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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

MIL Issues

15 replies

RoseAnn24 · 16/08/2023 14:57

Myself and my partner have been together for almost 2 years now. We’re just going through the process of buying a house together and I’m pregnant. The issue here is his mother’s reaction to the news. We announced the news at 12 weeks. She looked at the scan photo, laughed hysterically, asked if it was a joke and then laughed some more. She then shoved the scan picture back into my bag as quickly as possible.

Im now 17 weeks and she hasn’t acknowledged the pregnancy at all.

Her reaction has really made me anxious about telling other people and has obviously upset me.

My partner has a child from a previous relationship that his mother quite frankly obsesses over, yet she can’t even bring herself to acknowledge our baby.

I wondered if anyone had any advice or experiences that may ease the way I’m feeling.

Thanks in advance ✨

OP posts:

hairyunicorn · 16/08/2023 14:58

Be glad she is obsessed about the other child. Hopefully means she will leave yours alone!

Littlemissprosecco · 16/08/2023 15:00

How did your partner react to her reaction?

DiceLadder · 16/08/2023 15:01

Very odd. I would minimise contact with her.

Lottie917 · 16/08/2023 15:02

What a horrible reaction OP! Did you get on with her okay before you told her the news?

In a way I do agree with PP that if she's more bothered by her other grandchild, maybe she will leave you guys alone and you won't have to deal with her that often, but still I know it's not very nice how she's currently treating you.

What did your partner say/do?

Original poster

RoseAnn24 · 16/08/2023 15:02

I have asked him about it as I didn’t know whether it was hormones or whatever blowing it out of perspective, but he says he didn’t expect her to react like that and that he was hurt by it too.

OP posts:

Georgiepud · 16/08/2023 15:05

I'd give her another chance, just one. Maybe she hasn't got a way with words, or the news took her by surprise. I remember saying, "You're not are you?" to my daughter in law, and felt so silly for weeks afterwards I didn't say much.

Original poster

RoseAnn24 · 16/08/2023 15:06

My partner has said she’ll come around to the idea, but the more time goes on, the worse my anxiety gets and the thinner my patience is.

I’ve always felt she thinks I’m not good enough and I’ve always felt very isolated when I spend time with his family - so nothing new there!

OP posts:

Littlemissprosecco · 16/08/2023 15:08

At least he saw her poor reaction and feels bad too.
I would ask her next time why she’s not excited about you being pregnant? Give her a chance to explain……

elsbelsx · 16/08/2023 15:14

If she isn't showing any interest in your child I wouldn't even give her a second thought. You don't need that stress right now.
Don't try to contact her if she isn't contacting you first, don't worry yourself about updating her on anything to do with your child and if, once the baby is born, she wants something to do with the baby I would certainly make her give you an explanation as to why she suddenly wants something to do with them before you give her the privilege of meeting your baby.
It's not you or your child's job to try and keep someone in your child's life if they don't show any interest, especially during your pregnancy.
If she shows regret and is genuinely sorry for how she has acted in the future then I would give her the benefit of the doubt, but don't fight to keep her interest otherwise.

Sugargliderwombat · 16/08/2023 15:29

She sounds like a twat. Try your best to detach from this woman emotionally, speaking from experience if you try to rationalise this stuff it will just eat away at any joy in your pregnancy / maternity leave.

Sugargliderwombat · 16/08/2023 15:31

RoseAnn24 · 16/08/2023 15:06

My partner has said she’ll come around to the idea, but the more time goes on, the worse my anxiety gets and the thinner my patience is.

I’ve always felt she thinks I’m not good enough and I’ve always felt very isolated when I spend time with his family - so nothing new there!

I would try and accept maybe she doesn't - but its her issue. Easier said than done but honestly, grandparents who start off like this rarely come around and become doting, lovely, well balanced family members

LittleOwl153 · 16/08/2023 15:32

You are going to need to be very careful.of the relationships she has with each child... do not let your child be the poor relatio grandchild.

But beyond that ignore her! Go spread your happy news and be happy!

Crazydaze82 · 16/08/2023 15:34

Ignore her. Limit your time with her. Shout your pregnancy from the roof tops, be happy!

Don't let anyone bring you down.

cruffinsmuffin · 16/08/2023 15:47

Honestly she might just be in shock! You've not been together two years yet and you're over 4 months pregnant, she might genuinely be shocked at the speed of the relationship - especially depending how old his other child is + when that relationship ended.

Hopefully she will come round and be as in love with this grandchild and the other 😊

Spottypineapple · 16/08/2023 16:47

I'd say, think yourself lucky you won't be landed with an overbearing MIL

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