn or a injection done. Not most people’s idea of fun but it will be over quickly and you will be distracted by contractions anyway.
Pushing is definitely partially involuntary. Your body just does it. You can help it along in the right moments (it’s the same feeling as pushing out a poo. Sounds gross but also easy, right). Your midwives will help you by telling you when to push and how long to keep pushing.
Epidurals are mostly optional. When the contractions start hurting you can make the choice which suits you best. More pain from contractions or the uncomfortableness of an epidural insertion. In a vaginal birth there’s no a right or wrong answer to that question. In the cast majority of cases they work brilliantly and take away all the pain but you can still feel your legs and the contractions starting. You can usually just pick based on how you feel at the time. Midwives have local anesthetic in the room and will use it if they need to. They have ways of helping to prevent large tears and they use the local anesthesic if they need to stitch you up at all. That would be after your baby was born and you definitely care less about that bit when you’re holding your brand new baby :)

mrsed1987 · 19/08/2023 09:27

Hi lovely. Completely natural to feel this way but please remember it's not always pain and suffering! I had my son 4.5 years ago and was at home until I was 8cm! I had a great birth in the pool and didn't even have gass and air. I realise I was lucky but I just wanted to tell you it does happen.

Original poster

Becu · 20/08/2023 01:04

Thank you all so much!!! I truly appreciate it. I'll look into hypnobirthing as well.

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Cricketbelle · 05/09/2023 23:24

How are you doing @Becu ?

Ladyj84 · 05/09/2023 23:33

4 kids and it never bothered me, all natural home births and no pain relief the last was our twins. Loved it tbh so relaxing and could get on after the births

Brightandshining · 06/09/2023 00:30

It's scary and painful but in the grand scheme of things it's a very tiny fraction of your life... from a few hours to a couple of days. It has an end. And you do not have to be a strong or calm person to get through it. I certainly am not and I've done it twice.
With my second during which I had no pain relief.... something I didn't know before I went into it which I wish I had is that when the pain is at its peak that is just before the stage you start pushing. Don't go by dilation. You don't always dilate at a steady speed. I was only a few cms and the pain was so intense but I thought it's going to take me as long to get to 10cms as it has to get to 3 at least.. so I was panicking so much thinking I couldn't do it, i cabt be in this level of pain for hours.. but in the next few mins I was pushing the baby out.
Afterwards I read that when you feel that your pain has become intolerable that's usually just before you move into the pushing stage so do not panic.
With my first I had an epidural but altho the pain wasn't as bad it slowed down the labour and I was there for two days.
Overall I would actually choose the pain over the length of labour.

I'm due my 3rd after Christmas and am planning a home birth.
I'm scared and I know it will be painful but I also know it just happens and you go thru it whatever... no point in worrying too much.

Honestly you can do it. You don't need to be brave or strong. You can just do it.

Original poster

Becu · 10/09/2023 11:12

Thank you all. My baby was born 2 weeks early and only 4 days after I posted this! @Cricketbelle we are both doing well. Labor was not terrible, I got the epidural and that also was not terrible. My son is a healthy baby and I'm now dealing with all the fun postpartum stuff but generally recovering well :)

OP posts:

Cricketbelle · 10/09/2023 11:53

Congratulations @Becu !!
Must have been a shock going into labour early but sounds like you smashed it. Well done 💪🏼

Brightandshining · 11/09/2023 04:13

Congratulations!!! 🎉

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