Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone has felt the way I feel, im currently 25 weeks pregnant with my first baby, I am excited and every week is an amazing milestone for us, when we found out she was a girl I was excited because im a girly girl but I just feel like I've struggled to properly connect with my pregnancy, it took me and my partner 3 years to conceive and we had 5 miscarriages along the way, I have PCOS so it was really tough. Back in December last year I told my partner I was done trying, it was crushing me, but to our surprise we found out we were pregnant early March, I wasn't excited, I was terrified, I feel like I missed out on that joyous moment where you find out you're pregnant and excited. I took tests for weeks because I just didn't believe it, I told my partner 2 days after the first test and I told my SIL about 2 weeks after I took the tests (we're really close and she's had the same issues as me we bonded over our infertility lol) but I didn't tell anyone else until I was 16 weeks because I was terrified, I didn't tell work, my parents, nobody. I was excited but deep down sometimes I don't even feel pregnant, she moves and kicks and I absolutely love it but I haven't got a huge bump and at the moment I'm still working which is exhausting, I just feel so bad because I struggle to believe I'm pregnant and I keep having these thoughts that I won't get to bring my baby girl home. I feel awful that my pregnancy with my first isn't the exciting time it should be, I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, it's hard to explain, has anyone else ever felt this way? Im not looking for a suggestion to speak to a therapist or get counselling or speak to my partner about it, I've been very open with my midwife and partner with it, I just wanted to understand if this is normal and anyone else has felt like this? I already love her so much and can't wait until she's here