Am I being overly emotional?

[Bex5490]

Hi everyone…I am in the early stages of pregnancy and have a 3 year old son. I have been suffering really badly with nausea this time round - had none with DS so assumed I would be the same but all I can seem to eat is apples, breadsticks and bagels and if I stop eating for a minute I feel sick again…fun times!

DH has been great with the practical side of helping with our DS (letting me sleep in while he gets him ready for nursery, picking him up and dropping off etc.) but I feel like he doesn’t really want to take care of me or give me emotional support. Like when I mention that I feel crappy it’s like he just glazes over. It also doesn’t help that he works from home so is always around the house but busy with work.

I know it’s probably childish but I took DS to my mum’s house yesterday and she kept asking how I was feeling and bringing me nibbles to eat etc. and it made me really miss being at home with her.

The other day I was so fed up with feeling so shit that I started crying and then DH was really sweet but I don’t want to have get to the point of being so upset that I’m crying before he shows me any warmth. It’s like he’s a great partner when I’m either happy and in a good place or the opposite and visibly really upset. But if I’m sick or tired or emotionally drained he just seems pretty unbothered.

I’m worried because I remember feeling like this about DH when DS was a newborn and even though I loved that time with him as a baby, I got quite down.

I’ve also got a really stressful job in a senior position and only have 2 weeks until I have to go back to work - am I wrong to feel like he could just be a bit more caring for this short period of time?

I think it’s hard for men to really understand what it’s like, and generally men want to fix things, but being unable to do anything to help can be frustrating for them. I don’t think he’s unbothered he just doesn’t understand and know what to do to help. Whereas your mum has been there, she knows how little things can make a difference. It’s really important to keep communication open in pregnancy let him know some ways he can help. He obviously wants to try and help as he’s been taking DS so you can rest.

I don't think you're being overly emotional.

My wife is 12.5 weeks and I'm working from home a fair bit, so similar scenario. I'm lucky that I'm relatively senior so if I need to take half an hour here and do some extra there, it's no big deal, but I appreciate not everybody has that flexibility.

I'd be gutted to think she didn't feel supported and cared for.

Does he act differently outside of work hours? If not, maybe he just doesn't know what practical things he can do to help. Bringing nibbles might seem obvious, but perhaps he'd be responsive to some suggestions. You could casually mention how great it felt when your mum brought nibbles throughout the day, and he might have lightbulb moment!

Sorry OP you have my sympathy, I had horrendous nausea in early pregnancy and it just makes you feel so rubbish and down all the time. I think it’s nearly impossible to feel properly happy and relaxed while simultaneously feeling sick.

However, even though my sickness only finished 3 weeks ago, the memory has faded already and it’s hard to imagine feel so crappy. So if someone (DH) has never experienced anything like that, it would be very difficult to fully empathise.

I don’t think you’re being too sensitive. And it is lovely to sometimes feel like you’re being “looked after”, like your mum did. However if my DH did that all the time I think I would find it smothering quite quickly!

I hope the nausea passes soon OP, it really is the worst.

I think you need to spell out what you're looking for.

Thanks for the replies everyone - really helpful. I guess it is asking a bit much for DH to turn into my mum! And @DuploTrain I think you’re right…it would probably quite quickly become annoying. Our son recently had a session with a speech and language therapist who said he may have autism. DH said that he feels like he has some of those characteristics and maybe this is a bit symptomatic of that. Men find it hard enough trying to read into what we want and he probably finds it even harder.

@BookwormDadUK He is different when not working but he works obsessively until about 9pm most nights fixating over his website or some minor detail of something…

I think I just want him to not seem bored by me feeling shit…maybe I need to teach him how to make a sympathetic face!

Hopefully this will all feel better once the nausea goes. X

My partner is the same, he's a wonderful person but utterly useless if I need some fussing because I'm poorly