Second baby guilt

[Kilminchy123]

Hey guys. I have a 19 month old DS and am 12 weeks pregnant with second baby. The pregnancy is very much wanted however I cannot help but feel overwhelmed by the sense of guilt. I am so scared of how my DS will react and feel like I am ruining his little life ☹️ I am trying to enjoy the pregnancy and enjoy my time with my son but have a constant pain in my chest purely from guilt . Any helpful stories please ☹️☹️ Also he does love babies he has a little cousin and adores seeing babies out and about although I know it may be different when it is mammys new baby

No advice, but I’m in the same boat. 11 weeks with an almost 19 month son. I keep trying to reassure myself that they will have the same age gap as my sibling and me and I’ve never resented having a sibling at all. She’s always enhanced my life.

the transition will likely be a bit tricky but it’s only because they are young and something big and new is happening ❤️

My DD adores her baby sister. It might be worth reminding yourself that children go both ways in terms of how they react - some are very happy about it. Do you have any reason to think he will react poorly?

Felt the exact same but mine are way closer, babies were born 14 months apart. They idolise each other. Baby is only 8 months, but so far it's just been beautiful. Yes, we need to watch the toddler closely as he doesn't understand that his 'love' could hurt baby but we obviously wouldn't leave them alone together anyway. Baby is getting to an age where they can actually play together and it's the most adorable thing, seeing them laugh at each other. It's honestly like they understand each other. It's been hard, but change is always hard at the start. Don't regret a thing.

Two years betweeny boys and they wouldn't be without each other. I'm also so grateful my parents gave me siblings. My sister is my best friend

I feel exactly the same! My son is 4.5 and I am in very early stages of pregnacy. I cried for nearly a whole day because I was overwhelmed with guilt! Even though I was a second child it suddenly hit me. What if they don't get on? How will I love another child as much as my ds? How will I give him all the time he needs with another child?

I mean it's ridiculous right? It's not like he is going to be the first child to have a sibling!

Between my*

Hi @Kilminchy123
I have a 10 month old DD and am also 12 weeks pregnant with my second much wanted baby xx
I can totally understand about the guilt, i had waves of guilt too. But now i just keep thinking she'll have someone to play with and keep imagining them having convos with each other and playing laughing and it makes me feel better about it to the point i want a third baby lol! It'll be ok don't worry xx

I felt the same in early pregnancy but now I'm in my second trimester and starting to show, I've completely changed my mind.

My dd keeps talking about the baby. "Will we be friends?" She comes up to my bump and hugs it and when I say thanks for the hug she says "no I'm hugging the baby, not you!" She keeps talking about things they'll do together and listens intently when I talk about what the baby will be able to do - at first you can just hold his hand, then at 4m you can help teach him to roll over etc.

I know it won't all be sunshine and daisies (omg my sister and I had world wars growing up) but I genuinely now think it'll enrich dd's life to have a sibling.

I read somewhere that the unborn baby develops hearing in the second trimester and i told dd this.

Now she'll sometimes come up to me and announce "I'm going to sing to the baby now" and then does her tuneless rendition of jingle bells at my bump... awww. "I think he likes my voice mummy"

Basically op, just wait till you start showing and your older one will start getting interested and hopefully you'll be reassured!

2years 4 months between my two.
First few weeks when we were all at home together my oldest one was just in awe of her baby sister. We then struggled a bit months 1-6/7 as all my eldest wanted was her daddy - for EVERYTHING so I think that was due to me always having the baby.

I made a massive effort with things like a special game / play thing when I was feeding baby that I could do with the eldest. When baby got better with napping on her own then I used to do things with the elder one - even if it was watching a movie so I could relax.

Use the tv to your advantage - we don't have it on a lot here but I put it on when I want older one to be distracted so I can do something with the baby.

Lots of other tips like buying your son a present "from the baby", there's better and worse ways to introduce baby to your DS - have a read back through other threads.

Buying a book might help - we had one along the lines of "there's a house in mummy's tummy" or something like that.

Now the little one is 10 months and for the last couple of months they have been thick as thieves, ADORE each other, always looking for the other one / sharing toys & snacks etc and generally play really nicely together. Maybe 10 minutes of every day when we get push back from the older one and that's usually when she's just woken up!

It was hard at first but so worth it now.

Your relationship and time with your son will obviously change - something I hadn't thought about too much, so enjoy doing things 1:1 with him now and when baby is a bit older factor in some time to dedicate to him.

You've got this x

You’re giving him a playmate for his whole childhood and hopefully a friend for life, with nephews/nieces/family for the rest of his days after you are gone. My two adore each other and there’s about the same age gap. Now they’re asking for another one!

Oh this was me! I sobbed when I was full term with my 2nd and lied in bed cuddling my eldest.

I had this overwhelming feeling I had messed up their life, we had a perfect thing going and it was the unknown if it was going to change.

It was absolutely fine and my eldest loves their sibling, no world crashing experiences here. I look back now and wonder why I was so worried and upset but it’s logical. Before you move jobs / country etc anything that’s going to changing your world it’s scary plus pregnancy hormones on top 😂

I’m also pregnant with my second, they’ll have a 3 year age gap. I definitely think my son will be jealous, and i’ll be having a section, but I think it’s totally normal to have hiccups at first, followed by them being the best of friends. My brother is the closest person in my family to me, and my childhood would have been very lonely without him.

I worried about this too but it was fine and they genuinely seem happy to have each other around (when they're not fighting 😅) now I just worry I'm not giving them enough attention each. There's always something to worry about!

23 months between mine. Youngest is only 8wo so we are still finding our feet a bit. DS1 is generally very protective, DS2 is referred to as his baby brother rather than mummy’s baby. He shows his baby brother off with pride. Takes him toys when he’s crying, rocks his chair and says “alright alright baby NAME”. It’s adorable. We use TV a lot which is frustrating for me but we manage to go out almost everyday (as opposed to lazy days on the sofa as with DS1). I always do bedtime if baby isn’t feeding. He does want me a lot and has started getting a bit jealous of the baby cuddling me. But daddy is usually an acceptable substitute, often he won’t even ask me for something (food, drink, toy etc) if I’m feeding. It’s different with the second for sure.

Thanks so much everyone! So helpful. I have 5 siblings and I know I would be lost without them and I do know in my heart a sibling will enrich his life. Just so fearful of how our relationship will change and scared of how I will care for them both and make sure they both get all my love. Just full of fear and hormones definitely don’t help. Just want to ensure he always feels so loved and know he isn’t being replaced ☹️☹️☹️Thanks so much guys I really appreciate it xx